Artur Boruc's Friday Rage List

AHHHHHHHHHH we AM ARTUR BORUC AND SINCE THIS IS NEW YEAR'S we WILL NOT BE LOOKING BACK IN ANGER WITH A RAGE LIST we WILL AHEAD IN FURY WITH A RESOLUTION'S LIST!!!!!!!!!!!

1. TO STOP DRINKING PAINT THINNER UNTIL we BLACK OUT FOR DAYS AT A TIME -- I'M STARTING TO REALIZE THAT THIS IS KIND OF A PROBLEM!!!!!!!! AT FIRST IT WAS FUN BUT NOW IT'S SERIOUSLY CUTTING INTO TIME we COULD SPEND PUNCHING THINGS OR THROWING STUFF AT OLD PEOPLE!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH THOSE ARE VALUABLE EXPERIENCES THAT we CAN'T KEEP MISSING OUT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. TO BE NICER TO MICE -- LAST WEEK we STEPPED ON A MOUSE'S TAIL AND IT SQUEAKED AND INSTANTLY FELT BAD ABOUT IT!!!!!!!! we WANTED TO APOLOGIZE BUT we WASN'T SURE IF MICE CAN UNDERSTAND EXPRESSIONS OF HEARTFELT REGRET!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHY MUST INTERSPECIES RELATIONS BE SO DIFFICULT?!?!?!?!!!

3. TO FINALLY HUNT DOWN EDUARDO AND MAKE HIS ANKLE BONE POP OUT OF HIS BUM -- we ADMIT we HAVE BEEN SLACKING ON THIS ONE FOR A WHILE NOW!!!!!!!!!! TOO MUCH TIME HAS PASSED SINCE HIS EVIL DIVE AGAINST ME IN THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE AND MY SUBSEQUENT PROMISE TO MAKE HIM PAY BY FORCING HIS ANKLE BONE TO POP OUT OF HIS BUM BUT we WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN IN 2011!!!!!!!!! we HAVE BEEN PRACTICING MY TECHNIQUE ON CHICKENS AND we THINK we HAVE IT DOWN!!!!!!!!!!! I'M COMING FOR YOU EDUARDO!!!!!!!!! AND YOUR BONE STRUCTURE BETTER BE EXTREMELY SIMILAR TO THAT OF A CHICKEN!!!!!!!!

4. TO MAKE FURTHER STRIDES IN THE ERADICATION OF THE CORN MENACE -- CORN COULD VERY EASILY ENSLAVE ALL OF HUMANITY IN 2011 IF WE'RE NOT CAREFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE MUST REMAIN VIGILANT AND DROPKICK ANYONE WHO INGESTS THIS DEVIL VEGGIE!!!!!!!!!

5. TO BETTER UNDERSTAND WHAT MAKES ANDREI ARSHAVIN TICK -- HE IS A FREAKY LITTLE MUNCHKIN AND we AM TIRED OF CHECKING UNDER MY BED FOR HIM BEFORE we GO TO SLEEEP!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH STAY AWAY FROM MY NIGHTMARES ! ANDREI A RSHAVIN!!!!!!!!!!

6. TO STOP DESTROYING MY TELEVISIONS -- IT IS SO SATISFYING TO SLAM YOUR FOREHEAD THROUGH A GIANT FLAT-PANEL TV WHEN SOMETHING ANGERS YOU BUT IT IS SO ANNOYING HAVING TO BUY A NEW ONE AND EXPLAIN TO THE PIMPLY KID AT THE SHOP THAT THE BLOOD DRIPPING FROM YOUR FACE AND THE REASON YOU NEED YET ANOTHER NEW TELEVISION ARE DIRECTLY RELATED!!!!!!!!!!!! HE ALWAYS LAUGHS AND IT IS SO DEMORALIZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7. TO FINALLY MEET TAYLOR SWIFT -- AHHHHHHHHI RELATE TO HER MUSIC SO MUCH AND we FEEL LIKE SHE IS THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD WHO REALLY GETS ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF YOU FIND ANY PART OF THAT FUNNY THEN we WILL STAPLE YOUR NECK TO YOUR NECK!!!!!!!!!!!!

8. TO BE NICER TO MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI AND HIS GOOBER KIDS -- we GIVE DAN A LOT OF ATTITUDE AND I'VE THROWN HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES THROUGH HIS SECOND FLOOR WINDOWS AT LEAST EIGHT OR NINE HUNDRED TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!! HIS GOOBER KIDS ARE AWFUL AND THEY ARE THE PRIME EXAMPLE OF WHY HUMANS SHOULD BE FORBIDDEN FROM REPRODUCING!!!!!!!!!!!!! STILL THEY ARE ESSENTIALLY NICE PEOPLE AND we SHOULD BE NICER TO THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH THAT DOESN'T MEAN I'M ACTUALLY GOING TO THOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THESE ARE MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS THAT we HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO INTENTION OF STICKING TO. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!!!! GOD BLESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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