Soccer Sorcery

Rafael and Grant Hanley go to ground Blackburn gatecrashed Sir Alex Ferguson's 70th birthday celebrations to claim a shockwinagaints Manchester United at Old Trafford. Goals from Ayegbeni Yakubu either side of the interval put the Barclays Premier League's bottom club into a surprise two-goal lead before United hit back through Dimitar Berbatov. There seemed to be only one conclusion after the Bulgarian had scored twice to take his tally to five over the Christmas period. But despite piling on the pressure, it was United who were undone as David de Gea failed to collect Morten Gamst Pedersen's corner, allowing Grant Hanley to head home the winner 10 minutes from time. It represented Steve Kean's best win as Blackburn manager, taking them off the foot of the table, and left Ferguson to question the wisdom of not even putting a rested Wayne Rooney on the bench on the day he confirmed an intention to remain in his job for a further three years. The pa

Even though Mario Balotelli has said that his manager at both Inter and Manchester City, Roberto Mancini, is like a father to him, the two are not actually related by blood or law. And as it turns out, that's good news for Mario. When asked about Balotelli being photographed smoking cigarettes on numerous occasions, Mancini defined his boundaries when it comes to kicking people. From the Independent : "Yeah, yeah I know this," Mancini said when the player's habit was put to him. "I know that he smokes, yes. If he was my son I would give him a kick up the arse! But he is not my son. I told him that it is better you don't smoke. I am against cigarettes always and for this reason my son doesn't smoke. There are players who smoke in Italy and I think also here. I don't think he smokes a lot five or six a day." Well, inhaling one smoking bathroom has to be equal to a few hundred cigarettes, so I think that estimate is off a bit. But if Roberto&#

With the 2012 Summer Olympics in London approaching, the Royal Mint has produced perhaps the most useful commemorative coins of all time. The genius design for the football coin -- created by a competition winner -- features a diagram on the back that finally illustrates the offside rule, which has the ability to confuse new and old fans alike, in coin form. RoyalMint.com explains: In January 2009 the Royal Mint launched its biggest ever competition, inviting the British public to design a series of new 50p coins. Thousands of excellent designs were received from all over the UK, featuring all 29 sports of the 2012 Olympic and Paralympic Games. The best designs were selected and now they've been made into coins for you to collect as lasting mementoes of London 2012. The Football 50p coin, designed by Neil Wolfson, comes in a fun and vibrant pack, making the London 2012 Sports Collection a special set of coins for all the family. Though this commemorative coin has great upsi

With the 2012 Summer Olympics in London approaching, the Royal Mint has produced perhaps the most useful commemorative coins of all time. The genius design for the football coin -- created by a competition winner -- features a diagram on the back that finally illustrates the offside rule, which has the ability to confuse new and old fans alike, in coin form. RoyalMint.com explains: In January 2009 the Royal Mint launched its biggest ever competition, inviting the British public to design a series of new 50p coins. Thousands of excellent designs were received from all over the UK, featuring all 29 sports of the 2012 Olympic and Paralympic Games. The best designs were selected and now they've been made into coins for you to collect as lasting mementoes of London 2012. The Football 50p coin, designed by Neil Wolfson, comes in a fun and vibrant pack, making the London 2012 Sports Collection a special set of coins for all the family. Though this commemorative coin has great upsi

Shortly after shining some shoes, cleaning a chimney and thanking Ebenezer Scrooge for sending a prize turkey to his family home for Christmas, famous Victorian cockney David Beckham visited a pie & mash shop for a plate of traditional English fare. Clearly assimilating himself back into British culture since returning from Los Angeles, the 36-year-old midfielder has posted a photo on his Facebook page from Tony's Pie & Mash shop in Waltham Abbey, Essex. It's a regular haunt for Becks when he returns to his home nation, and we can only assume he dresses up like a character from a Charles Dickens novel each time he visits. His usual order, according to The Sun , is double pie, double mash, parsley liquor [that's a green, non-alcoholic gravy], a cup of tea and a side portion of jellied eels. If you're wondering if this kind of traditional comfort food is befitting of a professional sportsman, the answer is 'probably not'. And if you've never tried jel

Manchester United's slender chance of being reinstated in the Champions League looks to have been snuffed out after football bosses in Switzerland docked 36 points from rebel club Sion for fielding ineligible players. The Swiss Football Association (SFV)was threatened with expulsion from all competitions by world football's governing body FIFA if they failed to punish Sion, who were kicked out of the Europa League by UEFA earlier this season after fielding players they had signed during a transfer embargo. The SFV were FIFA told the SFV there would be a blanket ban on Swiss football if action was not taken by January 13. Sion have now been docked three points for each of the 12 Swiss league and cup matches any one of the six ineligible players appeared in. They had been third in the Swiss top flight with 31 points prior to the sanction. The SFV said in a statement on their official website www.football.ch: "The central board of the SFV has w

