Random musings of footballers before they fall asleep

Cristiano Ronaldo

Press conferences that aren't just about me are boring. ... David Beckham must really love me to name his daughter after my shirt number. ... My nails are better looking than most people's faces. ... If Iker starts crying in the middle of this, I'm leaving. ... I wonder why no one else goes tanning on the surface of the sun. ... My mother better be taking care of my baby right. If he grows up to be ugly it's going to be all her fault...

Excited Mascot

Yes! I did this! This trophy is mine! Go get me a soda, Nemanja Vidic!

Carlo Ancelotti

Whoops. I...don't work here anymore...

Neymar's Hair

Time for the disgraces. ... First, Robinho's hair trie! d to cha llenge me so I had to destroy it. That's a merciless f***ing disgrace. ... Then, I scored two goals against Ecuador and the scrawny body attached to me got all the credit. That's a unrecognized f***ing disgrace. ... Then, people keep making fun me because I'm so tall and frosted and different. That's an intolerant f***ing disgrace. ... Then, there was that time Real Madrid wanted to shave me. That...that was a...

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