Soccer Sorcery

Well, this is a strange little scene, so of course it involves Mario Balotelli. Tutto sport and il Corriere dello Sport shared this video of what appears to be Mario Balotelli coming to the aid of a man who fainted in the middle of a parking lot. In the clip, Mario is wearing the same clothes he wore when he interrupted Inter caretaker manager Andrea Stramaccioni's press conference earlier this week, so it was probably from the same day. When Balotelli first walks up on the man, he talks to him a bit, then goes back inside to bring him some water. The man drinks it, allows Balotelli to help him up, and then the two walk off with their arms around each other. Was it some kind of prank or just Mario being a good Samaritan? Why is there a camera with a fish eye lens fixed on this scene in the first place? Forget it, Jake. It's Balotellitown.

Manchester United midfielder Tom Cleverley Manchester United midfielder Tom Cleverley is anxious to avoid the tag of being injury prone. Cleverley looked like being one of the stars of the season after making such an excellent start to the campaign. Unfortunately, the 22-year-old injured a foot at Bolton in September and was then just two games into his comeback when he hurt an ankle at Everton that ruled him out for a further three-and-a-half months. Even then it was not the end for Cleverley's problems as he picked up another foot injury on Europa League duty against Ajax that condemned him to another fortnight on the sidelines. Now the Bradford-raised midfielder is back and keen to play a central role in the Premier League title run-in. "It has been a bit stop-start," he told MUTV. "I don't want to get the tag of being injury prone, I have just been a bit unlucky. "The knock I got against Ajax was just somet...

Luka Modric and Wesley Sneijder - potential Manchester United targets As healing balms go, a 20th Premier League title and beating ManchesterCity into the bargain for the crown will be a soothing ointment to dollop on Manchester Uniteds European wounds. If the Reds prevail in the all-Manchester battle for the title then Champions League and Europa League exits will be put to one side in the celebrations. But the fact the Champions League is No 1 priority at Old Trafford means it would only be a temporary shelving of the Euro hurt. Having reached last seasons final, they were overwhelmed by Barcelona at Wembley. Post-final debate centred on the size of the chasm between the English champions and the all-conquering Spaniards. If it was wide at Wembley then it has been stretched even further this term. The last time they were so abject in Europe was in 2005, when they were dumped out of the Champions League and werent given a crack at the Europa L...

AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK: 1. BALL -- COME BACK HERE!!!!!!!!!!! COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH IF MY LEG STOPS WORKING FROM BENDING LIKE THIS I'M GOING TO USE IT TO BEAT THE CRUD OUT OF RODRIGO PALACIO'S CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2. PLAYING THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE ANTHEM AT A WEDDING -- THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S NOT ACCEPTABLE AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE ONLY WAY TO PROPERLY MARK A SACRED OCCASION LIKE A WEDDING IS BY SCREAMING INTO A FIRE HYDRANT AS IT BLASTS THE WEDDING GUESTS INDISCRIMINATELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH I MISS YOU SO MUCH GRANDMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 3. GERMAN FANS USING ARROWS TO POINT OUT THE GOAL -- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!???!! THIS PUTS THE OPPOSING GOALKEEPER AT AN UNFAIR DISADVANTAGE AND SHOULD BE PUNISHABLE WITH APPLESAUCE TORTURE!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS YET BUT WHEN I FIGURE IT OUT IT WILL BE HORRIFYING!!!!!!!!!!!...

Edinson Cavani's 33-year-old brother Walter Guglielmone (Gully) was sent off during a Campeonato Gaucho match against Caixas for shoving his teammate in the face. Twice. Gully and Douglas Silva got in a heated argument that Gully tried to settle by jamming his hand in Silva's face a couple of times as teammates and opponents tried to settle them down. When the referee extracted Guglielmone from the situation, Gully gave him a thumbs up and then the ref gave him a red card. Caxias went on to win 2-1. Clearly Guglielmone and Douglas Silva are not gullies for life . Video via 101gg

In the initial response to the announcement that work would soon begin on a ridiculous $1 billion Real Madrid-themed resort island in the United Arab Emirates, the focus was obviously on talk of brand growth and jokes about Pepe. But now that the plan has progressed and the foundation stone has been laid , Marca has noticed a tiny but interesting change Real Madrid made for this project. As the Spanish paper points out, the club removed the little cross from the crown atop their logo on the project's promotional materials (you can see the modified crest at the start of this video ). Marca describes the change as a means "to avoid any confusion or misinterpretation" in relation to a project being built in a largely Muslim region. The cross has only been a part of the club's crest because it was a part of King Alfonso XIII's crown, which was added to the crest in 1920 when he granted the club his royal patronage and their name changed from Madrid Club de Futbol to ...

