Artur Boruc's Friday Rage List

AHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:

1. THIS BALL - IT IS THE COLOR OF THE DEMON VEGGIE!!!!!!!! I WILL HURL IT INTO ANOTHER UNIVERSE SO SPACE CREATURES FROM WHATEVER PLANET MILEY CYRUS IS FROM WILL BE FORCED TO DEAL WITH THE HORRORS IT CONTAINS!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH I AM JUST REALIZING THAT MY ARM ISN'T STRONG ENOUGH TO EVEN THROW IT OUT OF THE EARTH'S ATMOSPHERE!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS UNSETTLING!!!!!!!!

2. RICHARD KEYS AND ANDY GRAY -- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!?!?!! IF I WAS A WOMAN AND YOU MADE THOSE COMMENTS ABOUT ME I WOULD BEAT YOU WITH A BABY!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH EVEN THOUGH I'M NOT A WOMAN I WOULD STILL LIKE TO DO THAT BUT NO ONE GIVES ME THEIR BABIES ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!

3. KEVIN MUSCAT'S AWFUL TACKLE -- THIS IS SICKENING!!!!!!!!! COMPLETELY SICKENING!!!!!!!!!!!! I VOLUNTEER TO HEADBUTT KEVIN MUSCAT UNTIL HE REALIZES HOW IT FEELS TO HAVE SOMEONE DISREGARD YOUR SAFETY!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LIKE TO HEADBUTT THINGS!!!!!!!!! ESPECIALLY MANATEES!!!!!!!

4. CORN -- I WENT TO A FRIEND'S HOUSE FOR DINNER!!!!!!!!! THEY DIDN'T SERVE CORN BUT THEY SAID THAT THEY ALMOST DID BEFORE THEY REMEMBER mY UNFLINCHING HATRED OF THAT EVIL GRAIN!!!!!!!!!!! THEY THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY BUT I FLIPPED THE TABLE AND PUNCHED THEIR OVEN!!!!!!!!! THE CORN HAS BRAINWASHED THEM INTO THINKING IT IS A SUITABLE SIDE DISH FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT ON TO ITS CONSPIRACY!!!!!!!!!!!! BEFORE I JUMPED OUT OF THEIR KITCHEN WINDOW I SAID I WOULD NEVER TALK TO THEM AGAIN UNLESS I REALLY NEEDED PEOPLE TO GO BOWLING WITH ME!!!!!!!! !!!!

5. INJURED PLAYER GETS BUTT IN THE FACE -- I BLACKED OUT AND HAD A NIGHTMARE ABOUT THIS YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!!!! IF ANYONE PUTS THEIR BACKSIDE EVEN REMOTELY CLOSE TO MY FACE I LASH OUT VIOLENTLY AND SCREAM LIKE A CHILD!!!!!!! IT MAKES PLAYING TWISTER SO MUCH MORE FUN!!!!!!!!!

6. RONALDINHO SCORING FROM BEHIND THE GOAL -- AS A KEEPER THIS IS HORRIFYING!!!!!!!!!! WHY DOES HE DO THIS TO US???!?!?!??!! RONALDINHO IS LIKE FREDDY KRUGER FOR GOALKEEPERS!!!!!!!!!

7. MESSI FINED FOR SHIRT MESSAGE TO HIS MOTHER -- WHAT KIND OF HEARTLESS BONERS ARE BEHIND THIS?!?!?!??!?! I DON'T CARE WHAT THE RULES SAY WISHING YOUR MOTHER A HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHOULD NEVER BE SEEN AS A BAD THING!!!!!!!!! THE SAME GOES FOR USING CURSE WORDS TO WARN PEOPLE ABOUT THE CORN AND THREATENING PHYSICAL VIOLENCE AGAINST PEOPLE WHO ARE MEAN!!!!!!!!!!

8. INDOOR SHOT HITS KID IN THE HEAD -- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS ONE OF THE FUNNIEST THINGS I HAVE EVER SEEN NOT INVOLVING A MONKEY WITH A TELEPHONE!!!!!!!!!!!! I LAUGHED SO HARD AT THIS THAT I COULDN'T STOP AND THAT MADE ME ANGRY!!!!!!!!! I ENDED UP HAVING TO SET MYSELF ON FIRE JUST TO MAKE ME STOP LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT THAT WAS STILL PRETTY FUNNY TOO!!!!!!!!!!!

9. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI -- SO I WAS HAVING A PAINT THINNER DRINKING CONTEST AGAINST MY REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR WHEN MY PHONE STARTED TO RING!!!!!!!! WITHOUT LOOKING AT IT I KNEW IT WAS MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE KNOWS NOT TO BOTHER ME WHILE I'M BATTLI! NG MY RI VAL IN THE MIRROR!!!!!!!!! I DEMANDED DAN TELL ME WHY HE WAS BOTHERING ME!!!!!!! HE SAID HE WAS SORRY FOR THE DISTURBANCE BUT HIS GOOBER KIDS WANTED HIM TO INVITE ME TO THEIR TEA PARTY!!!!!!!!!! I SCREAMED LIKE A LION FIGHTING TO THE DEATH AGAINST A ROBOT ARMY AND THEN I SAID "THAT SOUNDS DELIGHTFUL!!!!!! TELL THEM I WILL BE THERE!!!!!!" BUT I SAID IT IN A WAY SO HE WOULD KNOW THAT I DON'T LIKE TEA OR HIS GOOBER KIDS!!!!!!!!! WHEN I SHOWED UP AT THE TEA PARTY I SAW THAT THEY DIDN'T EVEN HAVE ANY REAL TEA AND THEY WERE JUST PRETENDING!!!!!!!!!!! I TOLD THEM THAT WAS A DIRTY TRICK AND PRETENDED TO DRINK ALL OF THEIR PRETEND TEA JUST TO SPITE THEM!!!!!!!!!! THEY THOUGHT THAT WAS HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH I HOPE THEIR IMAGINATIONS STOP WORKING SO THEY CAN NEVER DRINK AIR TEA AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!

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