Dimitar Berbatov isThe Continental

Well hello there.

I see you've caught me talking to a local news station in America under the alias for my secret seduction identity, "Dimi Berbaton." Yes, my summer holiday spent photographing nude beaches and then running away -- to stay fit -- has come to an end and now, I have begun Manchester United's preseason Berba showcase of sexy tour in the USA. I must say that it's good to be back with my teammates, even though I have forgotten all of their names. Ha-HA!

Why are the words "Amber Alert" below my erotic alternate name? Well, as I understand it, these alerts are made in the United States when the public needs to know that someone exceptionally arousing is on the loose, waiting for you to find him and rub mayonnaise on his earlobes. Ha-HA! ... No, I don't know what a "swatstika" is or why the scroll beneath the alert says I have one. It also fails to mention my widow's peak, which I'm sure is melting your loins even though you seem to be trying very hard not to look at me. Ha-HA!

So what can America expect as The Berba prepares for another season of being Manchester United's greatest scorer and leading bench sitter? ... No, I won't be accused of snatching any children, but there will be a lot of winking, rubbing and even more assumed names that will make your insides tingle. Like "Disney Berbatog" and "Dilbert Berbatol." Ha-HA!

Oh-OHHH! The American police just put handcuffs on me and called me a Nazi! Oh, this is not how I envisioned my first experience with handcuffs in the United States at all! Oh, this is terrible! These officers seem to be extremely jealous of my Amber Alert status! Perhaps I'll advise them on how they can try to achieve such impressive Berba-brilliance. Ha-HA!

Join us again next ! time for another chapter in the life of...The Continental...