Soccer Sorcery

Drawn like a moth to the giant neon pound sign that floats above Loftus Road, smiling West Brom striker Peter Odemwingie turned up at QPR's door three and a half hours before the January transfer window shut. The problem here was that Odemwingie had not been sold to QPR nor had West Brom given him permission to speak to other clubs, let alone go for a visit. Odemwingie had already upset his club the weekend before by going on a Twitter diatribe in which he made it excruciatingly clear that he wanted a move to QPR. He ended up deleting some of the tweets, yet one message that survived proved to foreshadow what was to come... I am crazy haha adviser text saying don't tweet, it weakens our position. Doesn't weaken nothing ! When I want to do something, I Do it. Peter Odemwingie (@OdemwingieP) January 26, 2013 With that in mind, optimistic Peter drove down to London to try and force through the move, presumably with the front end of his car. When he pulled up in the parking lo

Transfer deadline day is always an exciting time, especially for the hordes of unsupervised children young and old who loiter outside football stadiums to get in the background of a Sky Sports News live report. With a little more than an hour to go before the deadline hit, the arousal of potential transfers proved all too much for two people outside Norwich's Carrow Road as SSN's Kate Riley gave a vital update on how nothing was happening there. So they did some clothed humping against the gate behind her. The over the shoulder smile the humper gives the camera as he's doing the deed is what makes this TV magic. As always, it's highbrow stuff here on deadline day. UPDATE: As Sean Leahy points out, it appears the guy getting humped is wearing a Leeds 2011/12 away shirt. So perhaps this was a bit of performance art related to Norwich getting Luciano Becchio from Leeds earlier in the day?

Newcastle Utd now have 14 French-speaking players in their squad, and by the time you have finished this sentence, they probably will have signed six more. Geordie fans made the Magpies' new Gallic contingent feel welcome during their recent victory over Aston Villa, and now the club staff have followed suit with some French-themed hospitality. Sammy Ameobi tweeted the above picture of the club cafeteria, which has been decorated with more Tricolore flags than Jean Girard's house on Bastille Day. The Catering staff also gave the menu a French twist... Today's menu at Training Ground: soupe a l'oignon, canard, coquille saint jacques, selection de fromages. c'est trop bon! #nufc Newcastle United FC (@NUFCOfficial) January 31, 2013 The non-French players, however, haven't been quite so welcoming. Ameobi also tweeted news that there was a France vs The Rest of the World match in training on Thursday morning, which the French lost 5-0. The temptation to make a &

Wednesday's King's Cup tie between Barcelona and Real Madrid was typically frenzied , with tempers fraying enough for Lionel Messi to take his grievances out into the parking lot after the game. Spanish newspaper Marca are among those reporting an alleged incident between the normally-even-tempered Argentinean and Alvaro Arbeloa. The four-time Ballon d'Or winner supposedly confronted the Spanish star in front of his pregnant wife and daughter, and dished out a whole host of insults before being led away by a Barcelona employee. Insidespanishfootball.com have more detail: Messi confronted Arbeloa, who was with his wife and daughter in their car, and had several heated words for the Spanish international before the Argentine was led away by a Barcelona employee. Arbeloa and Messi had several exchanges throughout the match, with both covering their mouths to hide their words from the cameras. Messi's anger appeared to stem from an incident in the game during which he was

In the midst of the chaos of transfer deadline day, you might not think that a club already oozing high-priced talent signing a 37-year-old midfielder warrant much more than a passing mention. But when that 37-year-old midfielder is David Beckham and that club is Paris Saint-Germain, the news becomes the biggest spectacle of the day. In a press conference scheduled for maximum exposure and broadcast live on the internet in the final hours of the January transfer window, Beckham was unveiled in Paris two days after training with Arsenal to work on his fitness (and pose for some pictures). But before you can wonder whether this was all for show and a carefully plotted marketing scheme since Beckham has been without a club since leaving the LA Galaxy after winning his second straight MLS Cup in December and PSG have been interested in him since 2011, Beckham announced he would make the ultimate gesture by donating all of his wages for the duration of his brief five-month contract to a Pa

A match between Brazilian Serie B clubs Chapecoense and Criciuma was stopped for half an hour after it collapsed on top of Criciuma defender Fabio Ferreira. In the second half, Chapecoense's Rodrigo Gral had a clear shot on goal but the keeper blocked it with his legs. On the rebound, Gral headed it towards the post and Ferreira swooped in to make an off-balance goal-line clearance before falling into the net. And when he did so, the posts popped out and fell back on top of him. According to Globo, it took a half an hour for the goal to be replaced so the match could resume. Though the incident could have been avoided when he noticed that the post came loose shortly after halftime. Chapecoense ended up winning 1-0 thanks to a goal scored before everything started falling apart.

