Soccer Sorcery

Amidst attempts to pass legislation that would destroy Internet freedoms and the U.S. Department of Justice's takedown of file-sharing site MegaUpload , Internet users around the world are rightfully worried about this wonderful thing that allows me to help you be less productive. And football fans are no different. They too have had enough of governments' attempts to trample our precious freedoms. So during Brest's Ligue 1 match against Ligue 1 leaders PSG last weekend, fans held up banners warning those in power that there are just some lines they better not cross and certain websites they better not target. The banners read: "MegaUpload OK ... YouPorn never!" Brest lost the match 1-0 on a 6th minute goal from Milan Bisevac, but the result would be secondary to their point. After all, that is just football. This...is Internet porn.

All the stuff being covered outside the unfriendly confines of the award-winning Dirty Tackle... DirecTV Colombia inserts Atletico Madrid's Falcao into 300/the way Pepe actually sees football matches. [YouTube] Speaking of Pepe, here's Crackovia's fake Pepe singing a parody of Michel Telo's "Ai Si Eu Te Pego" about stomping Messi. [ Brasil Mundial ] Liverpool accidentally included racist fan in official site's match highlights. [ KCKRS ] The next Carlos Tevez trolls Man City after joining Man Utd. [ FCF ] The destruction of WPS as explained by The Dark Knight. [ Sporting News ] The savior of calcio. [ IBWM ] Mario Balotelli best dressed? [ Kickette ] Sebastien Le Toux forced out of Philadelphia. [ Times Herald ] Shock as moron discovered in 45,000 capacity football stadium. [ NewsThump ]

When transfer deadline day rolls around, Sky Sports News' Jim White gets more excited than a puppy attached to a leash made of bacon. So excited, in fact, that sometimes his mouth is so overeager to spit out the latest transfer dealings that it creates a perfect sized opening for his foot. So while recapping the day's moves as Big Ben ominously struck 11 p.m., instead of declaring that striker Bobby Zamora had joined Queens Park Rangers, it sounded like White announced that "Bobby Zamora has gone from Fulham to Coons Park Rangers." Clearly his Scottish accent and excitable nature conspired against him to produce a muddled combination of syllables, but it's still an unfortunate occurrence in his big moment. Especially given all the more intentional instances of racist slurs and behavior in English football of late. Next time, just remember to breathe, Jim.

After turning down a move to Celtic last summer, playing just 78 minutes of first team football with Man City this season and having his manager suggest that he now spends his Saturdays playing golf , Wayne Bridge has joined Sunderland on loan until the end of the season. Presumably, he will actually play football there. The following is a transcript of the former England international's first meeting with new manager Martin O'Neill. O'Neill: Wayne, welcome to Sunderland. We're glad to have you here. You got dressed up for the big unveiling I see. Bridge: Actually, I haven't changed my clothes in about three weeks. O'Neill: Well, we've got a new shirt for you right here if you want to change now. Bridge: Do I have to? O'Neill: Yes. If you're going to play for Sunderland, you have to wear the shirt. Bridge: Play? Oh, like Call of Duty. I went to the launch of that game. I didn't have to wear a special shirt to play it, though. Pretty sure I ...

A pitch invader managed to handcuff himself to Joe Hart's goalpost during Everton's match against Manchester City at Goodison Park. The match was halted for about five minutes as police had to bring out a set of bolt cutters to pry the agitated man off the pitch. His reasoning for the protest didn't seem to have anything to do with the game or the clubs involved, though. He wore an anti-Ryanair shirt in reference to the Dublin-based discount airline and he seems to do quite a bit of protesting against them and their shady recruitment practices . Here's a video of the same man (apparently his name is John) pleading his case against the airline. So it seems he chose the match only for its media spotlight and not because he wanted to force Man City to bury Carlos Tevez up to his chin in sand or make Marouane Fellaini cut his hair.

Thanks to Robert Mugabe's unique approach to democracy and socioeconomic policy, the Zimbabwe national football team doesn't get a whole lot of action outside of Africa and Asia. The Warriors are about to get a lot less action, as the Zimbabwe Football Association (ZIFA) has suspended 67 players following a match-fixing scandal. Reports ESPN : A ZIFA probe last year led to a number of players admitting that they accepted money from an Asian betting syndicate to lose exhibition games on Far East trips from 2007-09. The ZIFA report said the money was handed out by agents of Singaporean Wilson Raj Perumal, who is in jail in Finland for fixing activities in that country. The controversial Far East tours were organized by ZIFA chief executive Henrietta Rushwaya, who sent the team out to play without the permission of the ZIFA board. In 2009, she also sent Zimbabwe club Monomotapa to Malaysia to play in a tournament, pretending that they were actually the national team. Unsurprising...

