Artur Borucs Friday Rage List

AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:

1. EXERCISE -- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I THINK MY SPINE IS SNAPPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. NORTH KOREANS BLAMING POSITIVE DRUG TESTS ON LIGHTNING STRIKE TREATMENT -- I HAVE NEVER HAD STEROIDS SNEAK INTO MY MUSK DEER GLANDS!!!!!!!!!! NEVER!!!!!!!!!!! I DIDN'T KNOW MUSK DEER GLANDS COULD HELP LIGHTNING STRIKE INJURIES THOUGH!!!!!!!!!! I JUST LIKE THE WAY THEY TASTE!!!!!! I MIGHT HAVE TO TRY THAT THE NEXT TIME I GET STRUCK BY LIGHTNING!!!!!!!! WHICH WILL HAPPEN ON TUESDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3. THE BACKHEEL PENALTY KICK -- THIS IS AN ABOMINATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF ANYONE EVER SCORED ON ME WITH A BACKHEEL PENALTY KICK I WOULD MAKE THEIR BACKHEEL THEIR FRONTHEEL AND PUNCH THEIR FACE WITH A CARBURETOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. CORN -- THERE IS A NEW PLANET OF THE APES MOVIE COMING OUT ABOUT HOW THEY GAIN POWER AND DOMINATE HUMANITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS TOTALLY IRRESPONSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS WILL GIVE THE CORN IDEAS THAT IT PROBABLY ALREADY HAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH I HATE YOU SO MUCH HOLLYWOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!

5. BRAZIL AND THE USA MISSING THEIR PENALTY KICKS -- THIS WAS GLORIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND IT PROVES MY THEORY ONCE AND FOR ALL THAT JESUS IS A GOALKEEPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6. HOPE SOLO AND ABBY WAMBACH KICKING BALLS AT CABS -- HOW COME EVERYONE CHEERS WHEN THEY DO IT BUT WHEN I HURL MY BODY INTO THE SIDE OF A MOVING CAB THE DRIVER ALWAYS STOPS AND DEMAND I PAY FOR THE DAMAGE?!!???!?!?!?!??!!?!?! AHHHHHHHHHHH THAT'S REVERSE SEXISM AT ITS WORST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7. MAN UNITED'S BUS INVITING FANS ON BOARD --ONE TIME I INVITED A HITCHHIKER INTO MY CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I THOUGHT HE MIGHT KILL ME SO I TOLD HIM THAT IF HE TRIED ANYTHING I WOULD STRANGLE HIM WITH MY UNDERPANTS!!!!!!!!!!! HE JUMPED OUT OF THE CAR WHILE IT WAS STILL MOVING RIGHT AFTER I SAID THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8. HORSES -- WHY ARE NONE OF THEM EVER UNICORNS?!?!?!?!?!??!??!?!?!? GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER HORSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI -- SO ON MONDAY I WENT TO DINNER WITH DAN AND HIS GOOBER KIDS EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T WANT TO AND MY FOOT WAS BLEEDING FOR REASONS THAT I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL THREE OF THEM CHEWED WITH THEIR MOUTHS OPEN THE WHOLE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!! AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AT THE END OF THE MEAL THEY ASKED ME IF I ENJOYED IT AND I SAID "YES I ENJOYED IT VERY MUCH!!!!!!!!" BUT I SAID IT IN A WAY SO THEY WOULD KNOW THAT I THINK THEY ALL EAT LIKE COWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANYWAY I PAID FOR THE WHOLE MEAL AND GAVE THE WAITER AN EXTRA BIG TIP FOR HAVING TO SERVE THOSE ANIMAL PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH I HOPE HE PUTS THAT TIP MONEY TOWARD ! SOMETHIN G USEFUL LIKE SANDPAPER OR AN ENDANGERED LIZARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!

Photo: ViolaChannel