Dimitar Berbatov isThe Continental

Well hello there.

I see you've caught me getting swarmed by my many overjoyed young fans. It's like I'm being mauled by a pack of hormonal bear cubs drunk on my Berba-brilliance. Ha-HA! ... No, this young lady does not mistakenly think I played the Archy character in Guy Ritchie's 2008 film, RocknRolla. She seems quite certain that she is about to receive the debonair pen strokes of Manchester United's greatest ever goal scorer. ... Ha-HA! No, not Bobby Charlton. He's just an old man who rides on the plan with us. I am of course referring to an erotic gentleman that is me.

I realize this scene is probably making you incredibly jealous right now, but this is simply what I do during international breaks now that I'm retired from the Bulgarian national team. I go out in public, wearing my shades and a sensually large-cuffed shirt, and I sign autographs while holding an orange cloth and not wearing any pants. Ha-HA! ... Yes, I'm sure the police will soon arrive. But until they do, just enjoy this moment and drink in the Berba-bait.

Now that you have surely been convinced of my impressiveness, what do you say to spending the rest of this international break listening to opera songs performed by barking dogs in my carpeted van? Ha-HA! So tempting it's left you speechless, eh?

Oh-OHHH! It turns out this crowd of young people has mistaken me for the ugly weirdo who played the Archy character in Guy Ritchie's 2008 film, RocknRolla. Oh, they're all tearing up the autographs and arousing haikus I gave them! Oh, this would be a devestating blow to my ego if I wasn't so sure of how great my hair looks right now.

Join us again next time for another chapter in the life of...The Continental...

Photo: Dimitar Yotov