Having a tattoo of the word 'Victoria' incorrectly spelled in Sanskrit clearly wasn't enough for David Beckham, so in 2008 he added to his ink collection with a lingerie-clad depiction of his wife on his left forearm. Despite being clearly visible for the past four years and essentially just an outline drawing of a woman in underwear the tattoo is now at the center of a huge kerfuffle, as it features on a flyer distributed by UK supermarket chain Sainsburys to 47,000 schools and community groups. The Sun reports: Pictures of Becks' tattoo of Victoria in lingerie on his arm appeared on promotional posters and collection boxes for the Sainsbury's Active Kids scheme. Anita Deacon, of Winshill Pre-School in Burton, Staffordshire, said: "We're not being prudish. "We just think it's inappropriate. The tattoo depicts Posh Spice wearing nothing but underwear and posing provocatively." Pre-school manager Lynne Baker also complained, saying she would...

It's been far too long since Andrei Arshavin continued the greatest Q&A ever with the crazies who read his official website and since he returned to Zenit St. Petersburg on loan from Arsenal until the end of the season, we've been light on Arshavin news in general. So to hear that Andrei was in a car accident in St. Petersburg was unsettling, but then RIA Novosit reported that his car's bumper was just "lightly scratched" and Andrei took to his official site to say that he even got a free grapefruit out of the deal. From Arshavin.eu : In order to avoid rumors and false information, I decided to clear things up regarding the car accident I got into. The accident occurred near the "Ozerki" metro station. I'm all right, no one was hurt. What struck me is that the driver of a passing streetcar gave me a grapefruit. Yes, this is what happens when you're a magical sprite like Andrei Arshavin. Your bumper gets scratched and the a Streetcar...

Manchester City striker Sergio 'Kun' Aguero has been ruled out of Saturday's home match against Sunderland with a mystery injury that could keep him off the field for an indefinite amount of time. The only thing manager Roberto Mancini has revealed about the ailment is that it was 'stupid'. Take it away, Daily Mail : 'It is a stupid injury,' said Mancini. 'It was not his fault but he can't play with this injury; for one day, 10 days or two weeks. I don't know.' Mancini has refused to say exactly what happened but repeatedly used the word 'stupid' when asked. 'I prefer not to say,' he said. 'But he couldn't play against Stoke and can't play tomorrow. I hope he can recover for Arsenal next weekend.' It's unclear why Mancini is being so cagey about the situation, but 'stupid' injuries may occur in any of the following situations: - Requesting your tremendous salary in cash and dropping it on your foot ...

Manchester United's Phil Jones Phil Jones was part of the Blackburn Roversbarrier that has proved so difficult for Manchester United to knock down over the years - but it is the memory of the Reds' title celebrations at Ewood Park that persuaded the defender to switch clubs. Jones was only a raw teenager when he made his first appearance against Sir Alex Ferguson's men, a goalless draw in 2010 that effectively ended any hope United had of overhauling Chelsea for the championship. The same outcome last term had totally different consequences as a late Wayne Rooney equaliser proved enough to clinch that record 19th championships. United began their party on the field as soon as the final whistle blew. And Jones wanted a piece of the action. "That is exactly why I left," he said. "I had some fond memories from my time at Blackburn and there are some wonderful people at the club. "But I wanted to win trophies and become part of ...

Roy Keane and Patrick Vieira in their playing days It must be squeaky bum time! As the Premier League title race reaches fever pitch, Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson has mused about bringing Roy Keane out of retirement to silence Patrick Vieira and admitted he was close to pulling on the boots himself as United saw out a nervy 1-0 win against Fulham. The United manager has reverted to default mode in the face of the challenge coming from his increasingly noisy neighbours, ManchesterCity. It might not be full-on mind games yet but there are clearly signs of Ferguson readying himself for the fight as the war of words between the Manchester two rumbles on. Ferguson stopped short of calling on the FA to sanction Vieira over his comments that United and other big teams receive favourable treatment from referees. The former City midfielder and now football development executive claims his comments were misrepresented but Fergusons message to the Fren...

