Artur Boruc's Friday Rage List

AHHHHHHHH we AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:

1. WESLEY SNEIJDER GETTING EXCLUDED FROM THE BALLON D'OR SHORTLIST -- I'M SICK OF DESERVING PEOPLE GETTING EXCLUDED FROM CONSIDERATION FOR THIS AWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!! we WROTE SEVERAL LETTERS TO FIFA IN MY OWN BLOOD STATING HOW MUCH TAYLOR SWIFT DESERVES TO WIN THE BALLON D'OR AND SHE DIDN'T MAKE THE SHORTLIST EITHER!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH IT'S SO NOT FAIR!!!!!!! HER MUSIC SPEAKS TO ME IN A WAY THAT IS BOTH EUPHORIC AND VIOLENT!!!!!!!!!

2. THE WORLD CUP NOT MAKING ENOUGH MONEY FOR SOUTH AFRICA -- we KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN!!!!!!!!! IF THEY HAD EVEN ONE BOOTH WHERE YOU COULD SMASH A TELEVISION WITH A HAMMER THEY WOULD HAVE MADE A LOT MORE MONEY!!!!!!!!!! WHO DOESN'T WANT TO SMASH A TELEVISION WITH A HAMMER?!?!?!?!??!! NO ONE!!!!!!!! NO ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3. YOUNGA-MOUHANI SNAPPING MATIAS CONCHA'S LEG -- SNAPPING PEOPLE'S LEGS IS NOT HOW YOU GET IN THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT!!!!!!!! THIS IS ONLY SOMETHING YOU DO IF THEY ASK YOU TO!!!!!!!!! I'M HOPING SOMEONE ASKS ME TO DO IT SOON BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE THE MOST FUN CHRISTMAS PRESENT TO GIVE EVER!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO WRAP IT!!!!!!!!!!!

4. CORN -- A LOT OF YOU HAVE BEEN SENDING ME THAT PICTURE OF KIM JONG IL HOLDING AN EAR OF CORN AND SAYING IT'S PROOF THAT CORN IS EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!! WELL NO DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT HAVE we BEEN TELLING YOU ALL THIS TIME?!?!?!?!?!??!?! KIM JONG IL IS JUST ACTING ON BEHALF OF THE CORN OVERLORDS!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY MADE HIM WEAR THAT STUPID HAT JUST SO THEY COULD LAUGH AT HIM!!!!!!! AND YES CORN CAN LAUGH!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH IT'S SO AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!!

5. SANDER BOSCHKER'S WHIFF -- WE'RE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!! WHEN we DID THIS we WAS SO ANGRY THAT we WENT HOME AND PUNCHED 10 DIFFERENT STUFFED ANIMALS IN THE FACE!!!!!!!!! THAT MA! DE ME FE EL EVEN WORSE THOUGH SO we APOLOGIZED TO ALL OF THEM AND THAT BEGAN THE HEALING PROCESS!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!!!!!!!

6. HAMZA BOUDLAL'S WEAK SCORPION KICK -- THIS IS THE DUMBEST THING we HAVE EVER SEEN!!!!!!!!! NOT ONLY DID HE RISK ALLOWING A GOAL WITH THIS STUPID TRICK MOVE BUT HE COULDN'T EVEN DO IT RIGHT!!!!!!!!! IF YOU CAN'T DO IT RIGHT DON'T DO IT AT ALL!!!!!!! THAT'S WHAT we ALWAYS SAY BEFORE DROPKICKING A STREET SIGN INTO THE NEXT DIMENSION!!!!!!!!!!

7. PAINT THINNER -- we HATE WHEN DRINKING PAINT THINNER MAKES YOUR TONGUE GO NUMB AND CAUSES YOU TO LOSE CONSCIOUSNESS!!!!!!!!! NOTHING IS WORSE THAN THAT!!!!!!!!!!! AND DON'T TELL ME TO JUST DRINK IT FASTER!!!!!!! I'VE TRIED THAT AND IT DOESN'T WORK!!!!!!!! SO STOP PUSHING YOUR BAD IDEAS ON ME!!!!!!!!!!!

8. NORWICH DEFROSTING THEIR PITCH WITH FLAMETHROWERS -- AHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS IS SO AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!! ONE TIME we TRIED TO USE A FLAMETHROWER DURING A MATCH BUT THE REFEREE CONFISCATED IT FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!! AND THEN HE TOLD ME IT WAS ACTUALLY A BOTTLE OF HAND SANITIZER AND NOT A FLAMETHROWER!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH we WAS DRINKING A LOT OF PAINT THINNER AT THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI -- SO we WAS TRYING TO SNEAK ATTACK MYSELF WITH A STUN GUN WHEN we HEARD A KNOCK ON MY DOOR!!!!!!! BEFORE we EVEN ANSWERED IT we KNEW IT WAS GOING TO BE MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI AND HIS TWO GOOBER KIDS SHOWING UP UNINVITED TO ANNOY ME TO THE POINT OF WANTING TO HEADBUTT THEM ALL IN THE PANCREAS!!!!!!!!! AND GUESS WHAT?!??!??!?! IT WAS MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI AND HIS TWO GOOBER KIDS SHOWING UP UNINVITED TO ANNOY ME TO THE POINT OF WANTING TO HEADBUTT THEM ALL IN THE PANCREAS!!!!!!!!! DAN SAID THAT SINCE we HELPED THEM MOVE TO ITALY AND LET THEM LIVE NEXT DOOR TO ME AGAIN AND HELPED HIM GET A NEW JOB THEY WANTED TO GET ME A SPECIAL CHRISTMAS PRESENT THIS YEAR!!!!!!!!!!! we SAID "THAT'S VERY NICE BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO!!!!!!!" BUT we SAID IT IN A WAY SO THEY WOULD KNOW THAT YES THEY R! EALLY DO HAVE TO!!!!!!!!!! THEY ASKED ME WHAT we WANTED SO we TOLD THEM THAT IF we TOLD THEM WHAT TO GET ME IT WOULD RUIN THE SURPRISE AND DEFEAT THE PURPOSE!!!!!!!!! THEN we SLAMMED THE DOOR IN THEIR STUPID FACES AND JUMPED OUT OF A WINDOW ON THE FAR SIDE OF THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH we REALLY HOPE THEY GET ME A SOAP CARVING OF ME AND TAYLOR SWIFT HAVING A TEA PARTY TOGETHER AND LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!

Photo: ACF Fiorentina/Violachannel.tv

Soccer Betting Tips - News | Odds | Scores | Picks | Preview | Prediction