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, Jose Mourinho and Pep Guardiola are some of the people who might be inline for United's hot seat As Sir Alex Ferguson celebrates his 70th birthday, he shows no outward sign of being weighed down by the demands of managing United. But, eventually, there has to be a change at the top. Here, MEN Sport looks at the men who might be in the frame when Ferguson finally vacates the United hot-seat. Ole Gunnar Solskjaer: A host of former United players have been linked with the job in the past yet all have fallen by the wayside. The latest is Solskjaer, who has made a successful start to his managerial career at Molde. He lacks experience, though, and could benefit from Ferguson remaining at the helm for some time yet. Jose Mourinho: The Real Madrid boss is the clear favourite despite his repeated brushes with authority and a lukewarm endorsement from United legend Sir Bobby Charlton. The former Chelsea manager is the one man guaranteed not

In a shock move to help replace Marouane Chamakh and Gervinho while the pair are away on African Cup of Nations duty, Arsenal have signed the recently unveiled statue of the club's record goalscorer, Thierry Henry, to a two-month loan deal. Though New York Red Bulls Thierry Henry, 34, has been training with Arsenal during the MLS offseason, manager Arsene Wenger revealed that he has opted to sign the new bronze statue currently sitting outside Emirates Stadium instead. "Thierry looked great in training with us and it would have been wonderful for our younger players to play alongside him," said Wenger after presenting the Henry statue with its new shirt. "But we still have Robin van Persie to score goals and we felt the statue would be a more fitting replacement for Chamakh. Plus, there's no chance of it saying something racist and you don't have to pay a statue anything at all, which fits our budget." Unlike the real Henry, the statue does not have the

As the top-of-the-table battle with City really starts to hot up, its not hard to guess what Sir Alex Ferguson wants for his 70th birthday on Saturday. Im sure the message from the Scot to his players would be: Dont go spending your money on me... just make sure were three points clear at the top of the table when the New Year bells ring. The Reds are now in a great position to kick on in the title race after a superb December. They have drawn level on points with City at a time Fergie always sees as being an important stage. With the momentum behind them, United are now just 11/8 to clinch title No. 20 this season, although City are still favourites at 4/5 and its 18/1 bar in what is surely a two-horse race. I dont know how much the fixture planners and TV decision-makers were influenced by Sir Alexs celebrations this weekend, but the Old Trafford gaffer could hardly have chosen a better scenario for his birthday match. United would be expected to put struggling

Wacky hair? Check. Baffling disciplinary issues on the pitch? Check. A penchant for playing jokes on teammates? Check. And now, David Luiz (who apparently now speaks English like a cross between Super Mario and Borat) can add impressive acts of generosity to the list of evidence that proves he might be following the Mario Balotelli path to unpredictable magnificence. As part of a series for Chelsea's official website , Luiz shared how he celebrates Christmas back home in Brazil (when not playing a match every eight seconds over the holiday period in the Premier League) and it turns out he's more Santa Claus than Sideshow Bob. "In Brazil I give a big party for 1,000 kids in my city [Diadema], and am giving them presents. It makes me very happy to help the kids, and it's very important to me at Christmas." Of course, we don't know what presents he gives these 1,000 kids from his hometown and it could be nothing but pictures of himself making goofy faces and Ac

Admittedly he's not the first footballer to do it , but Jermaine Pennant has truly mastered the art of automotive subtlety by getting his Aston Martin DBS resprayed in chrome. Defacing a $200,000 car in this manner isn't cheap, but it's certainly a more convenient way of attracting attention than shouting "LOOK AT ME!" at everyone you drive past. The extra-dark window tinting is also a good idea. Not only can the Stoke winger easily hide his next model girlfriend from his current one , but he can live in his own filth with impunity this is the front seat of his old Ferrari . Image: Bild

I don't know about you, but whenever I leave a Rio de Janeiro nightclub in the early hours of the morning, I like to take some ladies home with me and fire a few rounds off on a gun to keep myself entertained during the journey (I call them "car pops"). If police reports are to be believed, I'm remarkably similar to Brazilian striker Adriano, who finds himself in hot water after a bullet from his bodyguard's gun found its way into the hand of a lady accomplice on Christmas Eve. The Taiwanese animation above is greater than any written word, but The Telegraph have fleshed out the details: Adriane Cirilo dos Pintos, 20, was wounded in her left hand and required surgery after the incident outside a Rio de Janeiro nightclub. Ex-Inter Milan forward Adriano, 29, was reportedly leaving a party with four young women at Barra Music club at around 6am on Christmas Eve. Ms Pinto told police the footballer was fooling around with his bodyguard's .44 calibre pistol in the