A joyous moment quickly became scary after Elano scored an important equalizer for Gremio in the second leg of their Copa Libertadores first-stage tie against LDU Quito. Gremio lost the first leg 1-0, so when they finally scored in the 61st minute of the second leg to pull even with a tremendous goal from Elano (video below), the fans in that end of the stadium did their signature "avalanche" celebration where they all rush forward. If that sounds like a dangerous move, especially in light of the numerous stadium disasters around the world that have resulted many, many deaths by crushing, this incident proved those fears to be justifiable. The avalanche caused a railing at the bottom of the stand to break, sending fans tumbling down onto pitch. Thankfully, no one was seriously hurt, but at least eight fans received medical treatment and two women were taken by ambulance to the emergency room according to Globo . Gremio players told fans to get back as emergency personnel tend

The first leg of the Copa del Rey semifinal between Real Madrid and Barcelona was as cranky as you would expect from a Clasico. There were six yellow cards in all, but with Barca up 1-0 in the second half, Carles Puyol tried to keep it from boiling over. After Gerard Pique did a tremendous job with a sliding clearance to prevent a scoring chance for Cristiano Ronaldo at the post, he came up with a lighter thrown from the Bernabeu crowd. Pique held it out and was about to show the referee, but Puyol grabbed it from him, tossed it aside and told Pique to get in position for the ensuing corner kick. Either he wanted Pique to stay focused on the match and not on trying to get others in trouble or he just didn't trust him holding a lighter around his hair. Real Madrid went on to score in the 81st minute with a header from 19-year-old defender and Man of the Match Raphael Varane.

Mario Balotelli arrived in Milan with his new club's vice president Adriano Galliani after completing his 20 million move from Man City. Everyone was so excited to have him back in the city that they presented him with his new shirt and conducted his first interview before he could even get inside the airport. Said Mario in his tarmac interview (via Football Italia ): As soon as I got the chance, I ran to Milan, he told Milan Channel ahead of his medical in Busto Arsizio. I had wanted to play here for a long time, but was at other clubs, so I didn't have the opportunity. Papers talked, but I knew I'd play for Milan eventually. The start of this season was negative, but with this jersey I will do better. I made some important choices, so I hope they can make Milan great and make me great too. I just want the fans to love me and for me to repay that love... Before Balotelli, who scored only once in 14 Premier League appearances this season, touched down in Italy, La Gazzetta

Just after halftime in ADO Den Haag's 2-2 draw against Roda JC, Sanharib Malki and Mike van Duinen got their laces tangled while going for a 50-50 ball. When they didn't immediately detach from each other, Malki tried to shake Van Duinen off, causing the ADO goal scorer to fall over. The referee spotted this and showed Malki a straight red. This could be the birth of the next iteration of the game, where each player has the laces of one boot tied to those of an opponent for the entirety of a match. Ankle doping will be rampant. This has been the Dirty Tackle of the Day: a chronicling of unfortunate events.

With the addition of five more French players this month, Newcastle now have 14 French speakers in the squad . It's become a joke amongst Premier League fans and a bit of a concern within the club that their penchant for gathering talent from Ligue 1 will cause a divide from the few English speakers on the team. But Newcastle supporters decided to welcome the French as best they could while showing their deep understanding of their rich culture by wearing costumes and waving French flags during Tuesday's 2-1 win against Aston Villa. A few supporters wore berets, neckerchiefs and striped shirts with peace signs on the chest, while others brought French flags with the few French words they know ("le" and "oui") scrawled on them. Another man wore the flag as a cape and paired it with a garlic necklace. And if this French revolution backfires, stale baguettes will rain down on the pitch at St. James' Park just as the prophecies foretold.

