News from the Future: FIFA launches Corruption is Cool campaign

"Everybody is doing it!" laughed FIFA president Sepp Blatter at a press conference to announce the governing body's latest initiative to convince the public that corruption is actually a good thing. Assembled as a response to bribery allegations against Asian Football Confederation leader Mohamed bin Hammam and FIFA vice president Jack Warner, as well as their retaliatory bribery allegations against Blatter and several other top FIFA officials, the men joined together to launch the "Corruption is Cool" campaign.

"Look," Blatter said as he propped his feet up on the table, "we took an inventory and discovered that everyone at FIFA -- even the janitors -- are corrupt in some way. And since we don't have to answer to anyone and our sponsors couldn't care less, we decided that it would be easier to convince the people that corruption is what's best for football than to end the good thing we have going here. So, the 'Corruption is Cool' campaign will be in the same vein as our campaign against racism and homophobia. Except this one we will actually act on."

When asked how the janitors could possibly be corrupt, Blatter said that they admitted to cleaning some offices and private bathrooms at FIFA's Zurich headquarters better than others in exchange for honorary titles such as "Knight of the Round Ball" and "Duke of Peleville."

Blatter outlined several programs that will be a part of the new campaign, including "Kickback Camps" -- where children will be taught how to properly solicit a bribe and how to make it appear as if they're helping others when they're really just lining their own pock! ets.

"This will be our greatest legacy," Blatter concluded. "One day, all of the world's children will be playing football and taking bribes in harmony with each other."

Photo: Getty