Freddie Veseli (left) out in Manchester city centre last night United have snapped up 19-year-old City central defender Freddie Veseli in a shock transfer window deal. The Reds tied up the Swiss starlet, who captained his country to Under-17 World Cup triumph in 2009, yesterday and Veseli headed into Manchester, dressed in a red jacket, to celebrate. Veseli was seen as a good prospect at City, but he was frustrated at not making the breakthrough into the first team squad. That frustration increased recently when the Blues lost skipper Vincent Kompany and drafted 17-year-old defender Karim Rekik into the squad as cover. Veseli joined City from Lausanne in 2008 and is a composed, ball-playing centre back he was taken on the Blues summer tour of North America, playing in two of the three games. Read all the latest Manchester United news here . Tweet

During last weekend's Campeonato Pernambucano fifth round match between Sport and Nautico, Sport's Marcelinho Paraiba collided with Siloe and had a tooth fly out of his head as a result. So after Sport won the match 4-3, Marcelinho asked club officials to try and find the tooth. When they couldn't, he offered a R$1,000 reward to anyone who could find it since an implant would cost him four times that much. And how does he know so much about the cost of dental implants? Oddly enough, this is the second time in two years that Marcelinho has had a tooth knocked out during a match. Maybe losing multiple teeth while playing is a sign that the 36-year-old should retire. Or wear a mouth guard. Video via @andel0ng

Every transfer window comes to an end and that end is usually a tremendous, over-analyzed, mess of boring idiocy. There's reporters stretching guesses and rumors into a hostage situation worthy of live coverage, Harry Redknapp giving interviews through his car window like he's struggling to order a Whopper at the Burger King drive-thru, roving bands of street urchins loitering outside stadiums and, above all, mass confusion over player movements that often don't even happen. It's a day everyone wants to be face-meltingly exciting, but even when it delivers that last second monster deal, it only sets up months of disappointment until that overpriced desperation buy is finally sold again at an anti-climactic and heavily reduced fee. Here are several ways to improve on that. Transfer fee cap. Transfer fees have gotten out of control. It's money pissed back and forth at arbitrarily inflated rates that only serves as a ball and chain to the associated players. So, no t...

Everton's 2-1 win over Fulham last week not only propelled the club into the fifth round of the FA Cup, but it also provided the first head-to-head showdown between U.S. national teammates Landon Donovan and Clint Dempsey. The following is Landon's latest correspondence with his friends and family back home, where he reflects on that match. Sup bilbro bagginses. Been a minute since I last checked in. Round 2 in Everbronia actually hasn't been that legit up to this point. I'm not going to get all soft serve froyo on you but it definitely is not as lush as it could be. I've been doing my part but if it's possible these scrub-shows have been performing even worse ever since I came back on the scene. I try and tell them all the time that rolling with me means the eyes of America are transfixed on you like if you were a Kardashian or a wildebeest hunting down a rhino or something like that, and that you just gotta figure it out and simultaneously manage to elevate yo...

Like an outdated fantasy league auction, the new Premier League Soccer featuring six teams based in the eastern Indian state of West Bengal bid for the rights to sign several "icon" players." Hernan Crespo, who scored nine goals for Parma last season, drew the highest bid and went for $840,000 (536,000) at the sprightly age of 36. For Robbie Fowler (also 36), however, the results were a bit more depressing. From the Guardian : Italy's 2006 World Cup-winning captain Fabio Cannavaro went to Siliguri for 530,000 [$830,000], while Robert Pires of France (511,000 [$800,000]), the Nigerian Jay-Jay Okocha (351,000 [$550,000]) and former Liverpool striker Robbie Fowler (338,000 [$530,000]) went to Howrah, Durgapur and Kolkata respectively. Five franchises collectively spent nearly 4.5m, each buying an "icon" player, two overseas footballers and a coach. Each club also bid for a foreign manager to guide them through the perils of a six-week tournament, with inex...