AZ Alkmaar's dominant performance at Den Bosch in the quarterfinals of the Dutch Cup was marred by racist chants at American striker Jozy Altidore, prompting officials to momentarily stop play. Down 4-0 and with two Den Bosch players were shown straight red cards within the first hour of play, the home fans were feeling nasty and reportedly aimed monkey chants at AZ's Altidore and threw bottles . The 23-year-old had scored his career-high 20th goal of the season by converting a penalty in the 39th minute and when the referee ordered both teams off the pitch in the second half, he yelled for them to play on. Former U.S. national team midfielder and current AZ Alkmaar director of football Ernie Stewart was at the match and expressed his disappointment in the incident to the press. The suspension of play only lasted a few minutes though, and when the match resumed, AZ added a fifth goal.

David Beckham is training with Arsenal as he aims to stay fit during his search for a new club. According to Arsene Wenger, Beckham was the one who called him up to ask if he could train with the team, as he did with Spurs in 2011 , and it would seem his arrival came as a pleasant surprise to some members of the Arsenal squad. Namely Lukas Podolski. "David, can you sign this picture: 'To my friend Lukas, you're really good at thumbs up'?" "Sorry, can I just get in this one too? My thumb didn't look right in the last picture. Jack, don't do the thumb. That's my thing. You're ruining my thing!" "David. Hey David, wait up! Don't say anything until I get there. Per, run faster or move! You're a human traffic jam!" "He hasn't moved at all in an hour. He's the best." "Why is he making Cazorla laugh? I am so much better at laughing than him!" "It's like the ball is stuck to his feet. I need

With five minutes left to play, Atlante were losing their weekend Liga MX tie with Jaguares 3-2, having led the match 2-0. Somehow, the Cancun side mustered up two goals in the dying minutes and won the game 4-2. The thrilling close to the match was marred by a gruesome injury to Atlante winger Jose 'Gringo' Castro. Attempting to put a cross into the box, Gringo ended up kicking defender Omar Flors' knee, snapping his own leg in the process. Clearly, Flors has the strongest kneecap in the world. According to the Mexican press, Castro had surgery the next day and is expected to be out for three to four months. Video: 101GG This has been the Dirty Tackle of the Day: a chronicling of unfortunate events.

Winter is a hellish time when even driving your car can be an experience worse than waterboarding. So like so many others this time of year, Paul Scholes started his car in his driveway on Monday morning and went back inside his house to keep warm while it defrosted. But according to the Manchester Evening News, when he went back outside to check on it, the car was gone as "frostjackers" had made easy work of swiping it. From the MEN : A Greater Manchester Police spokesman said: Police are investigating after a car was stolen while the owner was defrosting the vehicle. The grey Chevrolet estate was stolen from the drive of a house in the Greenfield area of Oldham between 7.45am and 8am on Monday. Inquiries to locate the car are ongoing. [...] The police spokesman added: Motorists may be tempted to leave their vehicle with the engine running while they go inside to stay in the warm however, it only takes a few seconds to steal a car when keys have been left in the ignition. T

Mario Balotelli had to know that having his Bentley customized with a camouflage paint scheme would actually make it stand out even more than a Bentley already would, but I doubt he anticipated that it would attract public urinators. On Sunday night, as Balotelli dined in Manchester at an Indian restaurant with friends while rumors swirled of an impending transfer to Milan, a group of Man United fans found his distinctive car (parked on the sidewalk, of course) and had their way with it. One man urinated on the door, while another pulled down his pants, got on top of the car and rubbed his bare backside on the rear window. According to The Sun a witness said that one of them sang Man United songs as they did it. But within hours of the pictures spreading across Twitter on Monday, the urinator was identified, reported to the Greater Manchester Police, mocked for the size of his genitalia by thousands of people around the world and deleted his account in disgrace. So I don't think M

Portuguese midfielder Ricardo Fernandes produced a goal of the year contender in a Cypriot First Division match between Doxa and Alki. The 34-year-old made the most of a cross into the box that was just behind him by backheeling it with a mini scorpion kick to float a perfect shot just inside the far post. Fernandes himself even seemed a bit shocked that it actually worked, but with that goal, Doxa made the score 1-1 just before halftime in a match that eventually ended in a 2-2 draw. Regardless of that result though, Ricardo Fernandes is the winner here. Thanks to Haris for the tip!