While Milan fans already won for most visually wonderful display of the week , Schalke fans take the award for best expression of displeasure. Schalke played Athletic Bilbao at the Veltins Arena for the first leg of their Europa League quarterfinal after it had been announced that tickets for the second leg in Bilbao, Spain would cost Schalke fans 90 per ticket. So the German fans unfurled banners during the match that read (in Spanish): "90 per ticket = one euro per minute? Football is not phone sex!" Athletic went on to win 4-2, which means any Schalke fans who pay such a high price to attend the second leg might be better off calling an S&M line.

On Thursday, following the scoreless first leg of Milan and Barcelona's Champions League quarterfinal, Barcelona filed an official complaint with UEFA regarding the sloppy condition of the pitch at the San Siro. This is Xavi's plea... Gentlemen of UEFA, Normally, I would introduce myself as Xavi -- defender of all that is good and just -- and I would offer you a generous gift of train whistles and various cheeses, but today there is no time for such pleasantries. A savage, intestine-devouring murder has occurred and now I come to you in the hopes of punishing the demons responsible! Now, this was not the murder of an innocent human being. It was, in fact, far worse. It was the murder of football. This may sound like an exaggeration, but I assure you it is not. Football is dead forever and there is blood and urine all over Milan's hands. Literally. Under a nightmarish black sky in a wretched city that definitely is not Barcelona, my colleagues and I attempted to unite the w...

Before Chivas had to contend with the Copa Libertadores debut of the Busquets Peek , they first had to protect themselves from kick to the junk. In the 89th minute of their 2-0 win over Toluca last weekend, 17-year-old Carlos Fierro (who is somehow allowed to wear No. 104) challenged Edgar Duenas for a ball and hooked his leg inside the Toluca defender's. Duenas did not appreciate this leg-lock defense, so he pulled off a spinning crotch kick in retaliation. That earned him a straight red card while Fierro came away with a yellow. Video via Sport Witness

An angry Maradona called a group of Al Shabab fans "cowards" after he jumped into the stands to defend his partner, Veronica Ojeda (Maradona calls her his wife, but it's unclear if that's official), from verbal abuse after Al Wasl's 2-0 loss on Thursday. From Gulf News : Ciel, a Brazilian striker, who set up and then scored in the 2-0 win was the subject of much fury by Argentinean supporters from Diego Maradona's entourage, which included Maradona's partner Veronica and Al Wasl player Juan Mercier's other half. This reaction in turn sparked fury from Al Shabab supporters defending the Brazilian after countless insults were exchanged. The Al Wasl wives and girlfriends were then escorted away from their seats by security, but Juan Mercier's wife tripped and fell on the stairs, prompting Mercier and Maradona to get involved. Said Maradona after things settled down: "Some people are cowards. They only attack women and have no courage to con...

Donetsk will be one of the host cities when Euro 2012 is held in Ukraine and Poland this summer (three Group D matches, a quarterfinal and semifinal will be held there) and to set the mood around town, they've converted tram stops to look like goals with stadium seats inside them. I'm guessing none of those women are in the mood to play as the keeper when a group of kids playing street football attempt to make use of that goal. The baby could be up for it, though. It looks like he's already wearing his Petr Cech style headgear.

Following Barcelona's scoreless draw against Milan at the San Siro in Wednesday night, the Catalan club decided to stay in Italy a bit longer to avoid travel complications from the general strike in Spain. Inter graciously allowed them to train at their facility and though there were many Barca fans there to greet them, there were chants and banners referencing former Inter manager Jose Mourinho. The man who knocked Barca out of the Champions League semifinal in 2010 before leading Inter to winning the tournament and subjecting himself to a never-ending series of rematches against Barcelona as manager of Real Madrid surely got a maniacal laugh out of it too. And suddenly, his decision to publicly entertain the idea of returning to Inter just before Barcelona's visit makes even more sense.

