Artur Borucs Friday Rage List

AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:

1. QUESTIONS -- STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS UNLESS THEY ARE ABOUT HEADBUTTING AIRPLANES OR MY ATTEMPTS TO MAKE WINE USING NOTHING BUT PAINT THINNER AND DVDS!!!!!!!!!!! ALSO YOUR LOW-ANGLE SHOT IS PROBABLY MAKING ME LOOK LIKE A MONSTER!!!!!!!!!! DON'T DO THAT!!!!!!!!!! I TOOK A FILM CLASS AND I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!!!!!!!!!

2. MARIO BALOTELLI SCORING WITH HIS SHOULDER -- THAT IS INCREDIBLY DISRESPECTFUL!!!!!!!!! EVERYONE KNOWS THAT SHOULDERS SHOULD ONLY BE USED TO CRUSH NUTS AND SUPPORT COLORFUL BIRDS THAT REPEAT EVERYTHING YOU SAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH CRUSHING A NUT WITH YOUR SHOULDER WHILE THERE'S A BIRD ON IT CAN HAVE DISASTROUS RESULTS THOUGH!!!!!!!!!! DON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE I DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3. LITTLE KID WITH A BEER -- YOUNG CHILDREN SHOULD NEVER BEER!!!!!!!!!!! NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY ALWAYS PASS OUT AFTER FIVE OR SIX SHOTS OF VODKA AND THEN YOU HAVE TO STOP PLAYING MONOPOLY BEFORE THE GAME REALLY GETS GOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH BALTIC AVENUE WAS GOING TO BE MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. CORN -- YES!!!!!!!!! YESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!! HUNGARY IS LISTENING TO ME AND DESTROYING THE CORN!!!!!!!!!!! NOW IF THEY JUST TAKE MY ADVICE ON REPLACING PEOPLE'S HANDS WITH! FLAME T HROWERS THEY'LL BE ON TO SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!

5. ANDY CARROLL'S FIFA 12 KISSING SESSION -- HAHAHAHAHA THAT IS THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT IF THEY HAD HIM KISSING ME IT WOULD NOT BE FUNNY AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!! NOT AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU CAN CALL THAT A DOUBLE STANDARD IF YOU WANT BUT IF YOU DO I WILL DROPKICK YOUR TONGUE INTO A PARKING GARAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!

6. DIDIER DROGBA CRYING OVER MOURINHO -- NOTHING MAKES ME CRY!!!!!!!! NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!! THE LITTLE MERMAID USED TO BUT I'VE WATCHED IT SO MANY TIMES NOW THAT I CAN USUALLY HOLD IT TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!! SOMETIMES I GET TEARY WHEN I THINK ABOUT FLOUNDER WHILE I'M EATING FISH BUT THAT DOESN'T COUNT!!!!!!!!! THAT DOESN'T COUNT!!!!!!!!

7. ANALYZING MESSI AND RONALDO'S AUTOGRAPHS -- YOU CAN'T TELL ANYTHING ABOUT A PERSON JUST FROM THEIR SIGNATURE!!!!!!!! THAT'S STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHEN PEOPLE ASK FOR MY AUTOGRAPH I SCREAM AT THEIR PAPER UNTIL IT TURNS INTO A STAINED GLASS PICTURE OF THE POPE ARM WRESTLING A HEROIN ADDICTED PANDA BEAR!!!!!!!!!!!! ONE TIME IT TOOK 45 MINUTES!!!!!!!! THAT WAS SO ANNOYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8. RONALDINHO'S CROTCH DANCE -- THIS IS VULGAR!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF YOU WANT TO STICK IT TO OPPOSING FANS WHO ARE TAUNTING YOU THE BEST THING TO DO IS BEAT THEIR TEAM ON THE PITCH!!!!!!!!! AND THEN AFTER YOU DO THAT YOU GO TO EACH ONE OF THEIR HOUSES A! ND PUT D EAD BATTERIES IN ALL OF THEIR REMOTE CONTROLS!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY WILL NEVER RECOVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI -- SO I WAS BUILDING A CHRISTMAS TREE OUT OF BARBED WIRE AND FEELINGS OF VENGEFUL HAPPINESS WHEN I SAW MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI HAD PUT AN IMPRESSIVE AMOUNT OF LIGHTS ON THE OUTSIDE OF HIS HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS MADE ME JEALOUS AND ANGRY BECAUSE HE WAS WASTING ELECTRICITY SO I JUMPED OUT OF MY WINDOW THEN I DID A BARREL ROLL THEN I PUNCHED THE SIDE OF HIS HOUSE SO HARD THAT PROBABLY MADE THE FOUNDATION WISH IT HAD NEVER BEEN BUILT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AFTER A FEW HOURS OF DOING THAT DAN FINALLY CAME OUT OF HIS HOUSE AND ASKED IF I LIKED HIS LIGHT DISPLAY!!!!!!!!!! I SAID "IT'S BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!" BUT I SAID IT IN A WAY SO HE WOULD KNOW THAT I AM ONLY GOING TO BUY HIM A CHRISTMAS PRESENT IF I CAN FIND SOMETHING HE WILL LIKE THAT'S ON SALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AFTER WE TALKED FOR A WHILE HE WENT BACK INSIDE AND I SET MY HOUSE ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BEAT THAT DAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!