Last week, baffling Chelsea manager Rafa Benitez called full-time antagonist Marco Materazzi a liar nine times in a span of 30 seconds during his press conference. This was a reaction to Materazzi quotes published in France Football about how much he doesn't like Benitez from their short time at Inter together, how Benitez has written rules "like the highway code" and Benitez took down pictures of Inter's old manager -- including treble winner Jose Mourinho -- at the club's training complex. And since the world demands more of these two making themselves look childish and petty, Gazzetta TV asked Materazzi for his response to Benitez's response. It did not disappoint. From Gazza Offside (which, sadly, is not hosted by Paul Gascoigne) with translation by the Daily Mail : 'So I'm a liar? He's thin then, so that gives reason to call me a liar,' quipped the former Everton man. 'It pains me to say good luck to Chelsea but I will anyway, I feel

Chievo Verona beat Lazio 1-0 on Saturday and as if allowing the match's only goal wasn't bad enough, Lazio keeper Federico Marchetti also suffered the indignity of breaking his own net. Chievo's Alberto Peloschi, who scored in the 61st minute, blasted a volley from considerable distance that looked to be on target as it floated towards goal. Marchetti ran back to his line, keeping his eyes on the ball the whole time. Though this allowed him to see it fly over the crossbar, it prevented him from realizing just how close to the goal mouth he was, causing him to stumble into the net and tear it down on top of himself. To paraphrase a wiser man than myself, sometimes you eat the net and sometimes the net, why, he eats you.

With a 2-1 win against Angola, Cape Verde produced the highlight of the Africa Cup of Nations so far by advancing to the quarterfinals. It was their first ever win in the tournament (after opening with two draws) as this is also the first time they've qualified for it. Their manager, Lucio Antunes, who is an air traffic controller when he's not shocking the world, ran around the pitch with the archipelago's flag after the final whistle (pictured below) and broke into song during his post-match press conference. Antunes was eventually joined by his whole team on the podium, singing and dancing and generally showing how much joy football can bring to a nation of 600,000 people. If you didn't have a rooting interest in the tournament before, you do now.

Diergaarde Blijdorp, a zoo in Rotterdam, is Feyenoord's new shirt sponsor and to mark the new partnership, they produced an ad starring Netherlands great and current Feyenoord assistant manager Gio van Bronckhorst. Set to club anthem "You'll Never Walk Alone," the story begins with a young Gio getting a stuffed elephant at the zoo. The pair becomeinseparable until there is a horrific footballing accident one fateful day. The tale has a happy ending though, with a grown van Bronckhorst and stuffed elephant reuniting and enjoying a series of delightful activities. It's worth watching.

While 21-year-old striker Nile Ranger hasn't been playing much for French Premier League club Newcastle, he has apparently been spending his time quite poorly. Following the Magpies latest home loss to Reading last weekend, Ranger scolded booing fans through his Twitter account . "Certain fans need to not come and support this team... Coming out to BOOO us.. Stay at home.. Don't need ur BOO's.... SAY NO MORE !!!!" he said. Then added: "Last thing from me... To all the fans. U are not forced to buy season tickets.. Or pay our wages.. Please remember that..." When fans replied to defend their right to boo the underperforming side, Ranger eventually apologized four days later, on Wednesday, saying, "Fans am sorry 4 what I said!was just a bit upset you were booing the lads. But as it says in the bible 'you should forgive thy neighbour'." On Thursday, Ranger shared a picture through his Instagram account of his own last named spelled out in

Gareth Bale has been diving for all the right reasons in training this week, as he took a turn playing as goalkeeper. The 23-year-old Welshman was on the receiving end of a well-struck penalty from youth keeper Jonathan Miles, and as you can see, he pulled off a brilliant save. Bale tweeted out the video to his followers with the message: If our goalkeepers get injured, I think I'm ready to step in #moveoverhugo Somewhere at Spurs' Enfield training ground, Brad Friedel wept, wondering why Bale didn't include a #moveoverbrad hashtag. Nobody heard him though. Also in Gareth Bale being good at lots of different things: Gareth Bale mimics Tiger Woods ridiculous golf skills on the driving range

Barcelona fought off a pesky Malaga side in the Copa Del Rey quarterfinals, taking the second leg by a score of 4-2 to win 6-4 on aggregate. The second leg included eight yellow cards, but none of those eight bookings were for the moment in the second half when Malaga defender Weligton did a Riverdance on Cesc Fabregas' knee. Cesc slipped and fell behind Weligton, who was already on a yellow from the first half, while going after the ball when the Malaga keeper bobbled a shot from Lionel Messi. Weligton then stumbled backwards right onto Fabregas' leg. Though it was likely just an accident, this could have also been some kind of extra cosmic payback for the dive that got Cesc booked for simulation just before halftime. This has been the Dirty Tackle of the Day: a chronicling of unfortunate events.

