DT Exclusive: Ask Kaka (Clasico preview edition)

The chaos of yet another Clasico will soon be upon us and in anticipation of that earth-trembling event, Kaka has once again visited a group of school children to answer their questions. The following is a transcript of that session.

Kaka: Good morning, beautiful children! I am so excited to be here with you so close to such an important match. I can't wait to answer your questions, so please ask anything you like! Who's first?

Bruce: Hi, Kaka. I'm Bruce and I'm nine and a half. Do you think you can beat Barcelona?

Kaka: Good question, Bruce! We're certainly going to try. We did it last year in the Copa del Rey final, so we are confident that we can do it again. I hope we can! Who has another question?

Tammi: Hi, Kaka. I'm Tammi and I like corn. It's been a few days since your last injury. Do you think you'll get hurt again soon? Do you think your neck will explode?

Kaka: Oh my! I- I hope not. Why would my neck explode? No, I feel very good right now, Tammi. I'm ready for the match this weekend. My neck definitely will not explode. Does anyone else have a question?

Jamie: Hi, Kaka. I'm Jamie and I have two dogs. If Cristiano Ronaldo loses the Ballon d'Or to Xavi or Messi, will you ask Jesus to give them food poisoning?

Kaka: Of course not! I would never do that and neither would Jesus. I would love to see Cristiano win the award, but Xavi and Lionel are also deserving of it. So, no, I would ! not ask Jesus to give them food poisoning.

Danny: Hi, Kaka. I'm Danny and I love Real Madrid. Do you think Jose Mourinho will finally stab Pep Guardiola with a homemade knife on Saturday?

Kaka: Wow- I...I think you children are a little too excited for this match. I know there has been a lot of tension between Real and Barca over the last few years, but we must remember that it's just a game, children. Please don't forget that. It's supposed to be fun! And joyous! Now who has the next question?

Pamela: Hi, Kaka. My name is Pamela and my mom remembers when you won the Ballon d'Or. She said that if Real Madrid can't beat Barcelona this time, she's going to give my brother a Sergio Busquets shirt for Christmas and make me live in the freezer. We both can't stop crying since she said that. Please don't make that happen, Kaka.

Kaka: Oh wow- wow I...I don't know what to say. That's not a question, but why would your mother do that to your brother? I promise we will try our best to win, but I'm sure she wouldn't do something that terrible to him even if we don't. I hope. I think maybe we should stop soon. So...does anyone have a question that won't make me feel sad inside?

Ron: Hi Kaka, I'm Ron and I talk to fish. What do you want for Christmas?

Kaka: That's a great question, Ron! I really want...I really want...hmm, this is very strange, children, but my neck feels odd...

Tammi: I told you! I told you!

Kaka: Jesus.

[Kaka's neck explodes]