Artur Borucs Friday Rage List

AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:

1. BASKETBALL -- IN HONOR OF THE NBA FINALS I DECIDED TO PLAY SOME BASKETBALL MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!! BORUC SLAM!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH WHY CAN'T THEY MAKE A BACKBOARD STRONG ENOUGH TO WITHSTAND MY POWER JAMS!???!?!?!?!?!?!???!

2. WAYNE ROONEY'S NEW HAIR -- IF YOU'RE GOING TO GET A HAIR TRANSPLANT WHY NOT HAVE THEM USE SOMETHING COOL LIKE SNAKES OR BARBED WIRE INSTEAD OF STUPID HAIR?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!?!?!! AHHHHHHHHHH I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL I PULL ALL OF MY HAIR OUT SO I CAN DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3. SEPP BLATTER'S COUNCIL OF WISDOM -- WHY AM I NOT ON THIS?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!? I WOULD REQUIRE ALL FIFA BRIBES TO BE PAID IN RACCOON MEAT AND I WOULD NAME TAYLOR SWIFT TO A SPECIAL COUNCIL OF BEAUTIFUL SINGERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH PULLING OUT MY HAIR IS EVEN MORE FUN THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. CORN -- FOOTBALL PLAYING ROBOT CATS!!!!!!!!!!! THE CORN IS PRODUCING FOOTBALL PLAYING ROBOT CATS!!!!!!!!!!! LUCKILY I WAS ABLE TO SABOTAGE THE FIRST ONE AND MAKE IT DECAPITATE ITSELF BUT THERE WILL BE MORE!!!!!!!!! THE KERNELED MENACE IS UNRELENTING!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH INSTEAD OF A CAT THEY WILL PROBABLY TRY IT WITH A MOOSE OR A CHIHUAHUA NEXT TIME!!!!!!!!!!

5. RONALDO'S LAST MATCH -- THIS IS NOT HOW I WANT MY LAST MATCH TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE ALREADY PUT IN A REQUEST TO BE ALLOWED TO USE A FLAMETHROWER DURING MY LAST MATCH FOR THE POLISH NATIONAL TEAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I HOPE IT GETS APPROVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6. YOU -- I LIKE YOU SO MUCH THAT IT'S MAKING ME FEEL WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP MAKING ME FEEL WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7. MEXICAN PLAYERS EATING TAINTED CHICKEN -- AHHHHHHHHHHH WHERE CAN I GET SOME OF THIS CHICKEN!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

8. MANUEL NEUER DRESSED AS A SEA CAPTAIN -- HOW COME WHEN I DO THIS EVERYONE LOOKS AT ME LIKE A FREAK BUT WHEN NEUER DOES IT IT'S OK?!?!???!??!?!!? MAYBE IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT PATCHES OF MY HAIR ARE RIPPED OUT OF MY HEAD AND MY ARM IS USUALLY ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T KNOW WHY THAT ALWAYS HAPPENS BUT I'M NOT COMPLAINING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI -- SO I WAS EATING DINNER AT A LOCAL RESTAURANT ALONE BECAUSE I LIKE TO DO THAT SOMETIMES AND NOT BECAUSE I'M LONELY SO STOP ASKING ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!! ON MONDAY NIGHT WHEN MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI INTERRUPTED MY ATTEMPT TO BITE THROUGH A METAL SPOON JUST TO SAY HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHEN I DIDN'T RESPOND HE SAID IT AGAIN CLEARLY WAITING FOR ME TO ACKNOWLEDGE HIS STUPID EXISTENCE!!!!!!!!! I SAID "HELLO DAN HOW ARE YOU DOING??!??!?!?!" BUT I SAID IT IN A WAY SO HE WOULD KNOW THAT I LIVE RIGHT NEXT TO HIM AND SEE HIM ALL THE TIME SO I DON'T FEEL THE NEED TO SAY HELLO TO HIM WHEN I'M TRYING TO DESTROY A SPOON THAT DOES NOT BELONG TO ME USING ONLY MY TEETH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE THEN SAID THAT HE HOPED I WAS ENJOYING MY MEAL AND THAT HE WOULD S! EE ME LA TER AND I TOLD HIM THAT HE DEFINITELY WOULD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH I HOPE HE SEES ME WHEN I PUNCH HIS GARDEN UNTIL IT GROWS SUNFLOWERS!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!

Photo: ArturBoruc.com