By now everyone has had their chance to do some overwrought moralizing on the Eden Hazard/ball boy fiasco , but the inevitable video from Next Media Animation has arrived and it is rather good. From the representation of the ball boy as a clam containing the ball to the return of the pooping Twitter birds (that were last seen hovering over Ryan Giggs ) and a surprise cameo from a rotund, fair-haired Frank Lampard, NMA really covered it all in the way that history should remember this incident. Previous NMAtv brilliance: Ashley Cole makes a kid's stomach explode , Mario Balotelli in Grand Theft Auto V , Ryan Giggs getting pooped on by Twitter birds , Aaron Ramsey killing famous people with footballs , and Ashley Young diving

Call Zidane's sister a whore and he'll headbutt you during the World Cup final, call him a whore and he'll take you to court. In 2011, French humorist Christophe Aleveque wrote in SportMag of Zidane: This guy is a advertising board with three braincells who cashes in on his image to an excessive degree. It is a form of prostitution. This guy is a whore. Aleveque also added that Zidane is "as thick as a dick." Zidane's first attempt at a defamation lawsuit was dismissed, but he's appealing, this time seeking just one euro in damages. From SAPA-AFP : Zidane, 40, told the appeal hearing the comments were gratuitous and hurtful to himself, his wife, children and parents. It is just not possible, he told the court in a barely audible voice. [...] Zidane is seeking a symbolic euro in damages, having dropped his initial demand for 75 000 euros ($100 000) damages to be paid to a charity of his choice. The judge for this case: Marco Materazzi.

OK, that's it. I apologized yesterday because everyone was freaking out and making me wonder if I really did kick you, but now I'm taking it back. First of all, I did actually kick the ball a.k.a. the inanimate object you developed an emotional attachment to and then tried to hump. So that bit where you held your ribs and winced and called for the ref to alert him to your internal bleeding and death throes after I popped it out from your perverse assault looked about as stupid as your face. Secondly, let's clear up a matter of semantics. Everyone keeps calling you a ball "boy," yet you're 17. I have brothers younger than you. And I promise you I have done far, far worse things to them without our parents even looking up from their waffles (which we eat all the time because we're Belgian). So, you're not a boy, but you're obviously not an adult either. Let's just call you a "ball bag," since you clearly wanted that ball inside you, and

Being the worst team in Britain can't be much fun, but the youngsters of Huncoat Utd have finally been given something to smile about. The Lancashire-based U-15 side have won their first ever match, after five years of trying and over 100 attempts. The elusive three points finally came in a 2-0 victory over league rivals Brierfield Celtic, who must be absolutely terrible. The Lancashire Telegraph reports: During that long wait for a win, Huncoat have conceded an incredible 933 goals and have scored just 51. But despite the unwanted record, manager Paul Chadwick, who has been with the team throughout, said he wouldnt swap his players for anyone. We might be the worse team in Britain but we are the happiest, said Paul, who set up the team so he sons Joshua and Jordan could play football. During their insipid existence, Huncoat Utd have lost have lost a game 25-0, and have been on the receiving end of several 20 and 22-goal batterings. It took them four years to earn their first draw

Jos Fernndez had been only been a Real Zaragoza player for six days when his new side faced Sevilla in the Copa del Rey on Wednesday evening. Just 26 minutes into his King's Cup debut as a Zaragocista , the defender flew studs-up into an aerial challenge Jose Antonio Reyes, appearing to hit the former Arsenal winger quite violently with his knee. The 23-year-old earned a straight red card for his troubles. Fernndez has already played a league game for Zaragoza, and he didn't score an own goal, so thankfully he didn't go full Jonathan Woodgate . To paraphrase Kirk Lazarus, you never go full Jonathan Woodgate . Forty minutes after the flying kick, midfielder Fran Gonzalez was also sent off, and nine-man Zaragoza completely capitulated in a 4-0 defeat that led Sevilla to the Copa del Rey semi-finals. This has been the Dirty Tackle of the Day: a chronicling of unfortunate events.