While Ivory Coast captain Didier Drogba is sequestered away with his teammates in a luxury hotel for the African Cup of Nations, his mother, Clotilde is preparing traditional west African meals in an outdoor kitchen for a group of 60 fans who traveled to Equatorial Guinea for the tournament. Using portable gas hobs under a gazebo to cook for the supporters who made the 900-mile trip, Mrs. Drogba was at first reluctant to be interviewed by the AP when they approached her. "The mother of Drogba cannot be seen like this," she protested. [...] "Everyone has their thing and what they like to do," Clotilde told The Associated Press after preparing lunch on Monday. "This is what I like to do be helpful to people. "I would support my son doing anything whether he was famous or not. This isn't about my son, it's about supporting my country." This isn't the first time Clotilde has cook for fans of the national team, though. She also did it at the 2...

Tom Cleverley Manchester Unitedmay have seen one chance of silverware end on Saturday, but they have been handed a major boost as they look to win two others. Sir Alex Ferguson will have three key players back for the Premier League run-in and Europa League campaign to help bolster his troops. Midfielders Anderson and Ashley Young are expected to return to training this week. And, even more crucially, Tom Cleverley will be only two weeks behind them which will give the Reds the lift they need as they battle City for the title. I expect Ashley to start training in the middle of the week, so hes on his way back,said Ferguson. Cleverley is two weeks behind that. Anderson will be ready this week, too. Hell start training with us on Monday or Tuesday and then it gives me a collection of midfield players that should cope with anything that happens in the run-in. United were without nine players at Anfield on Saturday and possibly only Rio Ferdinand could rec...

In the second half of Real Sociedad's 5-1 win over Sportin Gijon on Sunday, Carlos Vela was tackled from behind by Alejandro Galvez right at the touchline, sending him barreling into the linesman. Everyone was alright and the linesman even helped Vela back to his feet (despite the fact that Vela took out his). Galvez was booked for starting that little domino effect. Video via 101gg

Like a cross between Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Nicklas Bendtner, Ghana striker Asamoah Gyan is very fond of his own abilities. There were questions as to whether he would play in Ghana's African Cup of Nations match against Mali after sustaining an injury in training on Thursday, but he did start and scored off a free kick in his side's 2-0 win. Following the match, Baby Jet was eager to highlight his performance and speak in the third person. From the AFP : "Everyone who plays against Ghana, comes out strongly to stop Asamoah Gyan," said the Al Ain striker, who is on loan from English Premier League club Sunderland. "I have been the country's lone striker for the past six years, it shows how great I am." Don't think Gyan is completely self-obsessed, though. He also gave credit to others and spoke of his sacrifice for his country. "There was a doubt whether I will be fit for the match against Mali, but the medical staff did a fantastic job on me....

There's been a story going around about how Liverpool bought 20-million underachiever Stewart Downing because the club's American owners were so impressed by the blatantly doctored viral video above produced by Aston Villa two summers ago. This, of course, is a ridiculous tale and beyond stupid and something no one could ever believe. Except, a number of people did and the story was reported by a great many outlets of varying reputations. In fact, the story has become so popular that Liverpool's official website has now released a statement to debunk it: Tom Werner today laughed off suggestions that Liverpool had bought Stewart Downing on the back of a YouTube video. "Someone told me about this," said the Reds Chairman."It's a great story, but unfortunately for the person who wrote the piece, it isn't true. It actually comes from an interview I did five months ago withIan Ayre for our clubTV channel in whichIsaid that when we first talked about ...

Manchester United striker Michael Owen has launched a defence of team-mate David de Gea after the Spanish goalkeeper came in for criticism following the 2-1 defeat to Liverpool in the FA Cup fourth round at Anfield. De Gea was criticised for Liverpool's two goals, failing to claim the ball when Liverpool defender Daniel Agger shot past him and then unable to get a touch on Dirk Kuyt's rising shot for the late winner. But Owen has defended De Gea against criticism by TV pundits and from fans on Twitter. Owen wrote on his Twitter account: "One comment on yesterdays game. Don't agree with all this negativity towards De Gea. "Admittedly he has made a couple of mistakes this season but listening to some people you would think he had a nightmare yesterday. "I'm not having either goal was his fault. The problem is, once you get labelled, mud sticks and now any tiny mistake is magnified. Other keepers make similar mistakes and nothing gets s...

