DT Exclusive: Rio Ferdinand confronts Fabio Capello

Since it's an international break and nothing interesting is happening, the England captaincy is once again being over-scrutinized as it reverts back to John Terry from the injured Rio Ferdinand on a permanent basis. England manager Fabio Capello didn't speak to Rio about the change before doing it, leaving the Manchester United defender 'appalled.' The following is a transcript of how we imagine Rio finally confronted Capello on the matter.

Ferdinand: Fabio.

Capello: Rio! What are you doing in my money closet? You surprised me.

Ferdinand: What's up, Fabs? You have anything to tell me?

Capello: Um. Your hair looks nice.

Ferdinand: You know what I mean -- why didn't you tell me you were giving John my armband?

Capello: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Ferdinand: So am I still captain of England?

[Capello looks around.]

Ferdinand: Say yes or no -- am I still captain of England?

Capello: Yes or no.

Ferdinand: Wow. I am going to merk you so hard your Italian accent will fall off.

Capello: Merk?

Ferdinand: Yeah, merk! Rio's World Cup Wind-Ups, son. 2006. I've been merking people since before you could kind of speak English.

Capello: I still don't understand why I should be afraid of this merk.

Ferdinand: Oh yeah? Well how about I arrange fo! r you to visit a kennel while we pretend a little boy's dog just died? How about that? I bet you'd be sorry then.

Capello: I don't see how that is bad for me.

Ferdinand: Forget it. Just tell me. Man to man. Tell me I'm not England captain anymore.

Capello: Would you like a cup of tea?

Ferdinand: Serious. I won't even be angry. I just want to hear you say it. Please. Just say it.

Capello: My arm is itchy.

Ferdinand: Right. That's it! Consider yourself merk'd. I am literally going to merk you until you forget your own name.

[Ferdinand walks away]

Capello: (whispering) John Terry is now the captain instead of you, Twitter boy.

Ferdinand: What? Did you say something to me?

Capello: No. Nothing. It was probably a...blender.

Ferdinand: Whatever.

Capello: (whispering) Merk'd.

Photo: Reuters