Didier Zokora Yep. ... I am Maestro. ... From now on, if anyone wants to talk to me, they'll have to address me as "Maestro." ... "Hey Maestro, do you want a glass of water?" .... "Maestro, come help us with this 2,500-piece jigsaw puzzle." ... "Wow, is this really your recipe for peach cobbler, Maestro?" ... This is so great. ... Although, it is still a little upsetting that they wouldn't let me put "Dr. Tetris" on the back of my shirt like I originally wanted. ... But whatever. ... Maestro is still pretty cool too, I guess... Gerard Pique I can't believe I'm a dad now. ... I also can't believe that the birthing process was less bloody than me on a normal day of living. ... I hope that time they sprayed magic spray directly into my mouth doesn't make the baby weird. ... Maybe "Milan" wasn't the best name to give our son. ... Maybe we should have called him something more awesome like "Maestro&

Tunisia broke the scoreless deadlock in added time of their Africa Cup of Nations match against Algeria with a goal from Youssef M'Sakni. This was obviously an exciting moment as Tunisia were all but guaranteed a 1-0 win in a tournament where six of the first eight matches ended draws. It was apparently a bit too exciting for two fans in the front row, who fell out of the stands just as the camera cut to them during the celebration. Both were reportedly fine after their trip.

After prolonged negotiations that nearly drove Arsene Wenger to start snacking on cyanide capsules, Theo Walcott finally signed a new contract with Arsenal paying him about 100,000 a week over the next three and a half years. So after scoring Arsenal's fourth goal in their 5-1 win against West Ham on Wednesday, Walcott and teammate Lu-Lu-Lu Lukas Podolski celebrated by capturing the imaginations of football fans everywhere and pretending to sign invisible contracts. This is a thing now. There is no turning back.

With Swansea up 2-0 on aggregate, Chelsea's Eden Hazard was sent off in the 80th minute of the second leg of their Capital One Cup semifinal for attempting to kick the ball free from underneath a Swansea ball boy who had flopped on top of it in a bid to waste time ( gif here ). Facing elimination and little time left to make up the deficit, Hazard was eager to retrieve the ball quickly from the ball boy and carry on the with the match. But the 17-year-old ball boy had other ideas, and tried to deliberately keep Hazard from getting to it by falling on top of the ball. So, after a bit of a struggle, Hazard tried to kick the ball free, prompting the teenager to finally roll off it. The ball boy carried on his embellishment, holding his midsection as he was escorted down the tunnel before Hazard was shown a straight red for the kick. The ball boy showed an obvious lack of sportsmanship with his initial flop, but Hazard probably should have pointed it out to the ref instead of opening h

Peru defender Max Barrios has been removed from the squad currently in the final stage of the U-20 South American Championship after the Ecuadorian Football Federation (FEF) has alleged that he is actually a 25-year-old Ecuadorian named Lennay Kakua Juan Espinosa. The false identity was first discovered by Ecuadorian member of parliament and former journalist Rolando Panchana, who brought his findings to the attention of the FEF. Says Panchana (via La Republica ): "Professional footballer Juan Carlos Espinosa Mercado , who has played on multiple teams in Ecuador like Liga de Loja, Deportivo Cuenca and Canar Municipal , has been registered in the FEF since 2004, and is a left midfielder. He d isappears in 2012 and appears in Peru calling himself Max Barrios , who plays for the Under 20." The FEF has asked CONMEBOL to investigate the case. Meanwhile, Peru are in the final stage of the tournament after finishing atop Group B, ahead of second-place Uruguay and last-place Brazi

League Two club Bradford City beating Aston Villa 4-3 on aggregate in the Capital One Cup semifinals to become the first fourth division club to play in a major cup final since 1962 was a memorable enough moment. Bradford captain Gary Jones made it a bit more memorable for 9-year-old fan and brain tumor survivor Jake Turton though, when he found Turton in the crowd at Villa Park after the final whistle of the second leg and planted a kiss on his head. Bradford had an incredibly difficult path to Wembley, having to beat three Premier League clubs in Wigan, Arsenal and finally Aston Villa. Yet that is absolutelyincomparableto what Jake has had to endure over the last three years. From the Daily Mail : Jake was diagnosed with the tumour three years ago after it had spread to his spine. He had brain surgery, was in a coma for 10 weeks and had to endure months of chemotherapy before being given the all-clear. He has had to learn to walk and talk again and his favourite club are giving him