Fulham manager Martin Jol remonstrates with referee Michael Oliver after Manchester United's win on Monday Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson insists that lucky breaks even themselves out over the course of a season. On Wednesday, Patrick Vieira claimed that United, along with most major clubs in Spain and Italy, benefited from favourable decisions on home soil, although the Manchester City man has since said his comments were taken out of context . The argument has been reignited following Michael Oliver's failure to award Fulham a last-minute penalty at Old Trafford on Monday for Michael Carrick's clumsy challenge on Danny Murphy. Ferguson accepts United - who won the game 1-0 - were lucky with that one. However, he can cite plenty of other instances where his team were wronged. "From the referee's position, I can see why he didn't give a penalty when Danny Murphy was brought down," he said. "...

Fulham manager Martin Jol remonstrates with referee Michael Oliver after Manchester United's win on Monday Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson insists that lucky breaks even themselves out over the course of a season. On Wednesday, Patrick Vieira claimed that United, along with most major clubs in Spain and Italy, benefited from favourable decisions on home soil. The argument has been reignited following Michael Oliver's failure to award Fulham a last-minute penalty at Old Trafford on Monday for Michael Carrick's clumsy challenge on Danny Murphy. Ferguson accepts United - who won the game 1-0 - were lucky with that one. However, he can cite plenty of other instances where his team were wronged. "From the referee's position, I can see why he didn't give a penalty when Danny Murphy was brought down," he said. "The ball moved to the angle as Michael Carrick challenged him. From that position, it wasn'...

Knock knock, Pep. Who's there? Zlatan. Zlatan who? I am Zlatan. And your chin looks like a Greek person's elbow. How do you like that Pep? I don't mean my joke about your elbow chin -- that's genius, so of course you don't like it -- I mean the fact that I held your band of hormone-infused munchkins scoreless for the first time in their last 30 Champions League matches. On the Zlatan scale of happiness from one to Ibrafinity, I bet you're at a negative Pepteen right now. That's bad. Real bad. Milan ran Zliot (that's a riot, but with dangerous levels of Zlatan mixed in) on you at the San Siro and you were helpless to fight back. But why didn't I score a goal to completely destroy you once and for all? Because like any great showman/executioner/human python I'm building the anticipation and will only strike when it hurts you the most. In the second leg. At the Camp Nou. While your friends eat gluten free ham. But just to be clear...since I know you...

The Busquets Peek -- a move in which a thespian footballer feigns a blow to the head then takes a sneaky look around for the ref once on the ground -- may have been perfected by Sergio Busquets and imitated by Didier Drogba on European soil, but like any fearsome plague, it has now spread to foreign shores. During Wednesday's Copa Libertadores match between Defensor Sporting and Chivas, Defensor Braian Aleman nearly gave himself whiplash as he pretended to take a phantom elbow to the face just outside the box. Then, to see if the ref had fallen for his ruse, he peeked out from behind his arm with one eye as his legs flailed behind him. And just the even out the yin and yang of false victims and hidden attacks, Aleman's teammate, Ramon Arias, tried to hide an actual elbow to an opponent's face by pretending to wipe his nose in the most spastic was possible. This too went unpunished. Defensor won 1-0. Thanks to @PedroUnplugged for the tip!

Prior to the first leg of Milan's Champions League quarterfinal against Barcelona, fans at the San Siro assembled a Pac-Man mosaic that featured the classic video game character chasing down a ghost in the colors of Barcelona's away kit. The text on the banner in the middle of the display read "Let's eat them!" Though there wasn't much eating done during the scoreless match (except for some grass -- the pitch was terrible), it was a good showing from the supporters and one that was reminiscent of the Mario Bros. display in Chicago two years ago. Another view of Pac-Man this way...

The plans for an official hotline that will allow whistleblowers to report match-fixing to FIFA is also being proposed to allow reports of corruption among FIFA executives, as well. With enough corruption and bribery accusations to fill a timeline last year, the fact that this proposal now being pushed isn't a surprise. And neither is the fact that FIFA expects a phone line for FIFA corruption that is answered by FIFA to be taken seriously. From the AP : The introduction of the hotline was delayed in January, but outgoing FIFA security chief Chris Eaton said Wednesday at the SoccerEx convention that a plan is in place to expand its role and cover all corruption allegations. It is not yet clear when the hotline will be open to the public. Words like "delayed" and "outgoing" don't sound too promising, but this would be the gift that keeps on giving if it is open to the public (assuming it doesn't cost $15.99 a minute to call, which it probably will). Eve...