Manchester United have agreed to sell striker Mame Biram Diouf to Hannover 96 for an undisclosed transfer fee. Diouf was undergoing a medical with the German club on Saturday, which should signal the end of his short-lived United career. Signed from Norwegian club Molde in July 2009, Diouf has made only nine senior appearances for the Reds and his only three outings this term came in the Carling Cup. Tweet

When pre-match handshakes become the subject of fervent debate and garner more analysis and predictions than the actual football match that tends to follow them, something has gone wrong. So in an attempt to help sidestep half the day's racial tensions, the FA decided that QPR and Chelsea should just avoid hand shaking situations at all costs. Said the FA : Following discussions on Friday evening and Saturday morning involving senior officials from QPR, Chelsea and The FA, it has been agreed there will not be the usual team handshake before today's FA Cup with Budweiser Fourth Round Propertie at Loftus Road. The FA agreed to the request by both clubs in an attempt to further diffuse tensions before the match. In addition to moving kickoff up three hours to a noon start and increasing matchday security with more stewards and full searches on fans, the handshake skipping was all part of a design to avoid any trouble relating to the ongoing criminal case brought against Che...

Danny Welbeck Andy Cole believes Danny Welbeck is the man to fire England to glory in this summers European Championships. And the former Manchester United frontman has urged Fabio Capello to change his stale system to give the Reds ace a licence to thrill. Longsight-born Welbeck is compiling an irresistible case to be included in Capellos side to take on France in the championships Group D opener in Donetsk on June 11, with Wayne Rooney suspended for the first two games. The 21-year-old went into the FA Cup fourth round tie at Liverpool having scored three goals in the last three matches, including the winner at Arsenal last Sunday, beefing up his season tally to nine. And United boss Sir Alex Fergusonhas warned that his striker is only going to get better. People are talking about Bobby Zamora at Fulham and strikers like that, said Cole, who was part of Uniteds 1999 Treble-winning team. But football has moved on and target men are a thing of the past. ...

AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK: 1. WHAT'S GOING ON -- THERE'S SOMETHING GOING ON OVER THERE BUT I CAN'T SEE IT?!?!??!??!?! WHAT IS IT?!?!??!?!??! WHAT IS GOING ON!?!??!!??!?!?!??! AHHHHHHHH I HOPE IT'S ON THE NEWS LATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2. KEVIN-PRINCE BOATENG'S SEX INJURY -- PEOPLE THINK THIS IS RIDICULOUS BUT IT CAN DEFINITELY HAPPEN!!!!!!!! SINCE SEX INVOLVES SO MANY PYROTECHNICS AND TOASTER OVENS IT CAN BE EXTREMELY DANGEROUS!!!!!!!!! PLUS I IMAGINE THAT COMMITTING THE SIN OF PREMARITAL SEX WOULD ONLY MAKE IT WORSE WITH THE SMITING AND EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!! 3. PAOLO DI CANIO'S RANT -- WHY CAN'T YOU BE MY UNCLE?!?!?!?!?!? 4. CORN -- THE CORN NOW HAS FUTURE WOMEN UNDER ITS KERNELED CONTROL!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW WILL WE EVER DEFEAT THIS OVERWHELMING THREAT TO OUR EXISTENCE WHEN IT HAS FUTURISTIC WOMEN WHO WEAR GEORDI LA FORGE GLASSES AND SILVER BODYSUITS THAT I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO WEAR!?!...

There's a very popular YouTube video that shows one kid smashing a shot off the post that then hits his friend playing goalkeeper square in the face . Well, back in 2009, when Shaun Wright-Phillips was still with Man City, they recreated that Internet classic at the expense of the diminutive winger's face. Wright-Phillips was messing around in goal during a training session when one of his teammates took a shot from outside the box that careened off the post and into SWP's unsuspecting noggin. Everyone laughed and then a gentle breeze blew him away.

We know that Wayne Rooney and Tiger Woods have a favored activity in common , but instead of making a game about that, EA Sports have once again digitally united the pair in the latest edition of Tiger Woods PGA Tour Golf. Rooney was an unlockable golfer in the 2008 version of the game and in Tiger Woods 13, Rooney will be a part of a downloadable footballer foursome that also includes Chelsea's Petr Cech, Arsenal's Theo Walcott, and Man City's James Milner. Judging by the photos EA released, all four footballers look pretty realistic. Except for Petr Cech, who is wearing a trucker cap instead of his usual protective headgear . Thus making the whole thing worthless. What a shame. Carlos Tevez and Craig Bellamy sadly did not make the cut.

