Random musings of footballers before they fall asleep

Zlatan Ibrahimovic

Heavenly Zlatan, I know I haven't prayed to you since last Zlatanmas, but this is very important. ... Please command all the non-Zlatans to buy my book I am Zlatan. ... It is truly the greatest work by a Swedish immortal since the last time I scored a goal, which happens all the time. ... Also, now that Silvio Berlusconi is no longer Prime Minister of Italy, please prevent him from having his parties at my house ever again. Everything is still slippery and sticky all at the same time. ... I have no idea how that is possible even though I have a doctorate from Zlatan University in the subject of Everything. ... Finally, please protect me from Onyewu. Amen...

Danny Welbeck

I HAVE RECONSIDERED AND NO LONGER BELIEVE THIS TO BE A GOOD IDEA!

Petr Cech

Bad idea: Thinking that I could get away with robbing a bank with all this headgear on and not get recognized. ... Worse idea: Going through with it anyway after the bank teller shouted "Hey look! It's the goalkeeper with all th! e headge ar -- Petr Cech!" ... Worst idea: Thinking that a soft rugby cap could deflect a bullet back at the police. ... I blame the comic books...

Didier Drogba

Time for the disgraces. ... First, this season has been totally ruined by about nine million different international breaks. That's a disjointed f***ing disgrace. ... Then, this guy laying next to me is pointing his behind right at you. That's a rude f***ing disgrace. ... Then, Kalou invited me to his house for the holidays, but he said I can only come if I bring him a present worth 3,500 or more and if Kitier Katba does the same for Katou. That's an even ruder f***ing disgrace. ... Then, Sepp Blatter still exists. That's an incomprehensible f***ing disgrace. ... Then there were those times those referees who probably flushing goldfish down public toilets for fun cheated us out of the Champions League. That...that was a...

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