Manchester City are no slouches when it comes to peddling merch: sky blue toothbrushes , gnomes and electric guitars are just some of the random garish nonsense available at the club shop. One area where the club's marketeers have missed a trick, however, is bridal wear. When 38-year-old City fan Karen Bell (presumably no relation to Manchester legend Colin Bell) decided to tie the knot with fellow Citizen Simon, she snubbed the traditional white wedding dress and got creative with some of his old jerseys. The Manchester Evening News reports: "We wanted to do something different because we have both been married before." Karen spent three weeks at a sewing machine armed with a collection of Simon's Blues shirts from the 80s and onwards. "It was a labour of love," she said. "I was at the sewing machine six nights a week." After the ceremony, when most couples might put themselves on a plane pointed towards a luxurious beach resort, Karen and Simo

(audio might be NSFW) It was only a matter of time before Mario Balotelli's blend of tall tales and hyper-reality seeped into other streams of pop culture. The fact that it's taken this long for someone to incorporate his " Why Always Me? " catchphrase into a song, but Tinchy Stryder has finally done it. Featured on his new The Wish List Mixtape -- a free download released on Christmas eve -- "Mario Balotelli" starts with several audio clips from Machester City manager Roberto Mancini and Mario himself before going into the song, which has a refrain of "Why always me? Why always me? Why always me? Mario Balotelli." It also mentions Petr Cech just because every song should. And now the wait until Billy Joel reworks "We Didn't Start the Fire" to be about Mario begins... Video via 101gg

Wesley Sneijder United have been given the green light to move for long-term target Wesley Sneijder in January and Sir Alex Ferguson insists he has the cash to buy the Dutch international. Inter Milan are ready to cash-in on their prize asset during the transfer window. And although Ferguson is adamant his squad is strong enough to fend off City in the race for the title, he has revealed he has the money to spend if a world-class player becomes available. Sneijder has been on Uniteds radar for more than a year and was their top target last summer following the retirement of Paul Scholes. But a 30m deal could not be agreed for the 27-year-old, forcing Ferguson to rely on starlet Tom Cleverley as his chief playmaker. The 22-year-old was a revelation at the start of the season, but has played only twice since injuring his foot in September. Further injuries to Anderson and a serious bowel condition for Darren Fletcher has left United short in central midfield.

Over the summer, several Barcelona players (including Sergio Busquets) met with the diving experts at the Miami Seaquarium in an effort to stay one unnecessary tumble ahead of Real Madrid this season. Now, coming off a disappointing loss to Barca in which nothing seemed to go his way and looking to maintain a three-point lead in the league table, Cristiano Ronaldo is using his winter break to study with his own diving master in an effort to keep up with his rivals. It's unclear whether this particular dolphin was recommended by Angel Di Maria or if Ronaldo tracked down the master that taught Alexis Sanchez's ultra-intensive crash course, but the message here is clear: it's on.

Stoke and Aston Villa played out an ugly 0-0 draw on Boxing Day that was anything but a holiday gift. Clearly, this young Stoke mascot knew what everyone was in for. Either that or he was promised an Emile Heskey autograph just before this photo was taken. Photo: Getty

Literally. Just the day you were waiting for, right? Ukraines Euro 2012 coin collection: released. Specifically the coin above, for which youve been stocking away all those gift cards and envelopes full of cash. Its a 46 coin selling at a price of 34,000. For, yes, a football tournament. Outside of the rapture, I cant imagine there to be any event worth selling currency at roughly 740x its actual value and even then I imagine itd be frowned upon. (You know, given the whole charity thing.) Tis a nice looking piece of change, really, along with the rest of the collection . Still wont get you anything but blank stares at Starbucks.

Andy Carroll got a rare start in Liverpool's 1-1 Boxing Day draw against Blackburn. Though he didn't score, he was sporting a bit of a black eye that prompted many viewers to ask what happened to him. The official explanation was that he picked it up during training late last week, but there might have been more to it than that. Here are several other possible explanations for Andy Carroll's black eye. -He was practicing penalties. -Turned his head too fast and got whipped in the eye by his own ponytail. -Luis Suarez gave it to him to prove he's not racist. -Couldn't quite get out of the way of Craig Bellamy's golf club. - Pepe Reina tried to fist him at the wrong end. -He told Kenny Dalglish that maybe they should all hold off on wearing Suarez shirts until they read the detailed reasoning for his ban. -He told Steven Gerrard that he's never heard of Phil Collins. -He made eye contact with Martin Skrtel. -He forgot to put on his "drinking helmet"