DOUBT: Wayne Rooney Sir Alex Ferguson will take a late check on his squad before finalising his line-up forSaturday's FA Cup fourth round tie at Liverpool. Wayne Rooney and Phil Jones (both ankle) and Rio Ferdinand (back) are amongst those who are thought to be causing concern. Nani (foot) is expected to miss out, although there has been no official update on the winger's fitness since he limped out of last Sunday's win at Arsenal. Boss Sir Alex Ferguson is hopeful the afternoon will pass off peacefully despite what will no doubt be a highly charged atmosphere. "I am confident enough," he said. "We want to be talking about a game of football. "It is a big FA Cup tie. In my time there have not been many FA Cup ties between the clubs. "It is something you want to look forward to. That is what I intend to do and the players should follow that." If there was an attempt at mind games, it came through Ferguson's ...

Sir Alex Fergusons hand looks to be forced over skipper Patrice Evra despite the race row It certainly wasnt anything to do with mind games and more a statement of fact when United No 2 Mike Phelan admitted: Were not in the greatest state that we could possibly be in. But for Sir Alex Ferguson, preparing for the undisputed tie of the FA Cup fourth round at Anfield tomorrow against Uniteds biggest inter-city rivals Liverpool, its a backs-to-the-wall situation that hell relish. The Reds boss will be keeping his selection options even closer to his chest than normal but his hand looks to be forced over skipper Patrice Evra. Fergie, who last season revealed he didnt play Wayne Rooney at Goodison because of the abuse he feared he would have endured, isnt likely to further weaken his injury-ravaged team. Liverpools hierarchy wanted a joint approach with potentially an unprecedented combined United-Liverpool statement calling for calm in the wake of the now infamous ...

The tax evasion trial of Harry Redknapp has revealed the Spurs manager's admission that he can't work a computer, doesn't "know what an email is" and "couldn't even fill in a team sheet." He also said, "I've never wrote a letter in my life. I couldn't write a letter. I write like a two-year-old and I can't spell." The following is a transcript of Arsenal manager Arsene "The Professor" Wenger's generous attempt to teach Harry how to send an email. Wenger: OK, Harry. I've shown you how to turn the computer on and we've signed you up for a free email account. Now, we will try sending an email. Redknapp: What's an email? Wenger: It is like an electronic letter. Redknapp: And the elves inside that picture piano deliver it to whoever you want? Wenger: Well, there are no elves inside the computer, but yes, it will go to whoever you want. Redknapp: What if I want to send something to Ted in Liverpool. Do ...

Recently winning his third consecutive Ballon d'Or award has earned Lionel Messi a headshot and the title of "King Leo" on the cover of the latest edition of Time Magazine. Well, every cover except the United States version, where a story about "The Power of (shyness)" was deemed more marketable. Then again, it's not entirely clear that this isn't just a more subtle portrayal of Messi. Barcelona's official website claims that Messi is the first footballer to ever claim the cover of Time , but this isn't true. The 1999 Women's World Cup winning U.S. team became the first ever footballers to be featured on the cover that year . In 2010, the magazine's World Cup guide cover story had a drawing of a generic, faceless player , though Didier Drogba was featured along with Lady Gaga and Bill Clinton for that year's "100 most influential people in the world" issue. Still, the cover has never been wholly devoted to a male footballer...

Recently winning his third consecutive Ballon d'Or award has earned Lionel Messi a headshot and the title of "King Leo" on the cover of the latest edition of Time Magazine. Well, every cover except the United States version, where a story about "The Power of (shyness)" was deemed more marketable. Then again, it's not entirely clear that this isn't just a more subtle portrayal of Messi. According to Barcelona's official website, Messi is now the first male footballer to ever claim the cover of Time -- an impressive feat consider the American-based publication has been around since 1923 (and that Pele played in New York for two years and David Beckham still does). The 1999 Women's World Cup winning U.S. team became the first ever footballers to be featured on the cover that year . Still, that U.S. cover remains elusive for male players, even if pictures on magazine covers are increasingly irrelevant. In 2010, the magazine's World Cup guide cov...

Is there any doubt that is Mario Balotelli's bag that Vincent Kompany trips over while running backwards? Anyway, this is how the doomsday device that leads us to the apocalypse foretold by the Mayans was triggered.

