Artur Boruc's Friday Rage List

AHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:

1. THE SNOOD BAN -- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! I WAS PLANNING ON STRANGINGLY SO MANY FOOTBALLERS BY THEIR SNOOD AND NOW THEY'RE TAKING THEM AWAY!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH NOW I'M JUST GOING TO HAVE TO SKIP TO PLAN B WHICH INVOLVES RABIES AND BITING!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. GETTING SENT OFF FOR TACKLING A GUY IN A MANKINI -- THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A GREATER INJUSTICE!!!!!!!!!!! THE PLAYER SHOULD HAVE BEEN WELL WITHIN HIS RIGHTS TO BEAT THE MANKINI MAN WITH A BOTTLE ROCKET!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS EASILY THE WORST REFEREE DECISION OF ALL TIME EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

3. THE KID WITH THE FREAKY EYES -- WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM?!?!?!??!?! DID HE MAKE A FUNNY FACE AND THEN HAVE IT FREEZE LIKE THAT BECAUSE I HEARD THAT CAN HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH HE'S EVEN FREAKIER THAN ANDREI ARSHAVIN!!!!!!!!!!

4. CORN -- I FOUND BABY CORNS IN MY CHINESE FOOD LAST NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE CORN IS NOW USING ITS BABIES TO TRY AND SNEAK INTO OUR SYSTEMS AND GROW INSIDE US!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON'T FALL FOR ITS EVIL TRICKS!!!!!!!!!

5. SPORTING KC'S LIVESTRONG PARK -- THIS ISN'T THAT BAD BUT THE NAME I PROPOSED WAS WAY BETTER!!!!!!! TELL ME YOU WOULDN'T LOVE TO SEE A MATCH AT KILLTHECORN STADIUM!!!!!!!! IT WOULD HAVE BEEN PE! RFECT!!! !!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH I HATE THE CORN SO MUCH!!!!!!!!

6. SPURS' PRESS ROOM HAVING A BAR -- THIS IS AWESOME UNLESS THE BAR DOES NOT STOCK PAINT THINNER THEN IT'S TERRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH YOU WOULD BE SURPRISED HOW FEW BARS STOCK TOP SHELF PAINT THINNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7. SQUEEZING AN OPPONENT'S PRIVATE PARTS -- IF YOU WANT TO PAY SOMEONE TO MASH YOUR JUNK LIKE A POTATO THEN HAVE FUN!!!!!!!! BUT IF SOMEONE DOES THIS TO YOU WITHOUT ASKING FIRST THEY DESERVE A DROPKICK TO THE LIVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF ANYONE EVER DOES THIS TO ME I WILL HIT THEM WITH A KARAOKE MACHINE WHILE SINGING TAYLOR SWIFT SONGS!!!!!!!!!!!

8. THE INVISIBLE YELLOW CARD -- I THOUGHT I WAS GOING CRAZY WHEN I DIDN'T SEE A CARD IN HIS HAND BUT THEN I HEARD THERE REALLY WASN'T ONE AND THAT MADE ME FEEL BETTER!!!!!!!!!!! AFTER ALL THERE IS NO WAY I COULD POSSIBLY BE CRAZY!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI -- SO I WAS TEACHING MYSELF HOW TO SIT IN A CLOSED GARAGE WITH THE CAR RUNNING AND NOT BLACK OUT WHEN MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR KNOCKED ON THE DOOR AND ASKED IF I WAS IN THERE!!!!!!!! I SAID "NO I'M NOT!!!!!!!!" DAN LAUGHED AND THEN ASKED ME TO COME OUT AND TALK TO HIM!!!!!!!!! SO I DID!!!!!!!!!!! ONCE THE FUMES SUBSIDED AND I REGAINED THE ABILITY TO WALK I WENT OUT AND ASKED DAN WHAT I COULD DO FOR HIM!!!!!!!!! BUT I SAID IT IN A WAY SO HE WOULD KNOW THAT THE ONLY THING I WANT TO DO FOR HIM IS ROUNDHOUSE KICK HIS NOSE INTO ANOTHER SOLAR SYSTEM!!!!!!!!!!!! HE TOLD ME HE HAD TO GO BACK TO GLASGOW FOR A LITTLE WHILE TO SORT SOME THINGS OUT WITH HIS EX-WIFE AND WANTED TO KN! OW IF HI S GOOBER KIDS COULD STAY WITH ME WHILE HE'S GONE!!!!!!!!!!!! I SAID "SURE THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN!!!!!!!!" BUT ON THE INSIDE I WANTED TO SET MYSELF ON FIRE AND HOPE THE LOCAL FIREFIGHTERS DON'T HEAR MY SCREAMS OF PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT BECAUSE OF ANYTHING DAN SAID JUST BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE SO ENJOYABLE!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH I HOPE DAN'S GOOBER KIDS LIKE SLEEPING IN A ROOM FILLED WITH DEAD ANIMALS THAT COULD TURN INTO ZOMBIES ANY DAY NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!