There's still eight Premier League rounds left to be played and Manchester United only have a slippery three-point lead on Man City in the table, but that hasn't stopped one Man United T-shirt site from already counting their 20th title and mocking City all in one premature shirt. Already on sale at UnitedTees.com, the shirt is being billed as an exercise of faith, not only announcing the club's 20th league title, but with the added barb of "Money only gets you so far..." directed at City (like Man United players are being paid in candy). The shirt is surely an attempt to grab attention for the small business and, as you can see, it's working. Of course, if City win the title, the site will likely be attacked by fans of both clubs -- perhaps even more so by the most superstitious Man United supporters -- but I guess that's still better than being unknown.

On the eve of Milan's huge quarter-final first leg tie with Barcelona, Mark van Bommel brought his kids along to a Barca training session at the San Siro. Perhaps forgetting that their father hasn't played for the Spanish giants in six years and that he now plays for their immediate European opponents young Thomas and Ruben wore Barcelona shirts as they watched the Spanish champions train. Van Bommel supported Barca as a kid and appears to have passed his passion to his children, but he probably could have picked a better time to parade his offspring in Catalan colors. [ Video: Sport.es ]

Crawley Town beat Bradford City 2-1 in their League Two match on Tuesday despite being shown six yellow cards to Bradford's one. The referee became even more busy at the final whistle when a brawl kicked off between the two clubs ( video here or here ), resulting in five red cards distributed back in the dressing rooms. From Reuters : "I can't believe this has happened," Bradford manager Phil Parkinson, who had three players shown red cards after the 2-1 home defeat on Tuesday night, told the BBC. "I have never been in a situation before where a ref has come into the dressing room, pulled players on one side and sent them off. He wouldn't allow me in there." As unusual as that sounds, it was even weirder when the ref forced the players sent off from the dressing room to go back into the pitch.

Football Legends Denis Law and Bryan Robson at Old Trafford Bryan Robson today re-ignited the war of words between Manchester United and Manchester City joining Sir Alex Ferguson in slamming Roberto Mancinis decision to recall Carlos Tevez. The former United and England captain also hit out at Patrick Vieiras claims that Paul Scholes retirement U-turn was a sign of the Premier League champions weakness. Scholes has been in hot form since making his comeback in January after hanging his boots up at the end of last season and is recognised as a prime reason why the Reds have overtaken City at the top of the table. City broughtTevez back from exile after the Argentine striker was suspended and fined for his refusal to follow Mancinis orders at Bayern Munich in September. Robbo said: Even trying to compare Paul Scholes with a Tevez, with the character that Scholes is, is just a nonsense. Not wanting to play and going off to Argentina for months was bad for fo...

How has your week been, Mario? So-so. Man City only managed a draw at Stoke. I didn't score. Roberto Mancini is frustrated with me. I rediscovered the value of silent meditation. I intruded on Inter's press conference and I helped a depressed young boy. Wow, how did that last one happen? It's a difficult subject for me. If you don't mind, I would prefer to discuss the press conference. Mario, we would really like to hear what happened. Alright, well, I don't like to go on the Internet very often. But when I do use it, I choose to stay away from all the stupid football websites. No offense. None taken. So, when I do go online, I try to find people in need. I search a group of keywords I learned from this child psychology book I've been reading before matches and that brought me to a personal blog post written by a boy in Northern Ireland that I found alarming. So I wrote an anonymous comment that I hoped would brighten his perspective on things. I'd rather no...

There have been problems around Europe with fans throwing objects at players and causing injuries, fear or both. But when Spartak Moscow fans hit Dinamo Moscow defender Vladimir Rykov directly atop the head with a snowball last weekend, it didn't seem to cause him either one. Rykov was walking up the pitch when the snowball connected with his melon, prompting him to calmly look up to the stands. Anyway, this was something of an improvement to the escalator apocalypse Spartak and CSKA Moscow fans caused last week.