Ryan Giggs is still going strong Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson has confirmed that Ryan Giggs will be offered a new contract. At the age of 38 Giggs continues to play a central part in United's battle for silverware and starred in the 5-0 win at Fulham, where he kept up his record of scoring in every Premier League season. "I think Ryan can play for another year," said Ferguson. "There is no evidence at this moment in time that his energy, stamina or speed are decreasing. In fact, it's exactly the same as it was the last two or three years. It's amazing." On Christmas Eve Giggs revealed heplans to discuss his plans for the future. Giggs, who has spent his entire career at United, is halfway through the latest in a succession of one-year contracts that have become the norm for the Welshman since he entered his 30s. Giggs said: Its almost that time when Ill sit down with the manager and see what his plans are

Previously: The first time Artur saved Christmas . AHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS NOT MY FRIDAY RAGE LIST!!!!!! SINCE CHRISTMAS IS HERE IT DIDN'T SEEM RIGHT TO BE MAKING A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK!!!!!!! SO INSTEAD I WILL TELL YOU ABOUT THE SECOND TIME I SAVED CHRISTMAS!!!!! IT WAS SEVERAL DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY BECAUSE I HAD ALREADY OPENED ALL THE WINDOWS ON MY ADVENT CALENDAR OUT OF EXCITEMENT AND FURIOUS ANTICIPATION!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS BUSY WRAPPING PRESENTS IN PORCUPINE NEEDLES WHEN MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI AND HIS GOOBER KIDS CAME RUSHING IN AS IF THAT WAS SOMETHING THAT I ACTUALLY WANTED THEM TO DO!!!!!!!!!!! DAN SAID "SOMEONE TOOK ALL OF OUR PRESENTS AND CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS" AND THEN THE GOOBER KIDS STARTED CRYING AND THE BOY GOOBER KID BLEW A SNOT BUBBLE WHICH MADE ME WANT TO VOMIT NUCLEAR WEAPONS!!!!!!!! I TOLD THEM I WOULD FIGURE OUT WHO DID THIS EXCEPT I SAID IT IN A WAY SO THEY WOULD KNOW THAT IF

London derbies are always intense affairs -- especially when the stewards have cameras strapped to their heads to catch any and all bad behavior, as they did at White Hart Lane for Spurs' 1-1 draw against Chelsea. After the match, Didier Drogba put any hard feelings aside, grabbed a Siberian Husky tail and went to work for Spurs TV by interviewing Emmanuel Adebayor. Didier proved to be a true pro, using the same stock questions professional journalists have asked him a billion times before. He did, however, throw in an explanation for why he was sweating so much and he made a few goofy faces that he must've learned from David Luiz. Though Drogba does seem ready for a career in TV once his footballing days are over, there is still one last test for him as an interviewer: Questioning Harry Redknapp about Luka Modric's transfer status through his car window.

St. Pauli, the rebels of German football, have produced a short holiday video that shuns the usual heart-warming fuzziness of the season and will probably make small children cry. In the clip, Santa is merrily riding his sleigh full of presents through the woods when he is is suddenly blasted in the head by a ball. This knocks him off the sleigh and we then see the St. Pauli players on their nearby training ground arguing over who kicked the errant shot. The clip ends with ominous church bells ringing as we look down on Santa's lifeless corpse, the ball still bouncing around him. Never change, St. Pauli. Never change.

Pepe is an angry man. If you combined the vitriol generated by manager-hating Blackburn fans and the comments section of the Daily Mail website, you might approach the seething indignation that stews within the Real Madrid star. The defender and occasional midfielder has taken time away from his passion for hacking shinbones and collecting rectangular-shaped red-colored cards from La Liga officials for the rather less furious pastime of baking. Despite being handed a cookie cutter and a rolling pin both of which could easily be fashioned into makeshift weapons the Portuguese international doesn't appear to injure anyone in the clip, and even manages to produce some delectable gingerbread men. "Hey, they're good! Very tasty!" says Pepe, shortly before handing the chef the one he laced with poison. In related news, Mario Balotelli is the world's most frustrated festive cake decorator . H/T: 101GG

Phil Jones at Fulham Manchester United star Phil Jones should be fit to face Wigan on Boxing Day after X-rays revealed he had not fracutured his cheek bone against Fulham. Jones was forced to leave the field after 20 minutes after he clashed with Clint Dempsey and manager Ferguson revealed afterwards he feared the young England international faced a spell on the sidelines. "Phil Jones should be okay for Monday," Ferguson said. "We feared the worst but there is no break." What do you think? Have your say. Tweet