When a club as big as Bayern Munich promises to announce a major signing near the end of dreadfully slow transfer window, it's going to attract a frenzy of attention. And when a club as big as Bayern Munich announce that that promise was just a fake-out so they could pitch you on a new Facebook application, it's going to go over about as well as giving adult diapers as a birthday present. From the AP : Bayern had said on its website that it would present a new striker at 2 p.m. local time, and directed fans to go Facebook to watch it live. Once they were logged in, the fans were made to "like" Bayern's page in order to view the proceedings. But instead of learning who would be striker Mario Gomez's backup, they were instead presented with a promotion entitled "The New FCB Star." "Dear fans, you probably already noticed that we did not sign a new player. This app is for our fans to show the importance of you for our club," Bayern said. And t...

Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp isn't having a fun time at the moment as the subject of an ongoing trial into tax evasion at London's Southwark Crown Court. If you're not up to speed with English legal wranglings, 'Arry's arsenal of lawyers (no pun intended) are working hard to clear his name as the prosecution demands an explanation for payments made into a Monaco bank account, which they deem to be 'tax-free bungs'. One would expect a person to possess a certain amount of savvy and adroitness to be involved in offshore banking let alone managing a high profile Premier League team but apparently this isn't the case. Redknapp has been pleading ignorance throughout the trial, and today jurors were informed that the cockney gaffer can't write or spell, and lacks the kind the organizational skills he might preach to his Spurs defence. The Sun reports: Redknapp, 64, said: "I am completely and utterly disorganised. I am not going to fiddle taxes,...

Barcelona-happy paper Mundo Deportivo has published the photo above along with an account claiming that Jose Mourinho waited at match referee Fernando Teixeira Vitienes' car after Barca knocked Real Madrid out of the Copa del Rey at the Camp Nou. Real Madrid were shown seven yellow cards and a red compared to Barcelona's one yellow during the second leg, which ended 2-2 to give Barca a 4-3 aggregate advantage. So what did Mourinho allegedly say once the referee showed up? "Go artist -- how do you like to f*** with professionals?!" That's just his way of asking for a ride home without seeming too needy, though.

Ryan Giggs United winger Ryan Giggs will carry on playing as long as he isnt making a fool of himself. And the United legend believes there will be more Premier League players extending their careers into the late-30s and beyond due to the rapid advancement in sports science. A long-time practitioner of yoga, Giggs is heading rapidly towards his 900th United appearance and, even though he has already passed his 38th birthday, there is an increasing likelihood he will sign another contract extension for next season. Currently, Giggs former United team-mate Teddy Sheringham holds the record for the oldest outfield player in Premier League history, having made his final appearance for West Ham in December 2006, 95 days short of his 41st birthday. And, a bit like manager Sir Alex Ferguson, Giggs gets that from the challenge presented by an ever-growing list of younger team-mates. You have to remain motivated, otherwise you get swept away, he said. You have t...

Despite a valiant second-half comeback, Real Madrid could only manage a 2-2 draw in the second leg of their Copa del Rey quarterfinal against Barcelona, who advanced on a 4-3 aggregate score. The hot-tempered match was truly a clasico and leaves us to once again ask, "What if it continued?" 97' -- The ball takes an odd bounce off a Sergio Busquets shaped imprint in the pitch. 101' -- Inspired by Paul Scholes coming out of retirement to help Manchester United, Cristiano Ronaldo attempts to convince Zidane to do the same for Real Madrid. Ronaldo's offer of a lifetime supply of hair gel does nothing to sway the Frenchman. 106' -- Pedro's mustache is found to be in violation of several local indecency laws, yet no one has the balls to go after it. 112' -- Having scored in both legs, Ronaldo vows that anyone who accuses him of not performing in big games will get "Pepe'd into an ugliness coma." 118' -- Sitting on the bench after coming off...

Two years ago, Manchester City paid 14 million for Craig Bellamy before loaning him out to Cardiff after a season and a half then letting him return to Liverpool on a free transfer last summer. Naturally, the fact that Bellamy was the one to score the decisive 74th minute goal to send Liverpool to the Carling Cup final at City's expense was quite pleasing to Liverpool manager Kenny Dalglish and turned him into a post-match press conference comedian. From Sky Sports : "He [Bellamy] was unbelievable. If Man City have anyone else like Craig that they don't want to keep, they know where we are," Dalglish said. His humor wasn't just at Man City's expense, though. He also had some Liverpool material, as well. On the subject of Liverpool making their first trip to Wembley since 1996 (via LiverpoolFC.tv ): "I don't know when the last time (we were there) was, but we know where we are going. We've maybe forgotten the route because we've not been th...

