Random musings of footballers before they fall asleep

Lionel Messi

Hahaha I stole Pique's face hair. ... I hope Shakira doesn't think I'm him and try to kiss me. ... Kissing is gross. ... This Pique beard is itchy. Maybe that's why he bleeds all the time. ... I really hope we beat Manchester United. ... I can't believe Pep promised to buy me all the Lego Pirates of the Caribbean playsets if we do. ... The boat is going to be so much fun. ... I can't wait to play with the boat. ... And give Pique his beard back...

Sir Alex Ferguson

SAY "GIGGS" AND I WILL BAN YOU FROM LIVING

Xavi

We must win for the good of football. ... We must win for the good of mankind. ... We must win for the good of the plants and the animals and whatever lives in Puyol's hair. ... We are football. Everyone else is anti-football. ... Including Gandhi, the Dutch and whoever invented balls used for sport. ... I'm trying so hard to shoot laser beams out of my eyes that I think I might pass out.

Wayne Rooney

It's time for the whats! ... First, I'm going to score a goal against Barcelona so awesome that it will make old people's heads explode. F***ing what! ... Then, I'm going to be those Barcelona elves so bad that they run all the way back to the North Pole. F***ing what! ... Then, I'm going to teach my son how to karate kick a watermelon. F***ing what! ... Then, I'm going to eat raw meat until I vomit. F***ing what! ... Then I'm going to Skype with a prostitute. F***ing what!

Photos: Reuters, Getty