Artur Borucs Friday Rage List
AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:
1. MY HANDS HOVERING AROUND MY HIPS -- THIS IS HOW YOU KNOW I AM REALLY ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M EVEN TOO ANGRY TO ACTUALLY TOUCH MY OWN HIPS IN A SHOW DISAPPROVAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I ONCE TRIED TO HOVER STRANGLE SOMEONE BUT THEY JUST LAUGHED AT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. MARIO BALOTELLI'S FIREWORKS HOUSE FIRE -- STOP STEALING THE THINGS I DO!!!!!!!!!! I INVENTED SETTING YOUR HOUSE ON FIRE BY SHOOTING FIREWORKS OUT OF THE BATHROOM WINDOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY ARE YOU GETTING FAMOUS FOR SOMETHING I DO ALL THE TIME?!?!?!?!? IF YOU EVER STEAL MY IDEA FOR AN ALTERNATIVE ENERGY SOURCE THAT INVOLVES HEADBUTTING A COW TO GENERATE POWER I WILL HOVER STRANGLE YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!
3. MARIO BALOTELLI'S "WHY ALWAYS ME?" SHIRT -- IF I EVER SCORE A GOAL I WILL FINALLY REVEAL MY CELEBRATORY SHIRT THAT SAYS "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" THERE ARE SO MANY EXCLAMATION MARKS ON IT THAT THEY EVEN COVER THE BACK OF THE SHIRT AND RUN ALL DOWN MY LEG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4. CORN -- MY OFFICIAL WEBSITE HAS VANISHED!!!!!!!!!!! VANISHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS IS THE CORN'S LATEST ATTEMPT TO KEEP ME FROM SPREADING THE WORD ABOUT ITS CONSPIRACY FOR WORLD DOMINATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT OR SOMEONE FORGOT TO PAY MY HOSTING FEE! S!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!! EITHER WAY I HAVE KIDNAPPED AN EAR OF CORN AND I WILL PUNCH IT IN ITS STUPID EVIL KERNELS UNTIL MY SITE IS FULLY RESTORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5. PUNCHING A REFEREE IN THE FACE AND THEN RETIRING -- PUNCHING A LIVING THING THAT ISN'T CORN IS AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!!! AWFUL!!!!!!!!! THE WORLD'S REFEREES NEED A VIGILANTE TO DEAL OUT A HARSH REVENGE EVERY TIME THEY ARE ASSAULTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WOULD BE THAT VIGILANTE BUT I'M VERY BUSY WITH MY COW HEADBUTT ENGERGY IDEA RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH YOU HAVE TO KNOW YOUR LIMITATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6. DOG INTERRUPTING A COPA SUDAMERICANA MATCH -- RUN LIKE THE WIND DOGGY!!!!!!!!!!!! RUN LIKE THE WIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!
7. THE DRUNK REFEREE -- ONE TIME I DRANK A BUNCH OF PAINT THINNER RIGHT BEFORE PLAYING A MATCH!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT IT BUT I'M PRETTY SURE I PLAYED GREAT THAT DAY!!!!!!!!!!!! I DID WAKE UP IN A PUBLIC BATHROOM IN MACAU THOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT I HAD NEVER BEEN THERE BEFORE SO I'M NOT COMPLAINING!!!!!!!!!!!
8. MESSI'S MOTHER CHASING HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND WITH A FRYING PAN -- AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I WANT TO HANG OUT WITH THIS LADY!!!!!!!!!!!
9. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI -- SO LAST NIGHT I WENT TO MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI'S HALLOWEEN PARTY!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!!! I WENT DRESSED AS SOMEONE WHO IS GOING TO HEAVEN SO I JUST WORE MY NORMAL CLOTH! ES!!!!!! !!!!!!!! I ALSO HAD AN EYEBALL DANGLING OUT OF THE SOCKET BUT THAT WAS AN INJURY UNRELATED TO HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!!! WHEN I GOT THERE DAN'S GOOBER KIDS RAN UP TO ME AND ASKED ME TO GUESS WHAT THEY WERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS DIFFICULT TO TELL MOSTLY BECAUSE OF MY EYE CONDITION BUT I GUESSED THEY WERE JUSTIN BIEBER AND A RAINBOW TROUT!!!!!!!!!!! THEY SAID THAT I GUESSED WRONG SO I SCREAMED AND JUMPED THROUGH THEIR DINING ROOM WINDOW!!!!!!!!!!!! IN HINDSIGHT THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN A OVERREACTION!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I HOPE DAN HATES THE STAINED GLASS WINDOW DEPICTING HIS FAMILY ON THE TITANIC LONG BEFORE IT HIT THE ICEBERG I GOT TO REPLACE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!
Photo: ViolaChannel
Comments
Post a Comment