A handful of footballers have been given the name "Pele" since the original became a worldwide icon, so it was probably inevitable that others with the name "Lionel Messi" would start popping up sooner or later. And relegation threatened French Ligue 2 club Angers have signed perhaps the first young player to be the given the name and the unreasonable expectations that go with it. From the AP : Angers head of youth recruitment Axel Labatiniere said his club watched Lionel Messi Nyamsi, a 17-year-old central midfielder who was born in Cameroon, playing for Toulouse Fontaines in February and was struck by his natural ability. [...] "I've had other offers but I think I'll end up at Angers," Messi was quoted as saying on French football website Chronofoot. "My greatest wish is to play alongside Leo Messi. I was born in Cameroon but I'm French. I would choose France." Well, Ligue 2 clubs are in FIFA 12, so maybe he can make that dream com...

After sacking Claudio Ranieri on Monday, Inter named youth team coach Andrea Stramaccioni the club's caretaker manager. At the press conference to announce this change and introduce Stramaccioni, there was an interruption. And of course that interruption was Mario Balotelli. With nothing to do between matches with Man City (aside from training or handing out money to homeless people), Mario decided to stop by his old club to congratulate the coach, even though Stramaccioni took over the Primavera squad after Mario was already with Man City. It also didn't matter if Stramaccioni was in the middle of the something -- when Mario saunters in, he takes precedence. Though his stay was brief -- he shook hands with each person at the podium amidst a bit of laughter and then quickly left at their urging -- he successfully made a boring press conference for a man who probably won't have the job very long a little bit interesting. Thanks, Mario. UPDATE: Inter general manager Ernesto P...

Manchester Uniteds Darren Fletcher Manchester Uniteds Darren Fletcher is optimistic he will be able to make his comeback from a chronic bowel condition next season. The midfielder has not played since November 22 due to a condition known as ulcerative colitis, a form of inflammatory bowel disease. Fletcher, 27, is still to return to training and has instead taken over some of the coaching duties Paul Scholes abandoned when he came out of retirement. There is still no precise date for when Fletcher will step up his recovery programme. Im still not ready to come back playing or training yet but Im listening to the medical people and trying to get myself right, Fletcher said. Manchester United 1 Fulham 0: Sir Alex Ferguson admits visitors 'had a claim' for penalty A title would be simply fantastic but not Sir Alex Fergusons greatest achievement... The challenge and the focus is to be ready for next season. ...

Manchester United's Ryan Giggs gets away from Fulham's Clint Dempsey during the Barclays Premier League match at Old Trafford Manchester United's Ryan Giggs gets away from Fulham's Clint Dempsey during the Barclays Premier League match at Old Trafford 1 / 5 Play Slideshow Picture Gallery: Manchester United 1 Fulham FC 0 Tweet

Barcelona visited Mallorca on Saturday and though they came away with a 2-0 win (Leo Messi, of course, scored the first goal while Shakira's boyfriend had the other), it was what they left behind that interested Canal+. Sending cameras into Barcelona's abandoned dressing room after the match, the TV station discovered the remains of a very healthy matchday spread of bananas, an assortment of bite sized fruits and water. When Real Madrid visited Mallorca back in January, they had a significantly different dressing room meal. Naturally, Canal+ also decided to capture what was left of that, as well. And what did they find? Pizza boxes... Pizza boxes everywhere. So what's the lesson we take from this revelation? Second place teams eat fruit. First place teams gorge themselves on pizza. And Messi probably eats enchanted turkey meat. Video of this investigative journalism at AS .

Sunderland striker Nicklas Bendtner has had to wear a protective mask since suffering facial injuries during a match against Swansea in January and now that his time wearing it is nearing an end, he's admitted that it impairs his vision. From the Independent : "I can't see with it on," he said. "I give the ball away because I can't see sometimes. It's not good because sometimes if you see a run, your eye disappears in the mask so you are seeing out of the eye that you can't see the run. It's difficult." "Seeing out of the eye that you can't see the run"? Are you sure it's not impairing your speaking ability too? Even though Nicklas says he can't see with the mask on, he's actually scored three goals in his last five matches with Sunderland -- doubling his season total. So maybe seeing too much was his problem before wearing the mask. Anyway, Petr Cech has a response to Bendtner's complaint... "What a baby...

