Random musings of footballers before they fall asleep

Sir Alex Ferguson

That's right. Honorary doctorate. ... Now everyone will have to call me Dr. Sir Alex Ferguson. ... It doesn't get anymore awesome than that. ... Dr. Sir Alex Ferguson sounds like the kind of man who carries a sword and dresses in those baggy Renaissance clothes. ... Maybe I should start doing that. ... No one will mess with Dr. Sir Alex Ferguson. Not even Dalglish. ... We'll see who Boyzone invites to their concerts now...

Neymar's Hair

I feel dirty. ... So...so dirty...

Kim Su-Gyong

OK, this is not going well. ... We're going to need a good excuse or the Dear Leader will do to us what he did to the men's team last summer and make us watch the Green Street Hooligan movie on repeat until we believe Elijah Wood could actually beat up another human being. ... The horror. ... Anyway, excuses. ... Well, we could say that our team is just too young and lacking the necessary resources to succeed. But that probably wouldn't go over so hot. ... We co! uld also say we were all struck by lightning three weeks ago and that's why we lost. ... Yeah! That's the ticket! ... Lightning. Yeah...

Tim Howard

It's time for the disgraces!!! ... First, Spanish. I hate Spanish!!! Even if the primary broadcaster is a Spanish-language network and you do actually mix in some English, medal ceremonies in the USA should not be in Spanish!!! That's a bilingual f***ing disgrace!!! ... Second, Jonathan Bornstein. Why does he keep getting to play?!?! Whenever I see him in my backline, I have the sudden urge to step in front of a speeding bus filled with the Ebola virus!!! That's a soul-crushing f***ing disgrace!!! ... Third, there's Bob Bradley. He's always staring at nothing!!! That's a disturbing f***ing disgrace!!! ... Finally, there was that time Mexico beat us in the Gold Cup final after we were up 2-0. That...that was a...

Photos: Reuters, Getty