Soccer Sorcery

David Moyes reported for his first day as Manchester United's new manager on Monday and, as you might imagine, the experience was a trying one. Being Sir Alex Ferguson's replacement was never going to be easy and though the players haven't even returned from their summer break yet, Moyes still faced a number of challenging situations throughout the day. Manchester United's photographer was there to provide us with a record of this jarring experience... "Car successfully parked! This job is going to be easier than I thought!" "Oh no. What did they say the passphrase was? 'Twenty titles'? 'Glazers rule'? 'Ah yes 'Sir Alex Ferguson is an immortal god amongst men who can never be matched.' "Stairs?! No on said there'd be stairs!" "Why are you all laughing? All I said was 'I'm the new manager and I'm going to convince Wayne Rooney to stay.'" "OK, fine. I won't sign Leighton Baines. J

After winning an unprecedented German treble with Bayern Munich last season, Jupp Heynckes is utterly revered among fans of the Bavarian side. In fact, a Danish postman holds the recently-retired coach in such high regard that he decided to have his 68-year-old face tattooed on his calf. Twenty-six year old Niklas Dini spent 200 getting an astonished version of the manager's face inked onto him, along with the message "Danke Jupp" ("Thank you Jupp"), the club motto "Mia san mia" (which roughly translates to the title of the Ke$ha classic " we are who we are ") and a large star proclaiming his status as a record breaker. When German newspaper Bild asked him why he had the tattoo of a face that looks like it could belong on a pasta sauce bottle tattooed on his body, he simply said: "He is a very special coach. This is my way of saying thank you. " Pep, it's now up to you to earn the real estate on Dini's left calf. No pressur

The USA and England may have finished rock bottom of their respective U-20 World Cup groups, but Mexico will progress to the knockout stage of the Istanbul tournament thanks to a 4-1 demolition of Mali last Friday. The third goal was scored by Santos Laguna striker Jesus Escoboza, who connected with a flicked header from teammate Marco Bueno to confidently slot home with his left foot. Escoboza may have considered finishing with his right foot, had his right boot not come off while making the run towards goal. Some have suggested the goal is actually illegal, as the rules state that play must be stopped if any players' footwwear comes off this regulation made a controversial appearance in Manchester Utd's Europa League exit to Athletic Bilbao in 2011-12 , when the Spaniards scored shortly after a free kick was awarded for Patrice Evra's boot coming off. However, the guidelines also state: "If a player loses his footwear accidentally, and immediately plays the ball and

Brazil capped off an impressive run of performances in their first turn as Confederations Cup hosts by beating Spain 3-0 to win the tournament for the third time in a row and fifth overall. Though Confederations Cup titles have become a regularity for Brazil never before given much praise, the fact that this one ended with a comprehensive victory over SPAIN!!! the World Cup and back to back European Championship winners riding a 29-match unbeaten streak in competitive matches seems to have made this one different. Before the match even ended, eulogies for Spain possession-heavy style of play were already being written while others were prepared to give Brazil their sixth World Cup title a year early. But after the match, Neymar the 21-year-old who won the tournament's Golden Ball and Bronze Boot advised everyone to hold the phone. From Reuters : "Lets keep calm, let's keep our feet on the ground," he said as Brazil emerged as serious contenders to win the World Cu

Though Brazil's Fred and Neymar combined to score every goal in their side's 3-0 win against Spain in the Confederations Cup final, neither of them could score more goals than confounding trophy collector Fernando Torres over the entirety of the tournament. Torres was awarded the Golden Boot for finishing with five goals, the same number as Fred and one more than Neymar. And given the unenjoyable result for his team, he understandably looked less than thrilled about his unwearable new shoe. As he did at Euro 2012 , Torres won the award on a combination of tie-breakers. Torres and Fred both had just one assist, so it had to be decided on fewer minutes played, once again proving Torres to be the most formidable...ish scorer in a given competition since he played just 273 minutes to Fred's 423 . Which also proves that Torres possesses the even more admirable trait of being supremely economical (as long as we're not talking about transfer fees no one say anything about tra

Down 3-0 to Brazil in the 68th minute of the Confederations Cup final, Spain defender Gerard Pique decided to introduce himself to his new Barcelona teammate Neymar and he was shown a red card for his trouble. Desperate to prevent Neymar from scoring his second goal of the match and fifth of the tournament, Pique greeted Neymar with a sliding challenge as the eventual Golden Ball winner looked certain to blow past him for another chance on goal. Neymar went flying and the ref showed Pique a straight red to put Spain down a man and allow Brazil to cruise to their fifth Confederations Cup title. Neymar will surely express his gratitude when Barca's training begins for the new season. This has been the Dirty Tackle of the Day: a chronicling of unfortunate events.

Fueled by a sea of noise from the home crowd at the Maracana and with an unbeaten streak in competitive matches at home dating back to 1975 (56 games), circumstances conspired to give Brazil a quick lead on reigning world beaters Spain in the Confederations Cup final. A cross into the box in just the second minute of the match got lost in a confusion of bodies. Even though he was laying on the ground, Brazil striker Fred managed to put the ball past Iker Casillas to score the fastest goal Confederations Cup final history (which only dates back to 1992). Emboldened by drawing first blood, Brazil continued to attack as Spain struggled to get any momentum in the first half. When they finally did get a shot past Brazil keeper Julio Cesar, David Luiz made a brilliant sliding clearance to maintain the lead. And then, riding a wave of confidence that could be seen from space, Neymar extended Brazil's lead to 2-0 just before halftime. Here's David Luiz... UPDATE: Second verse same as