Lionel Messi It's almost Christmas! ... I hope I was good enough this year. ... There were those two days that I didn't make my bed and that one time I forgot to brush my teeth after eating onions but I did make soup for old people every day to make up for it. ... I hope Santa gets me the Lego Power Boat Transporter set and the Lego Space Center set I asked for. ... It was mean of Dani Alves to say that he isn't real and that Pep actually delivers toys to all the children around the world in one night. ... I hope he still gets presents though. ... If Maradona gets stuck in my chimney again this year, I'm not giving him any of the soup I made... Zlatan Ibrahimovic I am Zlatan. ... I AM Zlatan. ... I am Zlatan. ... I am ZLATAN. ... I am Zlatan. ... Zlatan, I am. ... I am Zlatan. ... IamZlatan. ... Eye m Zlatan. ... I AM ZLATAN . ... .natalZ ma I ... I...am actually Ted Queefington... Jan-Ingwer Callsen-Bracker WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME ! Didier Drogba Time for the h

Schalke and U.S. midfielder Jermaine Jones was booked twice and sent off in his side's 3-1 DFB Pokal loss to Borussia Monchengladbach, but it was a separate incident the referee did not see that now has him facing a lengthy ban and slapped with a few unwanted titles. From Soccer America : Television replays (see video above) showed the German-American Jones stepping on Gladbach star Marco Reus' left foot. Reus is playing with a specially designed shoe because of a broken toe but still scored twice in the win that knocked the defending champions. In a column entitled "The nastiest player in German soccer," Stefan Giannakoulis of n-tv said Jones stomped on Reus' foot with the intent to injury him, and the German federation (DFB) will have to take action. The 30-year-old Jones has had a reputation for rough play for a while now. While on loan at Blackburn, he earned eight yellow cards in 15 matches (he has six in 10 Bundesliga matches this season). German tabloid Bil

It seems someone started celebrating a little early at the Inter training complex and decided to try and take a leisurely drive through the closing gates. The gates closed in a little too soon, though and the driver of the Volvo smashed into one, taking it off its hinges. But don't worry! Skinny Santa Claus saw the whole thing. Apparently the driver of the car is unknown. The Grinch perhaps? Maybe Rafa Benitez back for a visit?

Peter Spencer MEN Sports editor Peter Spencer will be online at 12 noon to discuss all the latest topics asCity and Unitedlead the Premier League at Christmas. Who will get the better of the battle in the new year and can we expect any January signings - here's your chance to find out. Pete will be online from12 but feel free to get your questions in early by clicking on the box below. United webchat Tweet

Well hello there. I see you've caught me pointing to a Berba-babe after scoring an erotic backheel goal . Let's hope she's not an undercover police officer like the last one. Ha-HA! But seriously, I don't have eyes for any Berba-beauties except you. And her. And maybe her. Actually, no, not her. That's a Santa Claus. As for the obvious matter at hand, yes, my widow's peak is looking tremendous and my hair is standing erect because The Berba is reborn! Ha-HA! And because I took a handful of male enhancement pills before the match. ... No, not because I need them. The Berba is always full of vigor. And a wide array of jams. I take them because they help me pass the time while I sit on the bench and text message humorous anecdotes followed by my name to Sir Alex Ferguson just to remind him that I exist. But no more! After playing the final 13 minutes in a 5-0 match and scoring with a sensual backheel, I will surely regain my place as the most important and effortle

Dimitar Berbatov backheels United's fifth Manchester United winger Ashley Young has been ruled out for two to three weeks while Phil Jones "doesn't look great" after the England duo sustained injuries during the 5-0 win at Fulham. Young was hurt while tackling Dickson Etuhu, picking up an unspecified injury that Sir Alex Ferguson has revealed will sideline him until January. Jones damaged his jaw after being elbowed by Clint Dempsey while competing for the ball in mid-air, but Ferguson did not give an estimate for his time in the treatment room. "The tackle on Ashley Young was a very aggressive tackle and I will have to see that again," Ferguson told MUTV. "Fulham were very aggressive in the second half and Ashley Young has paid the price for that. He has got a sore one so will be out for two to three weeks. "On Phil Jones it was an elbow from Dempsey, but I don't think it was intentional. But he caught him with

With Ajax leading AZ Alkmaar 1-0 in the 35th minute of their Dutch Cup round of 16 match, a pitch invader charged at Alkmaar goalkeeper Esteban Alvarado. The fiery keeper did not appreciate this, so he kicked the snot out of the pitch invader and ended up getting a red card for it. That's when Alkmaar decided they didn't want to play anymore. From Reuters : Costa Rican Esteban appeared to retaliate against the fan after being kicked himself. After he was dismissed Alkmaar coach Gert Jan Verbeek ordered his team to leave the pitch and the match was called off with Ajax leading 1-0. "Verbeek ordered the team off the pitch to control the situation and in the dressing room our players said that they don't feel safe anymore on the pitch," said Alkmaar's technical director Earnest Stewart. The 19-year-old pitch invader was arrested and Ajax manager Frank de Boer said he understood Alkmaar's decision. I'm guessing that kid won't run at a goalkeeper ever a

