DT Exclusive: Man Citys negotiation with Owen Hargreaves

It seems Owen Hargreaves' series of YouTube training videos to prove his fitness has finally worked as Man City had him undergo a medical on Tuesday. If City offer him a contract, he will be the latest player to switch from Man United to Man City, following Carlos "Welcome to Manchester" Tevez. The following is a transcript of Hargreaves' negotiations with City executive Garry Cook.

Cook: Owen, I have the results of your medical here.

Hargreaves: Yeah? How'd I do? I'm in the best shape of my life.

Cook: It says you have the body of an 87-year-old car crash victim riddled with scurvy. And that you're legally dead.

Hargreaves: Is that good?

Cook: No. But the great news is that we hate United so much that willing to overlook this so we can use you against them.

Hargreaves: Use me how?

Cook: Well, we were hoping you would be able to actually play football, but we are prepared to just give you a kit, put you on a billboard and maybe catapult your mangled body at Wayne Rooney from time to time. How does that sound?

Hargreaves: Amazing!

Cook: Good, good. Now for the matter of money. What kind of wages are you looking for, Owen?

Hargreaves: Well, I offered to play for United for free, so with City, I would only ask for....250,000 a week?

Cook: That's certainly reasonable. I think we might be able to work something out here that benefits all of us. Except U! nited, b ecause we hate them so much. Really. We really, really, really hate them.

Hargreaves: OK.

Cook: Oh, one last question that I was told I have to ask all potential signings now -- do you like the city of Manchester and are you aware that it has more than two restaurants?

Hargreaves: Yes, I love Manchester. But I can't say I know too much about the restaurants. I usually just eat at Hospital. They've had a few head chef changes over the last few years, but their feeding tubes are consistently delicious.

Cook: O...K. Well, I'm confident we'll be able to work something out here, Owen. You'll be hearing from us very soon.

Hargreaves: Excellent! Also, my arm just fell off.