Artur Borucs Friday Rage List

AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:

1. 2012 -- ONLY 11 MORE MONTHS UNTIL THE APOCALYPSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH I'VE ALREADY GOT MY PARTY HAT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND A PAPERCLIP IN MY POCKET!!!!!!!!! BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE I NEVER KNOW WHEN I MIGHT NEED TO CLIP PAPERS TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. THE OFFSIDE COIN -- I ALREADY KNOW THE OFFSIDE RULE SO THIS DOESN'T HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!! WHY DON'T THEY MAKE A COIN THAT SHOWS HOW TO AVOID BLACKING OUT WHEN YOU'RE IN A ROOM FULL OF GASOLINE AND PEPPER JACK CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3. NEYMAR SINGING WITH MICHEL TELO -- WHEN TAYLOR SWIFT AND I FINALLY SING OUR DUET "TOGETHER ON A STALLION AND VOMITING STARDUST" YOU WILL BE SO JEALOUS!!!!!!!!!!!! SO SO JEALOUS!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST NEED TO WRITE THE LAST VERSE!!!!!! WHAT RHYMES WITH "PUNCTURED AORTAS"?!?!?!?!?!?

4. CORN -- THE RESISTANCE AGAINST THE CORN CONSPIRACY IS GROWING STRONGER!!!!!!!!!! NOW WE NEED TO FOCUS ON THOSE BABY CORNS IN CHINESE FOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! BABY CORNS ARE THE SECRET MENACE!!!!!!!!!!!

5. FALLING OVER WHILE TRYING TO KICK A SEAT -- THIS IS EMBARRASSING!!!!!!!!! IT'S ALSO THE REASON WHY I ALWAYS HEADBUTT THINGS INSTEAD OF KICK THEM!!!!!!!!!! MUCH BETTER BALANCE!!!!!!!!!! AND RAW POWER!!!!!!!!!!

6. TAINT IN THE FACE -- NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7. TIM HOWARD REFUSING TO CELEBRATE HIS GOAL -- THAT'S NICE BUT IT'S TOO NICE!!!!!!!!! IF I SCORED A GOAL LIKE THAT I WOULD BE TOO BUSY DROPKICKING THE SUN BACK IN TIME SO IT COLLIDES WITH ITSELF AND CAUSES EVERYTHING TO EVAPORATE EXCEPT FOR ME AND AND AN ELF NAMED DAVE!!!!!!!!!!!

8. 2011 -- AHHHHHHH I JUST WROTE 2011 ON A VERY IMPORTANT DOCUMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS THE LAST TIME I WRITE SOMEONE'S DEATH CERTIFICATE BY HAND!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY ISN'T THERE A DEATH CERTIFICATE APP FOR THE IPAD YET?!?!?!??!

9. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI -- SO I WAS HURLING MY CHRISTMAS TREE INTO THE PACIFIC OCEAN FROM THE BACK PORCH OF MY HOUSE IN FLORENCE WHEN I HEARD MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI LAUGHING AT ME!!!!!!!!!!!! HE SAID "WHAT ARE YOU DOING ARTUR? IF YOU LEAVE YOUR TREE BY THE CURB A TRUCK WILL COME AND TAKE IT AWAY"!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SAID THAT WAS NOT AN ACCEPTABLE FORM OF TREE DISPOSAL TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE SAID "OH ARTUR YOU ALWAYS HAVE SUCH CRAZY IDEAS" AND I SAID "BALDERDASH!!!!!!!!!!!" AND THEN I THREW THE TREE AT HIS HOUSE!!!!!!!!! IT BROKE THREE WINDOWS BUT I HAD THEM REPLACED WITH EVEN BETTER WINDOWS THAT SAME DAY!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH I HOPE DAN'S NEW WINDOWS MAKE HIM REALIZE HOW INADEQUATE ALL HIS OTHER WINDOWS ARE!!!!!!!!!!

I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!