Prior to Liverpool's match against Wigan on Tuesday -- a day after the FA announced Luis Suarez will be banned eight matches (pending appeal) for using a racial insult against Patrice Evra -- all the Liverpool players, including Luis Suarez wore special T-shirts in support of Luis Suarez. The shirts featured a picture of a celebrating Suarez on the front and "Suarez 7" on the back. The gesture was accompanied by yet another official statement from Liverpool , this time attributed to the players (presumably including Luis Suarez): Luis Suarez is our teammate and our friend and as a group of players we are shocked and angered that he has been found guilty by the FA. We totally support Luis and we want the world to know that. We know he is not racist. We are a squad of many different nationalities and backgrounds. All of us support the Club's commitment to fighting racism. All of us accept there is no place in the game for any form of discrimination. As a group of pl

Although it's been necessary, all the racism talk is still depressing -- especially since this is the holiday season, after all. So, to help lift your spirits and restore a tiny sliver of your faith in humanity, here's a picture of Lionel Messi's niece feeding him Pringles in an airport. Someone needs to make a bronze sculpture out of this scene and put it in a village square. Photo via Globo

John Terry will face criminal charges for allegedly using a racial slur against QPR's Anton Ferdinand. If found guilty, Terry faces a fine of 2,500, the strong potential of charges from the FA once the more important criminal case is wrapped up, and the possibility of losing his England captaincy (again.) "I'm glad I'm not that guy," Luis Suarez is probably saying as he makes up his list of books to read during his time off work. Unlike Liverpool on the Suarez FA case , Chelsea kept their official statement on short and free of attacks on Ferdinand or accusations of a conspiracy against Terry. Terry's personal statement, however, made one of the same mistakes Liverpool did and shows that he too misses the mark in his defense. From the Guardian : "I am disappointed with the decision to charge me and hope to be given the chance to clear my name as quickly as possible," Terry said. "I have never aimed a racist remark at anyone and count people

Manchester United are set to receive around 5,700 tickets for next months FA Cup derby after safety officials came down on Citys side in a row over their allocation. Reds bosses wrote to the FA to complain when their request for 7,170 seats for the January 8 Etihad showdown was turned down by the Blues. Competition rules stipulate that visiting clubs are entitled to 15 per cent of the stadiums capacity and the Old Trafford hierarchy felt justified in asking for that. A crunch meeting was held yesterday between a safety advisory group, which featured representatives from both sides, the police and the town hall. And M.E.N. Sport understands that they were minded to recommend the lower allocation to FA bosses who are expected to make the final decision today. If Uniteds bid was successful it would have seen the Reds fans situated in two stands. That would have led to the closure of turnstiles and rival supporters sharing the same concourses in the bowels of the Etih

According to L'Equipe's Wednesday edition, David Beckham (not pictured above in fake Beckham nativity scene featuring terrible impersonators) is likely to sign an 18-month contract with PSG in early January and join his new teammates for training in Qatar. The French sport paper also says that PSG officials spent Tuesday planning a lavish unveiling ceremony "worthy of a true rockstar" that would see Beckham start at Paris' city hall before traveling down the Champs-Elyses. After that -- and I'm just guessing here -- they will then blow up the Eiffel Tower and replace it with a statue of Beckham twice as tall. It will also have customizable 5 o'clock shadow. Meanwhile, David's handlers have been quick to emphasize that nothing is done yet. From the AP : "No agreement has been reached with any club yettalks of a deal are premature," Beckham's management company, XIX Entertainment, said in a statement to The Associated Press. "David ha

All the stuff being covered outside the unfriendly confines of the award-winning Dirty Tackle... Mirko Vucinic wins. [YouTube] The LA Galaxy get to play with a special silver ball next season, like the one everyone complained about in the MLS Cup final. [ KCKRS ] Man United have an opportunity to entertain in the Europa League. [ TFB ] Mr. Zonal Marking on whether Spurs should keep Emmanuel Adebayor. [ LaP ] Our friends at Pitch Invasion have a new book out. Check it: [ Pitch Invasion ] What is Fernando Torres wearing on his head? [ Kickette ] The 10 greatest long balls in football history. [ STI ] Top 10 boots of 2011. [ TOW ] NHL goalie has custom helmet featuring Ned Flanders and Leo Messi. [ IGM ] Luis Suarez: One Angry Man. [ TPS ]

Real Madrid finished off second division side Ponferradina with ease in the Copa del Rey. Instead of asking an opposing player for their shirt after the 5-1 second-leg drubbing as is customary, Ponferradina defender Dani Carril went up to Jose Mourinho and asked for his vest. Without hesitation, Mourinho took it off and handed it over to him. According to Marca , the grateful Carril later said of Mourinho, "Mou, you're the f***ing master."

