Arsene Wenger clearly does not want to be talking to Rafa Benitez

Oh God, not this guy. What was his name again? Ralphie? Robbie? Roger? Rafa! Rafa Benitez. Wow, I thought they locked him up. Did he say he's a blogger now? That's just sad. And now he's trying to give me a dossier about how Alex Ferguson is the puppet master behind the Illuminati. This is making me uncomfortable. Did UEFA put him here as part of my punishment?

We're losing to Schalke at home, I've got a touchline ban and Rafa Benitez won't stop talking about how much he misses conducting press conferences. This night could not possibly get any worse...

...I stand corrected. Roy Hodgson. In my ear. Right now.

What is this, failed Liverpool managers night or something? All I want to do is watch the game, maybe throw a water bottle or two and not have to hear about Alex Ferguson putting floride in the world's drinking water or that Kenny Dalglish may or may not have an evil twin brother who stole his identity eight years ago. And to make it that much worse, his breath smells like cat food. Why does his breath smell like cat food?

Maybe if I just keep my eyes on the match and rub my hands together he'll get the hint and him and Rafa can go talk about the traffic in Milan or something. Ugh, it's not working. That's it. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I'm going to call him a racist and hope he leaves. I don't want to call him a racist, but at this point I really don't care anymore.

If Gerard Houllier comes up to me next, I'm going to punch him in the jaw.