Cologne manager wants fans to father children in the stands

Tired of fans engaging in violence and dangerous amateur pyrotechnics shows at football matches, Cologne manager Holger Stanislawski has made a plea, urging them to have unprotected sex in the stadium instead.

Cologne fans engulfed the RheinEnergieStadion in thick black smoke and stormed the pitch after their side was relegated from the Bundesliga last season. But if Stanislawski had his way, that would've been a giant, baby-making orgy instead.

He toldBild:

"I want people to really cheer in the stadium, swear, mourn, to lie in each other's arms or father children in the stands. But please, no violence and no flares!"

In related news, Dimitar Berbatov just demanded a transfer to Cologne.