Wayne Rooney celebrates his goal in the 1-0 victory for Manchester United over Fulham at Old Trafford in the Premier League Wayne Rooney put the boot into Citys title hopes a blue one at that. One thump of the United hitmans odd and ironic selection of footwear colour kept up his red hot streak and put the champions in charge of the destiny of the league crown. Now hes homing in on the Premier Leagues golden boot as well with 21 league goals this season and 29 in all to date from 36 appearances. Youd have thought on nights such as this Rooney would have been crashing through the 30-goal barrier and a few others would have been joining in. But they let City off the hook in terms of the goal difference advantage as they struggled to find their killer touch in an edgy display. Manchester United 1-0 Fulham: Player ratings - Young and Valencia the star men for the Reds There was a pre-match air about Old Trafford that the stadium sensed another big s...

Cruz Azul's Emanuel Villa is apparently on a mission to recreate all the most famous moments from World Cup history that he probably shouldn't. In January, he scored a goal with his hand against Atlante and now he's keeping the trend of Zidane-like headbutts to the chest alive with this effort against Puebla on Sunday. Villa was sent off for the off the ball attack on Jonathan Laserda, but after the match, he apologized for hurting his team via his Twitter account (another ongoing trend among footballers , it seems) and claimed that he only did it because Laserda slapped him first. The match ended 1-1, with Villa scored Cruz Azul's only goal (DaMarcus Beasley scored Puebla's). Thanks to Marcell for the tip!

Goalkeeper Anders Lindegaard Anders Lindegaard admits he doesnt know when he will be back in action for United. The Reds keeper had been involved in a battle with David de Gea for the first-team job when he suffered an ankle injury in training at the end of January. It was initially thought the injury would keep him out for a month, but the Dane has revealed he still has no date yet for a return. It has been a frustrating time, but thats how life goes, said 27-year-old Lindegaard. I dont know when I will be back, so I just have to keep smiling. It is the worst possible time for anyone to get injured. The frustration is greater because since De Gea returned he has produced a series of magnificent performances to keep United in the title race. Of course I hope to have some involvement in the final part of the season, Lindegaard said. Manchester United to tone down squad rotation policy Manchester United legend Steve Bruce fire...

Some might say that Maradona only agreed to manage Dubai club Al Wasl for the money, but you can't say he doesn't care about his team. Even though Al Wasl won Saturday's match against Emirates Club 4-1, an Al Wasl shot that skidded wide of the post drove Maradona to express his dismay through a somersault. If they ever lose a penalty shootout, he will probably need a pommel horse.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic scored both of Milan's goals in their 2-1 win over Roma on Saturday. The first was a penalty, but to score the second, Zlatan chipped the ball over the keeper and into outer space before holding off a defender to head it in himself. Milan's Thiago Silva had to be subbed off in the 10th minute with an injury and after the match, Zlatan shared how important the well being of his teammates is to hi. And he did it in the most Zlatan way possible (via Goal.com ): "There's only a month to go and we need everyone on the pitch. If my teammates are happy then I'm happy as well. I'm used to thinking about the others, I grew up like this and that's just how Ibra works." So, wait, when someone says they're thinking about others, then refers to themselves in the third person, does that mean they're actually just thinking about themself? Anyway, Zlatan speaking in the third person is hardly news, but now we know that he's taken it t...

Sir Alex Ferguson believes Manchester United are in the right place at the right time to strike for Premier League glory, even though he accepts his side let the fans down in Europe. Manchester City's failure to win at Stoke yesterday means a draw against Fulham at Old Trafford tomorrow night will be enough for United to reclaim top spot. Ferguson will be after a win though as he looks to turn the screw on City, who he feels may be starting to get affected by the pressure that is exerted in the battle for major honours. "We are in the right place, at the right time and, most importantly, with the right players," he told United Review. "After weeks trailing in second place we got our noses in front and I am sure our players are ready to put the pressure on again. "Our guys have been flogging away and perhaps wondering if they would ever catch up before we hit the finishing line. "Well, we did and they are capable of going in fro...