Though Real Madrid looked as if they might turn things around early in the second leg of their Copa del Rey quarterfinal against Barcelona, it was Barca who scored first (and second) to add to their lead. Lionel Messi slipped a pass to a wide open Pedro as the Real defenders converged on him, setting up a relatively easy goal. Even as an observer, it felt like a crushing moment for Real -- a theory that Cristiano Ronaldo confirmed with his stompy show of frustration in response to the goal. Then, just two minutes later, Dani Alves made it a 4-1 lead on aggregate with this absolute blast into the far corner of Iker Casillas' net... Alves and Eric Abidal do need to work on that "Ai Se Eu Te Pego" dance, though.

In an off the ball incident 69 minutes into Juventus' 3-0 Coppa Italia win over Roma, Giorgio Chiellini dragged Erik Lamela down to the ground. To Chiellini's surprise, this actually put Lamela in position to retaliate. And he did in the form of a boot to the crotch. Lamela tried to run away while Chiellini rolled around, but the referee apparently spotted the young Argentine's retaliation and showed him a straight red. And 20 minutes after that, Simon Kjaer topped off Roma's miserable night with an own goal. Counterbalancing that ugliness was Alessandro Del Piero's beautiful goal in the 30th minute, however. I suggest you watch it.

STILL GOING STRONG: Ryan Giggs Evergreen Manchester United winger Ryan Giggs believes there will be more Premier League players extending their careers into the late 30s and beyond due to the rapid advancement in sports' science. A long-time practitioner of yoga, Giggs is heading rapidly towards his 900th United appearance and even though he has already passed his 38th birthday, there is an increasing likelihood he will sign another contract extension for next season. Currently, Giggs' former United team-mate Teddy Sheringham holds the record for the oldest outfield player in Premier League history, having made his final appearance for West Ham in December 2006, 95 days short of his 41st birthday. Going further back, there have been odd instances of over-50s turning out, with Sir Stanley Matthews being the most obvious example. Giggs feels it is stretching it a bit to believe that feat could be emulated. However, additional research into nutritio...

Michael Owen Manchester United'sfringe hitmen are at the centre of January transfer window interest. Michael Owen and Mame Biram Diouf are being linked with exits from Old Trafford. While injuries sweep through other departments, the Reds main attack contenders are currently unscathed. United boss Sir Alex Ferguson has Wayne Rooney, Danny Welbeck, Dimitar Berbatov and Javier Hernandez on call for the title run-in. It leaves Owen, who is due back before the end of the month from the hamstring injury he suffered in November against Otelul Galati in the Champions League, and reserve Diouf surplus to requirements. The champions have already allowed 20-year-old Italian Federico Macheda to go on loan to Queens Park Rangers and could now look to shift a further two goalscorers out either permanently or on loan. Brighton have been linked with a move for 32-year-old former England front-man Owen. Manchester United closing on Danny Welbeck deal ...

On Tuesday night, the Copa del Rey quarterfinal involving the other club from Barcelona and a team that most definitely is not Real Madrid nearly made the bitterness of El Clasico and the actual cup irrelevant. CD Mirandes of the Segunda Division B, Group 2 -- a club that has a budget of less than 1 million and plays in ground with a capacity of 6,000 -- beat Espanyol 2-1 in front of their small but overjoyed home crowd to advance on a 4-4 aggregate score. The man who scored Mirandes' first goal of the second leg and set up the injury-time winner was 31-year-old captain Pablo Infante, who is the top scorer in the competition with seven goals -- three more than the next best. And when he's not scoring buckets of goals to lead his team into the unexpected glory rounds of the Copa del Rey, he's doing something far more mundane than you would probably guess. From SpanishFootball.info : Infante leads another life; he's a bank clerk by day. The wily midfielder commutes some ...

