The uneventful life of a retired footballer

I'm Bert Tiddle as well as you've never listened of me. we played with Sam Allardyce during Coventry in 1984. Every day during lunch, he would punch me in the behind of the conduct whilst we tried to eat my soup, causing me to spit it all over myself as well as gash my mustache with the spoon. And every time he did it, he would laugh similar to the mental patient. Sam Allardyce is the twunt. But the loveably twunt.

Things have not been pleasant during Tiddle Manor these final few days. Old Bert has been absolutely irate ever since we listened the headlines about my pal Sam removing sacked by those chicken farmers who own Blackburn now. Plus, we only tried to order an adult module off the radio as well as the foolish thing won't work. Great. Now, we have to get Cirrhosis, the youngest of my eighteen kids, to show me how to do this again.

What did we contend only final week? Football bar owners are the worst. The comprehensive worst. What did Sam do to deserve this shock? And right prior to Christmas, no less. we occur to know for the fact which he was planning on shopping everyone during which bar illusory gifts for the holiday -- really amazing gifts similar to loads of cheap beer as well as cigarettes with the filters cut off -- though right away he's not. Because giving people things when you've been worked over is not what Yuletide is about. Sure, he's removing a1.5 million payout, though that's chump change to male similar to Big Sam. Do we know how most he spends on T-shirt with his face on them alone? More than we have in the year.

Anyway, it's not about the income to him. That male is the healthy born leader. we once saw him tell his entire squad which he was improved than all of them combine as well as which they're lucky he lets them have eye hit with his dog. His dog is called Dog Sam, by the way. It's the b! eautiful , slobbering animal. That's not the point, though. The indicate is which there are bigger as well as improved things in store for Big Sam Allardyce. Replace Jim Mourinho during Real Madrid? Randy Benitez during Inter Milan? Maybe. Or may be he'll spin around the crud group similar to West Ham as well as blow everyone's minds.

It's your loss, chicken farmers. I'm going to change my shirt.

Photo: Reuters

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