Carlo Ancelotti has never been one to shy away from the chance to lead a club sing-along , so PSG sent him and his players to a recording studio so they could lay down their rendition of " Allez Paris Saint-Germain ." If the song sounds like something from the Village People, that's because it is -- the PSG-centric lyrics are set to the disco group's "Go West." You might think that a club now owned by the Qatar Investment Authority would have the money to update the tune, but no. This is what's happening in Paris in the year 2012.

Angered by a Seattle ballboy who didn't hand him the ball exactly how he wanted before a seventh-minute throw in against the Sounders on Friday night, Houston's Colin Clark called the kid a "f***ing f****t." The gay slur was picked up loud and clear by pitchside microphones for the nationally televised match ( video here -- NSFW language , obviously), so everyone watching at home immediately knew what Clark had done. After the match, Clark tried to do damage control for himself and posted an apology on Twitter . He said: "I'd like to offer a sincere apology to everyone who watched the game, especially the ball boy for whom I used awful language towards. "I didn't mean to disrespect anyone and am sorry for letting my emotions get the best of me. It's not who I am and it won't happen again." Though Houston went on to lose the match 2-0, keep in mind that this happened when it was 0-0 in the seventh minute. What could the ballboy have po...

The biennial Sport Relief charity telethon began Friday and Chelsea's Frank Lampard joined his fiance Christine Bleakley and the cast of Outnumbered (plus a guest appearance by Howard Webb) in a comedy sketch to support it. The premise of the sketch is that Lampard is stuck with Karen from Outnumbered, a mascot for the "big" match against Aston Villa, while Christine has to put up with the men of the family in the stands. Karen annoys Lampard more and more as they wait in the tunnel before the match (she asks if he has a nickname, he claims he doesn't), showing that Frank might have a future as the straight man in a comedy duo. I won't ruin the ending, but let's just say that the part about Howard Webb, could still happen in real life. Video via @BluesChronicle

AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK: 1. WAITING -- I HATE WAITING FOR THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M WAITING FOR BUT IT'S ALREADY AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH THIS INVISIBLE CHAIR IS OFFERING ME NO BACK SUPPORT AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2. SEVILLA'S HOT DOG BENCHES -- MAKING PLAYERS AND COACHES SIT INSIDE A MEAT TUBE IS DEMEANING!!!!!!!!!! THEY WOULD NEVER PUT HOT DOGS INSIDE OF PLAYERS DURING A MATCH SO DON'T PUT PLAYERS INSIDE A HOT DOG!!!!!!!!!!! ANYWAY IT WOULD BE COOL IF THERE WERE ACTUAL DOGS MADE OF FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WOULD NAME MINE HERBIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 3. THE ATHENS DERBY FIRES -- DOGS MADE OF FIRE ARE GREAT BUT DERBIES MADE OF FIRE ARE NOT!!!!!!!!!!! THERE IS A DIFFERENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALTHOUGH CREATING SOMETHING CALLED THE HERBIE DERBY WOULD BE HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA I AM LAUGHING AND PUNCHING AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4. CORN -- I CAN'T REM...

With Royal Antwerp's John Cofie (on loan from Manchester United) running down a ball headed for Tubize's dugout during a Belgian second division match, Tubize manager Dante Brogno decided that the best way to stop the 19-year-old would be to put his foot about waist high. So instead of getting out of the way, Brogno let Cofie collide with him, but only after developing enough sense to put down his foot before Cofie could run into it. It was definitely a strange move from the manager and one that Cofie did not appreciate, which is why he gave Brogna a shove as they collided. The situation was quickly defused and Tubize went on to win 3-2. Video via 101gg

As the season nears its end and Manchesters United and City remain in contention for the Premier League title, the mind games have intensified as the two sides debate which club is more desperate. "There will be plenty of ammunition," Sir Alex Ferguson warned at his Friday press conference . The following is a transcript of Ferguson and Roberto Mancini putting that ammo to use. Mancini: Bringing Paul Scholes out of retirement was so desperate. What are you going to do when he breaks a hip? Ferguson: You played a player the other night who refused to go on the pitch, the manager said he'd never play again and he takes a five-month holiday in Argentina. What is that? Could that come under the description of desperation?' Mancini: No. That comes under the description of: "You're stupid." Ferguson: No, you are the one who is stupid. Mancini: You can't even keep your young players. Ravel Morrison is gone and Paul Pogba is next. Maybe we'll sign hi...