It was only a matter of time before one of the Beckham children became a good footballer or a bad singer, and 13-year-old Brooklyn appears to be following in his father's footsteps. David Beckham's eldest son had a trial at Chelsea's Cobham training ground on Tuesday, playing in an U-14s fixture. Beckham Snr was also confirmed to be in attendance by a photograph of him wearing his Victorian chimney sweep hat with another Chelsea youth player. The Guardian reports: [Beckham's] attendance for the Under-14 fixture at the home of the Champions League winners will undoubtedly lead to speculation Brooklyn is in line to follow in his father's footsteps to play football at the highest level. Brooklyn is already a member of the LA Galaxy U-14 squad (he is a striker, he wears number 23 and he's the only player that does not need a bio ) but his new affiliation with Chelsea is another important stepping stone into an adult life of permanently being compared to his father

Referees often get accused of being out to get one team or another, but rarely do they resort to tackling the players. During a friendly between Zenit and Shakhtar Donetsk, Zenit's Viktor Fayzulin was trying to get around a defender just as the ref slipped into his path. It's hard to tell whether Fayzulin was tripped up by the feet of the downed official or the grappling defender or both. The referee did blow the whistle after this incident, but unfortunately he did not show himself a yellow card. This has been the Dirty Tackle of the Day: a chronicling of unfortunate events. Video via @James_Dart

Things aren't going so hot for Jose Mourinho at Real Madrid this season, but that doesn't mean his genius isn't still in high demand. In the last few days, Mourinho's influence has been reportedly felt in several places that are not Madrid. Here's a roundup. Report: Roman Abramovich has been using Mourinho as an "unofficial consultant" via text messages and phone calls to pave the way for a return to Chelsea. Source: The Daily Star (which has a slightly worse fact-check record than The Onion) Sample advice: "Yeah, you should totally hire Rafa Benitez so I look even better if I come back. Also, make Torres cut his hair just to prove he can do something. :p" Report: Wesley Sneijder called Mourinho and Louis van Gaal and they both told him to sign for Galatasaray. Which he then did. Source: Wesley Sneijder Sample advice: "You should sign for a club that doesn't have Rafa Benitez as manager. Like Galatasaray. Also, their fans always g

By holding off Aston Villa for a 4-3 aggregate win in the Capital One Cup semifinals, League Two side Bradford City will be the first club from the fourth tier of English football to play in a cup final since Rochdale in 1962. Bradford beat a Championship side (Watford) and three Premier League clubs (Wigan, Arsenal and Aston Villa) on their improbable way to also becoming the only fourth division club to play a major final at Wembley. Now the winners of the 1911 FA Cup will have the chance to add a League Cup to their trophy cabinet and will take a place in the Europa League if they do. And if all of that has yet to sink in, now you know how Bradford City feel. Bradford captain Gary Jones was in tears after the final whistle blew at Villa Park ( video here ), but eventually those tears of joy led to taking his shirt off and eating his armband. As horrible as this season has been Villa, the home fans were still stunned to go out to a club four divisions below them. Especially since the

Prince Harry has finished his second tour of duty in Afghanistan, but before going home to play naked billiards and flirt with Pippa Middleton, he gave a few interviews and showed the press around Camp Bastion (video below). He also revealed himself to be the army's most dominant weapon in FIFA 13. From the Daily Mail : He said: 'You can ask the guys: I thrash them at Fifa the whole time.' In an interview conducted before he flew home to the UK from his deployment as an Apache helicopter co-pilot gunner (CPG), the 28-year-old revealed how he and his friends in 662 Squadron based in Camp Bastion played computer games and ate pizza when they had time off. [...] Showing appealing modesty about his obvious skills as a pilot, the Prince said his skills at sports and games helped pave the way for him to become a top pilot. He said: 'Exams were always a nightmare, but anything like kicking a ball around or playing PlayStation - or flying - I do generally find a little bit easi

There are three unwritten rules for football journalists at post-match press conferences: don't use the words "wheeler" or "dealer" around Harry Redknapp , never look Roy Keane directly in the eye, and don't forget to put your phone on flight mode if you are using it as a dictaphone. Forget the first rule and the press conference is over. Forget the second rule and your life is over. Forget the third rule and you run the risk of Neil Lennon getting up to high jinx with your significant other. The Celtic boss showed his humorous side in a recent presser, choosing to take David Beckham's mobile phone schtick to another level by actually picking up the calls. "You're not going out tonight, Michael," he says to the journalist whose partner he just pissed off. Not all managers take mobile phone interruptions quite so graciously. The aforementioned Roy Keane, for example...

