Artur Borucs Friday Rage List

AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:

1. WAYNE ROONEY'S CHEST HAIR -- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!??!??!!? I DON'T CARE WHAT PATTERNS YOU SHAVE YOUR CHEST HAIR INTO BUT OHMYGOD DO NOT POST PICTURES OF IT ON THE INTERNET!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I ONCE SHAVED MY CHEST HAIR INTO THE SHAPE OF A PANTHER DRESSED AS AN OLD TIMEY GOLFER BUT I DIDN'T PUT PICTURES OF IT ON THE INTERNET DID I?!?!?!? DID I?!?!?!?!?!?

2. KEVIN-PRINCE BOATENG'S MICHAEL JACKSON DANCE -- THIS IS NOT IMPRESSIVE!!!!!!!!!!! I PROMISED MY TEAMMATES THAT IF WE WON THE SCUDETTO I WOULD DRESS LIKE TAYLOR SWIFT AND SING HER INTERNATIONAL SMASH HIT "FIFTEEN"!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH THIS IS PROBABLY WHY FIORENTINA DID NOT WIN THE SCUDETTO THIS SEASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3. MAARTEN STEKELENBURG DROPPING AJAX'S TROPHY OFF A BUS -- GOOD JOB STEKELENBURG!!!!!!!!!!!! DROPPING A TROPHY OFF THE TOP OFF A BUS MAKES US GOALKEEPERS LOOK REALLY GOOD!!!!!!!!!! AND IN CASE YOU CAN'T TELL BY MY TONE OF SCREAMING I AM BEING VIOLENTLY SARCASTIC WHEN I SAY THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH THAT MEANS I THINK YOU'RE AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!!

4. CORN -- IF THE WORLD DOESN'T END ON SATURDAY THEN WE MUST FINALLY COME TOGETHER AND ELIMINATE THE CORN MENACE ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT IF THE WORLD DOES END ON SATURDAY THEN WE OBVIOUSLY DON'T HAVE TO!!!!!!!!!!!

5. CRUZ AZUL GOALKEEPER HEADBUTTING OPPOSING COACH -- HEADBUTTS ARE NOT AN ACCEPTABLE WAY TO SETTLE A DISPUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY ARE ONLY ACCEPTABLE WAYS TO OPEN A DOOR ANSWER THE TELEPHONE OR EXPRESS YOUR UNDYING LOVE AND AFFECTION FOR ANOTHER HUMAN BEING!!!!!!!!!!

6. BARCELONA PLAYERS THROWING PEPPERS AT FANS -- WHEN THEY DO IT EVERYONE LOVES IT BUT WHEN I THROW BOTTLES OF TABASCO SAUCE AT OLD PEOPLE IN THE LIBRARY I GET MY LIBRARY CARD REVOKED!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO READ THE NOVELIZATION OF THE LITTLE MERMAID NOW?!?!!?!?!?!?!?

7. COINS -- WHY DO THEY MAKE THEM SO EASY TO SWALLOW?!?!?!?!??! IT'S ANNOYING!!!!!!!!!!! LAST WEEK ALONE I PASSED 18 EUROS IN COINS!!!!!!!!!!

8. KICKING PEOPLE IN THE FACE -- AS SOMEONE WHO HAS KICKED THEMSELVES IN THE FACE MANY TIMES I CAN TELL YOU THAT IT IS NOT AN ENJOYABLE EXPERIENCE!!!!!!!! AT ALL!!!!!!!!!! AND NO I DON'T KNOW WHY I KEEP DOING IT SO DON'T EVEN ASK!!!!!!!!!!!!

9. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI -- SO I WAS HEADBUTTING MY PHONE TO TRY AND CALL MY FRIEND STEFANO ON MONDAY WHEN MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI CAME OVER UNINVITED!!!!!!!!! AGAIN!!!!!!!!! HE ASKED ME IF I WAS OK WITH BEING BACK ON THE BENCH FOR FIORENTINA NOW THAT SEBASTIEN FREY IS BACK FROM HIS STUPID INJURY!!!!!!!! I SAID "WHAT DO YOU THINK DAN?!?!?!?!?!?!" BUT I SAID IT IN A WAY THAT MASKED MY INTENSE ANGER WITH EVEN MORE INTENSE ANGER!!!!!!!!!!! DAN THEN ASKED ME IF I THOUGHT I WOULD GO TO ANOTHER TEAM NEXT SEASON!!!!!!!!!!! I SAID "I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!! I MIGHT JUST BECOME A PROFESSIONAL CIGAR EATER INSTEAD!!!!!!!! DAN SAID THAT HE DIDN'T THINK THAT WAS A RE! AL PROFE SSION BUT IF I EVER NEEDED TO TALK HE WOULD BE THERE FOR ME!!!!!!!! I SAID "THANK YOU DAN!!!!!!" AND THEN I THREW MYSELF THROUGH THE NEAREST WINDOW!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH I HOPE SOMEONE TAKES ADVANTAGE OF DAN'S GENEROUS NATURE IN A WAY THAT IS KIND OF ANNOYING FOR HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!

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