All the stuff being covered outside the unfriendly confines of the award-winning Dirty Tackle... RVP with a timeless love ballad. [ Fitba Thatba ] There might be a Shakira and Gerard Pique sex tape. Filmed by Shakira's former employee. [ Kickette ] Jose Mourinho has been compared to that disgraced Italian cruise ship captain. [ TFB ] If Carlos Tevez won't even play for Man City, there's no way he's paying their fines. [ Guardian ] MLS All-Star Game will be in Philly. But who will the MLSers play? [ KCKRS ] AS Roma and the 1942 Scudetto: A gift from Mussolini? [ IBWM ] Andrei Arshavin is not a goat. [ SB Nation ] Football clubs as periodic tables. [ TBG ]

After being whistled and jeered by fans at the Santiago Bernabeu during Real Madrid's 4-1 win over Athletic Bilbao on Sunday, Jose Mourinho has issued a public warning to the club's supporters that he could walk out to prove how good they currently have it with him in charge. "If first place in the league is not good enough for the fans, then I can leave," Mourinho said, crossing his arms in defiance. "Rafa Benitez can come. He can replace me here like at Inter and you can see how bad it can get. And since Rafa is fat hurricane of destruction, it will get bad. Everything will be sweaty." Madrid native Benitez started his managerial career as Real's youth coach before leading Valencia to two La Liga titles and winning the Champions League with Liverpool in 2005. Following several seasons with diminishing returns, he was dismissed and began a doomed stint as Mourinho's replacement at Inter in 2010. "Look at Inter," Mourinho continued. "I...

Public displays of dissent from your home fans and your captain during a loss to Manchester United are one thing, but we know Arsene Wenger's position at Arsenal has truly soured when the president of Rwanda tweets that he should leave the club. And that nightmare has now come true, surely causing a great deal of pain for Wenger if he at all cared. Which he probably doesn't. In a series of tweets directed at Kenyan journalist and fellow Arsenal fan Philip Etale, Kagame made his call for change using more exclamation points than you might expect from a head of state. From the AFP : "I very much support Arsenal - but to be honest Wenger needs to coach another team now and Arsenal needs another coach," Kagame wrote. [...] "When a good team (players) and a good coach fail for long to deliver, one of them has to change, or even both!!," said Kagame, who came to power in the small central African nation in 1994. "The real/main danger is for anyone to g...

Neymar may only be 19-years old, but Santos have confirmed his legendary status with a tribute in their club museum. The young striker has been immortalized with a display commemorating his rather excellent goal against Flamengo, which won the FIFA Pusks Award as the most "beautiful goal" of 2011. Also added to the museum was a bizarre metal statue, complete with flaming robotic orange Mohawk and incredibly sinister scowling eyes. Dirty Tackle cannot confirm who created the tin man tribute or why it looks the way it does, but we're going to assume it's made from cat food cans and that it also smells of cat food. We wouldn't want to suggest that Santos has rushed out some Neymar memorabilia before he makes his inevitable move to a European club, but, well... actually that's exactly what we want to suggest. Check out Neymar's museum-worthy goal after the jump...

Neymar may only be 19-years old, but Santos have confirmed his legendary status with a tribute in their club museum. The young striker has been immortalized with a display commemorating his rather excellent goal against Flamengo, which won the FIFA Pusks Award as the most "beautiful goal" of 2011. Also added to the museum was a bizarre metal statue, complete with flaming robotic orange Mohawk and incredibly sinister scowling eyes. Dirty Tackle cannot confirm who created the tin man tribute or why it looks the way it does, but we're going to assume it's made from cat food cans and that it also smells of cat food. We wouldn't want to suggest that Santos has rushed out some Neymar memorabilia before he makes his inevitable move to a European club, but, well... actually that's exactly what we want to suggest. Check out Neymar's museum-worthy goal after the jump...

Nathaniel Clyne With just seven days now to the close of the January transfer window the doors also appear to be shutting on possible ManchesterUnited late swoops. A trio of injuries picked up at Arsenal on Sunday has further decimated Sir Alex Fergusons squad but the Reds boss has continued to insist there will be no new faces brought in during this transfer window. Phil Jones could be out for three weeks with possible ankle ligament damage suffered at the Emirates, Nani is under treatment for a right foot injury that saw him leave Arsenal in a protective boot, and Wayne Rooney is sweating on making Uniteds FA Cup fourth round tie at Liverpool on Saturday lunchtime after limping away from Sundays match. But boosting the squad numbers seems unlikely with long-term Reds target Wesley Sneijder today insisting he is staying put with Inter Milan in Italy. He has suffered injuries this season which have restricted the playmaker to just eight matches, but he says: I...