Liverpool striker Luis Suarez has been banned for eight matches (one match longer than his ban for biting PSV's Otman Bakkal last year) and fined 40,000 for using racial insults against Manchester United's Patrice Evra. In response, Liverpool's official website published a lengthy defense of Suarez/attack on Evra that went beyond your usual club support for a punished player. Here it is, in full: Liverpool Football Club is very surprised and disappointed with the decision of the Football Association Commission to find Luis Suarez guilty of the charges against him. We look forward to the publication of the Commission's Judgment. We will study the detailed reasons of the Commission once they become available, but reserve our right to appeal or take any other course of action we feel appropriate with regards to this situation. That's certainly fair enough. I like to think Liverpool's actual press officer wrote this and intended it to be the club's full

Man United held their annual Big United Quiz for MUTV and contrary to what you might assume, Wayne Rooney proved to be a master at charades. Teamed with Ryan Giggs and Jonny Evans, Rooney was tasked with miming the film title "Bend it like Beckham." He immediately focused on the last word of the title and first tried to prompt his teammates by referencing the fact that Beckham was their club's No. 7. But that didn't work. Then he did a long hair motion and that didn't work either. Finally, getting desperate, he acted out the time Alex Ferguson angrily launched a boot at Beckham's head , disregarding the fact that Alex Ferguson was sitting right there as he did it. Ferguson perked up the first time he did it, as if he couldn't believe this was happening. And once a laughing Ryan Giggs guessed correctly, Ferguson smiled and said, "This is going to cost you." We can only assume that Ferguson later plucked every new hairplug out of Rooney's head

If St. Pauli are playing, there's a pretty good chance stuff will get thrown onto the pitch. Back in April, fans of the Bundesliga side donated a full cup of beer, coins and lighters to a linesman to get a match with Schalke abandoned, and their fierce rivals Hansa Rostock made it rain bananas at a game last month. During last night's match with Eintracht Frankfurt, the missile of choice was a "kassenrollen" a small roll of paper from a cash register. The man to get in the way of its trajectory was Swiss midfielder Pirmin Schwegler, who hit the deck with a little too much vigor considering he'd been struck with paper. A little embarrassed with his amateur dramatics, Schwegler sheepishly blamed shock for his reaction in a post-match interview: "The object was not hard, it just came as a surprise. I feel fine. It's just sad [that these things happen]. The St. Pauli fans are actually really nice and make a great atmosphere." To be fair, a cash registe

Wayne Rooney Wayne Rooney 1 / 2 Play Slideshow Wayne Rooney will be able to share tips and discuss form with Michael Owen and Sir Alex Ferguson after becoming the latest Old Trafford star to buy a racehorse. Rooney invested in a well-bred 63,000 colt after a day out at Owen's Manor House stables. The pair were joined by injured team-mate Tom Cleverley and Bradford-based magician, Dynamo. It was a magic day, tweeted Owen, a passionate racing fan who owns the vast majority of the horses at the yard in Malpas, Cheshire. They were introduced to the stable by Michael and came along for the morning, said Lizzie Lea, Racing Secretary at Manor House. They called ahead of time to say they were coming and I think Wayne and Tom were really impressed with the facilities. The group was given a tour of the stables by Assistant Trainer Colin Gorman. Rooney, who earns a reported 250,000-a-week, then signed on the dotted line for the bay-coloured one-year-old hor! se.

The rise of Neymar has been rapid and slathered in hyperbole, making the Club World Cup final the perfect climax for comparisons between the 19-year-old Brazilian and Lionel Messi, as well as suggestions that Neymar might even be better . Except, instead of a showdown between the Ballon d'Or holder and the even younger gun pushed into being his challenger, it was a public flogging. Barcelona beat Santos 4-0 and Messi scored the match's first and last goals. Neymar, meanwhile, was so anonymous that a publication back in Brazil published a "missing child" poster with his pouting face on its cover. To be even more clear, our friends at Bola Nas Costas explained the match with a handy bit of photoshoppery... So, given all that, maybe the Brazilian T-shirt maker Huck's starry-eyed Neymar shirt with the text "Messi who?" was a bit premature. Or maybe it's now more appropriate than ever as a reminder that everyone needs to calm down with the comparisons,

Wayne Rooney and Tom Cleverley, along with a magician called Dynamo, visiting teammate Michael Owen's Manor House Stables on Monday (pictured above), where Rooney's Christmas presents to himself and his wife will be living. No, he's not making prostitutes live in stables -- he bought horses. From The Mirror : Coleen [Rooney] is a regular visitor to the Grand National and Wayne is also a fan, so they've now splashed 100,000 on two colts. They will be kept at United team-mate Michael Owen's stables, where top trainer Tom Dascombe will be tasked with turning them into winners. Wayne, 26, has named one Tomway after his dad full name Thomas Wayne Rooney but it is not yet known what Coleen, 25, has called hers. Tomway? If anything that name will serve as a flag for the authorities to open up a race fixing probe . There are so many better names Wayne could've gone with. Like " F***ing What " or " Hair We Go " or "Granny" or "Mea