Manchester United defender Phil Jones is confident the Premier League leaders can recover quickly from their weekend setback. United were stung on Sunday as they conceded an injury-time equaliser at Tottenham. But Sir Alex Ferguson's men remain five points clear at the top of the table and have not been beaten in the Premier League since November. Jones said: "Confidence is high but we know we still have to produce and do our job every time we step out on the pitch. "As long as we're focused on what we've got to do and on our game-plan hopefully we'll be okay." United have 15 games remaining and Jones believes the team know what to do to retain their edge over rivals and reigning champions Manchester City. The 20-year-old said: "The Christmas period is always tough with a lot of games in a short space of time, but now we're getting towards the nitty-gritty part of the season. "It's the time when you need

Lost in the excitement of Bayern Munich naming Pep Guardiola their new manager starting next season is the fact that Jupp Heynckes is still the manager of the first-place club vying for three trophies this season. And Heynckes understandably has a bit of a problem with Bayern making the Guardiola announcement just before resuming the season after Germany's long winter break. From ESPN : "It would have been better to do this in the winter break," Heynckes told Sky . "Before Christmas, before the holidays. This is due to the media hype that might interfere with the normal working day." Following Bayern's 2-0 win over Greuther Furth on Saturday, Heynckes was forced to respond to claims that he doesn't have enough control over his side. "I am the boss," he said. "Anyone who knows me knows I am the boss here. I have been the boss everywhere, no matter where I have worked." The press then asked if that means Pep Guardiola is the "boss

The FA has asked Alex Ferguson to explain his negative comments about linesman Simon Beck after Manchester United's 1-1 draw against Tottenham on Sunday. Ferguson said Beck " had a shocking game " and was particularly upset with his failure to flag for a penalty when Wayne Rooney appeared to be tripped in the second half. According to the PA, Ferguson also brought up an incident in 2010 when Beck didn't disallow an offside goal from Didier Drogba against Man United, saying "There was no way we were going to get a decision from [Beck]." If The FA decides that Ferguson questioned Beck's integrity, he will be charged with misconduct and punished with a touchline ban or fine. The following is Sir Alex's response to The FA's request. Esteemed gentlemen of The FA, I have received your request for clarification on my comments about Simon Beck after our match against Spurs on Sunday. I must say that I am quite upset that what I said requires any explana

(Warning: There's some NSFW language sprinkled in the video.) Even after sacking wildly unpopular manager Steve Kean, Blackburn's fall from the Premier League to 14th in the Championship has ensured that the club's owners remain thoroughly despised by the fans. This sentiment was on full display when the Venky's executives pulled up in their chauffeured Rolls Royces for Saturday's 2-1 loss to Charlton at Ewood Park. The rows of fans stuffed behind a metal barrier jeered and chanted their disdain for the poultry magnates, but the day's snowfall offered another means of expressing their disapproval. The husband of Venky's chairperson Anuradha Desai was hit in the side of the head with a well-placed snowball as they walked into the stadium. Mr. Desai can take solace in the fact that the next day, Spurs fans made it rain snowballs on Patrice Evra while he attempted a throw-in ( gif here ).

After scoring eight goals in seven matches to quiet his critics and joke writers a bit, Euro 2012 Golden Boot winner Fernando Torres has now gone seven straight matches without scoring -- his longest goal drought of the season. Torres has been mostly invisible over that span, which coincides with the arrival of Demba Ba, who has scored three goals in his first five matches with Chelsea. As Chelsea run hot and cold under unwanted interim manager Rafa Benitez, fans are once again growing impatient with Torres' all or nothing streaks. Following Sunday's 2-1 win against Arsenal, Benitez -- normally a big fan of facts -- once again lashed out against Torres' critics and their stats. From the Telegraph : "Fernando was doing a great job," he said. "Afterwards, Demba gave us something we didn't have before. "These people who like to quote stats and stats, they don't have any clue about what is going on. "When you have one striker for a month and a