Future News: Country rages after Messi fails to heal Demichelis injury

Argentina defender Martin Demichelis sustained a frightening head injury during a Wednesday training session when he collided with teammate Marco Rojo. His teammates gathered around as medical staff stabilized his neck with a brace before Demichelis eventually walked under his own power to a nearby ambulance.

Despite the encouraging conclusion to the incident, many Argentina supporters were left furious by the fact that the team's superstar, Lionel Messi, did not use his perceived supernatural powers to heal Demichelis as soon as the collision took place.

"It is a proven fact that Messi has magical powers," said one irate Argentina fan. "Yet he did nothing to help Demichelis! Nothing! He is a disgrace to Argentina! And a disgrace to magical wizards!"

Messi has been the subject of vocal criticism among both the local media and the fans for going 16 official matches -- seven in World Cup qualifiers, five in the 2010 World Cup and four in the Copa America -- without a goal for his country, despite being a prolific scorer for Barcelona over the same period.

Another supporter addressed the constant comparisons Messi faces in his homeland: "Maradona would have healed Martin immediately. He would've used his hands, his powders -- whatever he had to. Instead, Messi stands there and contributes nothing. I can't even remember the last time Messi pulled an endless string of handkerchiefs out of his pocket or parted a large body of water. I'm starting to think he is not made of pixie dust and angel giggles, after all."

Demonstrations against Messi's humanity are expected to continue until he satisfies the public's lofty demands by either turning water ! into cog nac or winning a World Cup with Carlos Tevez as a teammate.

Photo: AP