With the hiring of Bortolo Mutti, Palermo have now made 23 managerial changes in the last 10 years (and four in 2011) under crazypants owner Maurizio Zamparini -- a man who makes Roman Abramovich seem patient by comparison. Making the dismissal of former manager Devis Mangia a bit more memorable than the many others was the fact that the naively optimistic gaffer brought a box of a panettone -- the Italian Christmas bread to his press conference ahead of Palermo's Sicilian derby loss to Catania over the weekend. In Italy, there's a saying that a doomed manager "won't get to eat his panettone," meaning he'll be gone before Christmas. Mangia (whose surname coincidentally means "eat"), thought he was playing a little joke with the press, but he bought his panettone a little too soon. Palermo currently sit 10th in the Serie A table. Upon removing Mangia and naming his next sacrificial lamb, Zamparini said (via Football Italia ): "I say to the fans

The holiday season is upon us and millions of boys and girls around the world are writing out their wishlists in the hopes that Santa Claus brings them everything they want. And footballers are no different. The following is a compilation of Blackburn defender Scott Dann's most desired items, which he compiled after suffering a ruptured testicle during last weekend's loss to West Brom. -A pony. -To not have a ruptured testicle. -An electric razor. -To not have everyone know that I have a ruptured testicle. -Cappuccino maker. -To not have Soccernet making jokes involving my ruptured testicle and Steve Kean getting sacked . -Lots of alcohol. -For Steve Kean to get abducted by aliens. -To not have anyone make up a fake wishlist with my name on it that repeats the phrase "ruptured testicle" over and over. -Anything that isn't a second ruptured testicle. -A tie clip. -Seriously, this is awful. Previously: Sir Alex Ferguson's wishlist and Zlatan Ibrahimovi

The attacker tries to go for a ball the goalkeeper already got a hand on in this indoor match and paid for it by taking a hard forearm to the head. The YouTube uploader says it was an accident. The best part of this video, however, is the fact that the referee is wearing a jacket and tie. They should do that in the World Cup.

United's players got the bird 80 years ago today but they werent complaining. A 2,000 cash windfall and a Christmas turkey for the Reds players of the 1930s was the outcome of a historic plea which saved the Reds from the brink of extinction. In December 1931 United were in serious danger of folding. The club were heavily in debt and the Reds board hadnt enough in the coffers to even pay the players wages. The economic depression had struck the country and hit Old Trafford particularly hard. United had enjoyed some glory years, but it was City who were prospering in Manchester and the Reds were in desperate need of a cash lifeline. On discovering the story that Uniteds players had been told they wouldnt be paid, sports writer Stacey Lintott visited a contact and told Salford businessman James Gibson of the clubs plight. Gibson was a sports fan whose military uniform manufacturing business Briggs, Jones & Gibson was thriving, and Uniteds

While Aston Villa were losing 2-0 to Liverpool on Sunday, a Twitter user spotted Darren Bent, who had been ruled out of the match due to injury, shopping in Cambridge. Villa fans did not like this (even though Bent was injured and just sitting at home anyway) and directed their scolding disapproval in the direction of Bent's account. Later in the day, presumably once his Christmas shopping was finished, Bent tweeted his apology : Nothing is more important to me than playing football, sadly injury meant I wasn't able to do that today. Gutted not to be involved...... I hope to be back very soon. Watched the majority of he game on tv. Never knew popping out would cause an issue and for that I apologise KTF To some people this is a non-issue overblown by frustrated fans and to others it's proof that Bent doesn't care about this team. But whether he was home watching every second of the game on TV, out shopping or wearing a Balotelli costume and giving wedgies to school b

As expected, Barcelona made easy work of the annually forgotten Club World Cup, beating Santos 4-0 in the final. And it seems the drubbing opened the eyes of Neymar, who won the tournament's Bronze Ball award (Leo Messi and Xavi took the gold and silver, naturally), as to what he's missing out on by resigning with Santos instead of chasing Barcelona's offer. From Soccernet : "It's impossible to stop Barcelona, but we are the second-best team in the world and for us that is a great reward," Neymar said. By that logic, Al Sadd, who finished third in the tournament (and also lost 4-0 to Barca) are the third best team in the world. I'm sure that's news to them, as well as a number of clubs across Europe. It will be interesting to see if Neymar changes his mind after this brush with greatness. He now knows first hand just how much better the competition is in Europe compared to Brazil, something he's seemed to understate to this point. Then, again he d