DT Exclusive: An interview with a young Jose Mourinho

Iker Casillas posted the picture of Jose Mourinho as a child you see above on his Facebook page. So we decided to fire up the DT time machine and visit li'l Jose to find out just how much he's changed over the years. The following is a transcript of that interview.

DT: Hi, Jose. How are you?

Jose: I am fantastic. How else would I be?

DT: I, uh, I don't know. That's why I asked.

Jose: Well it was a stupid question and you are already wasting my time. Ask good questions or I will leave. My trains will not play with themselves.

DT: OK. Sorry. So what do you like to do?

Jose: I like the trains, as I have already said. I like to fingerpaint. This is fun. I also like to win. That is what I do best.

DT: What have you won?

Jose: Everything. I play hide and seek at my house and I win. I play board games at my neighbor's house and I win. I play nap time at school and I win.

DT: How do you win at nap time?

Jose: Shut up.

DT: Ow! You just poked me in the eye!

Jose: Don't make me do it again.

DT: You're not going to make many friends that way, li'l Jose.

Jose: I have many friends. They all know I am the boss. There is Pepe, he kicks people. There is Riccardo, he follows me everywhere. An! d there is Mr. Perez, who lets me teach the class while he spends the school's money on overpriced typewriters. There are also people who I laugh at and aren't my friends. Like Gerard because he bleeds on everything and Rafa because he is chubby and bad at everything.

DT: That's not nice, Jose.

Jose: But it is true.

DT: Still, how would you like if there was a kid younger than you who came along and was just as good at winning as you and made you feel the way Rafa must?

Jose: That would never happen. I will keep winning everything in all the countries of Europe and I will ride on the backs of other children like a lemur king while I do it.

DT: That's...a weird thing for a little kid to aspire to.

Jose: I am not a normal little kid. Just look at my shiny buttons and the side part in my hair. This is good. I'm sure there is a phrase for how different and great I am, but I am still learning vocabulary words.

DT: "Special"? Are you "The Special One"?

Jose: You tell me.

DT: What do you think of UNICEF?

Jose: I think it is an evil organization. I do not trust them. They say they give money to children, but I never get this money. They are liars.

DT: Ow! You just -- you just poked me in the eye again! What was that for?

Jose: A diversion. And now I will ride on your back to the shops where you will buy me ice cream and toys. Giddyup, donkey.