The uneventful life of a retired footballer

I'm Bert Tiddle as well as you've never listened of me. On Boxing Day 1987, we scored an own goal upon Steve Ogrizovic given he got me a worst Christmas gift we have ever received -- a gold watch with my name engraved upon it. How am we ostensible to guaranty that, Steve? How? Steve Ogrizovic is a numpty.

It's which tedious time during a end of a year between Christmas as well as New Year's. I'm trapped in a residence with a kids as well as all their stupid brand new toys as well as a garland of kin who we would similar to to report as deceased. we keep flipping by a channels, though a media can't be worried to entertain us with brand new things around this time, so they just go back over all a things they talked about incessantly over a final year.

Anyway, we had nothing improved to do, so we decided to put together a many appropriate quotes of a final year. But given no a single can remember what they pronounced final week, let alone what other people pronounced twelve months ago, here have been a quotes of a year which we just came up with:

"Joe Cole? Who's Joe Cole?" -- Bert Tiddle

"If Barcelona were smart, they'd make which Leonard Messi a goalkeeper." -- Bert Tiddle

"People who wear raincoats have been many expected kid murderers." -- Bert Tiddle

"If England had those Spanish players, they would've won a World Cup." -- Bert Tiddle

"Just given we say you're a single of my 18 kids doesn't mean we really are. Five-year-olds can be liars, too." -- Bert Tiddle

"Sam Allardyce is as well good for a Premier League as well as we am honored to let him black out upon my cot four or five nights a week." -- Bert Tiddle

"The actuality which an octopus could rightly envision a result of every football match as well as hu! mans can 't shows how dumb we really are." -- Bert Tiddle

"Wade Rooney is washed up as a footballer. He should run a strip club as well as let me eat during a smorgasboard for free." -- Bert Tiddle

"Man City have as well most income for their own good. After we won which allotment when we lost a tip part of my index finger in my second freak vending appurtenance accident, we lost a little of a income upon purpose so we wouldn't buy as well most invalid junk with it. Man City should do that." -- Bert Tiddle

"Someone needs to begin a company as well as wage war FIFA headquarters. Harry Redknapp is which someone." -- Bert Tiddle

Those have been a many appropriate quotes of 2010. If we disagree, we don't really care. I'm going to bake a giant biscuit.

Photo: Getty Images

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