Artur Borucs Friday Rage List

AHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:

1. MY SUNGLASSES -- I FORGOT I WAS WEARING THEM FOR A SECOND AND THOUGHT THE SUN FINALLY DIED FROM A MASSIVE HEART ATTACK AFTER SO MANY YEARS OF GORGING ITS FAT FACE ON MOON CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT THEN I REMEMBERED I WAS WEARING SUNGLASSES AND SCREAMED FOR NO REASON!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!!!!!!!!!

2. WAYNE ROONEY SWEARING AT THE CAMERA -- I SEE ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM WITH THIS WHATSOEVER!!!!!! WHATSOEVER!!!!!!!!! IF MORE PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD SHOUTED EXPLETIVES AT LIVE TELEVISION CAMERAS THE WORLD WOULD BE A MUCH BETTER PLACE!!!!!!!!!! ALSO PEOPLE SHOULD PUNCH EACH OTHER MORE OFTEN!!!!!!!!!!!

3. FULHAM'S MICHAEL JACKSON STATUE -- OF ALL THE POP STARS TO BUILD A STATUE FOR WHY DID THEY HAVE TO CHOOSE THE ONE WHO GIVES ME THE MOST WAKING NIGHT TERRORS?!??!?!?!??!? I TOLD THEM TO BUILD A TAYLOR SWIFT STATUE INSTEAD BUT THEY DIDN'T LISTEN TO ME!!!!!!!!!!! NOBODY EVER LISTENS TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!! I WOULD SAY THAT'S WHY I SCREAM SO MUCH BUT IT'S REALLY BECAUSE I JUST LIKE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LIKE IT SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. CORN -- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5. JENS LEHMANN SUING TIM WIESE FOR MUPPET COMMENT -- THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING!!!!!!!!!! GOALKEEPERS ARE TOO INTELLIGENT TO ! BE SUING EACH OTHER OVER STUPID INSULTS!!!!!!!!!!! IF ANYTHING JENS SHOULD HAVE BEAT WIESE TO WITHIN AN INCH OF HIS LIFE WITH AN ACTUAL MUPPET AND THEN SAID SOMETHING WITTY LIKE "YOU JUST GOT FRAGGLE ROCKED!!!!!!!!!" THAT'S WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH NOW I HOPE SOMEONE MAKES A MUPPET COMMENT ABOUT ME SO I CAN ACTUALLY DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6. THE PENALTY KICK BACK FLIP -- OHMYGOD IF THIS KID EVER DOES THIS AGAINST ME I WILL FILL HIS EMAIL INBOX WITH ACTUAL SPAM!!!!!!!!!!!! AND BY THAT I MEAN I WILL THROW CANS OF MEAT AT HIS COMPUTER UNTIL IT EXPLODES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH MY COMPUTER DOESN'T HAVE ANY VIRUSES BUT IT DOES HAVE MAGGOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!

7. THE FOOTBALLER WHO ANSWERED HIS PHONE DURING A MATCH -- NO CALL IS IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO INTERRUPT A MATCH!!!!!!!!!!! ONE TIME MY UNCLE CALLED DURING A MATCH TO SAY THAT HE JUST SAW A SQUIRREL GET HIT BY A VESPA SCOOTER BUT BECAUSE I DIDN'T CALL HIM BACK UNTIL AFTER THE MATCH BY THE TIME I GOT THERE THE SQUIRREL HAD ALREADY BEEN RUN OVER BY SEVERAL CARS AND A BUS!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH IT LOOKED EVEN MORE AWESOME THAN IT WOULD HAVE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!

8. JUSTIN BIEBER TRAINING WITH BARCELONA -- I HATE THAT KID SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!! SOMETIMES HE WINS AWARDS INSTEAD OF TAYLOR SWIFT AND IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M GOING TO ASK HIM TO TRAIN WITH FIORENTINA JUST SO I CAN TELL HIM THAT TAYLOR'S SONGS ARE FAR SUPERIOR TO HIS AND THEN KICK HIM WITH THE LEG OF AN OLD WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!

9. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI -- SO I WAS MAKING A BULLETPROOF VEST OUT OF STYROFOAM AND PAPER WHEN MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWS! KI WALKE D INTO MY BATHROOM WITHOUT EVEN KNOCKING!!!!!!!!!!! I COULD HAVE BEEN NAKED IN THERE!!!!!!!!!! BUT INSTEAD I WAS COVERED IN STYROFOAM AND PAPER CUTS!!!!!!!!! HE ASKED ME IF I WAS OKAY AND I SAID "YES DAN I AM JUST FINE THANK YOU FOR ASKING!!!!!!!!" BUT I SAID IT IN A WAY SO HE WOULD KNOW THAT IF I HAD A GARDEN TOOL IN MY HAND I WOULD HAVE THROWN IT AT HIM!!!!!!! BUT I DIDN'T SO I JUST STARED AT HIM FOR A REALLY LONG TIME!!!!!!!!!!! HE FINALLY LEFT AFTER A WHILE AND I WENT BACK TO MAKING MY VEST!!!!!!!!!!! ANYWAY NOW I'M BLEEDING PROFUSELY AND I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT WASN'T A VERY GOOD STORY!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH I HOPE DAN BURNED HIS MOUTH WITH EXTREMELY HOT SOUP WHEN HE GOT HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!

Photo: FORUM/Maciej Figurski