Random musings of footballers before they fall asleep

Xabi Alonso

So sad. ... Shutting down. ... The fact that it looks like I wet my shorts isn't helping. ... The only thing that could make this worse is if Nigel De Jong came out of nowhere and kicked me in the chest again. ... I really hope that doesn't happen, but I know there's a 72 percent chance of it at any given moment. ... I wish Steven Gerrard was here...

Roberto Mancini

Starting to get the feeling I might get sacked soon. ... How can I blame Mario Balotelli for this? ... I understand the anger coming at me from the left, but why is Garry Cook looking at me like I've got a giant cold sore on my lip? ... MARIO!!!!!!

Juergen Klinsmann

See? Even when I am sleeping I show more emotion than Bob Bradley. ... Hahahahahaha. ... Pizza party!

Didier Drogba

Time for the disgraces. ... First, my tongue feels weird. I think it shrunk. That's a tiny f***ing disgrace! ... Then, I had to score a penalty to give the Ivory Coast a 4-3 win over Israel. That's a nervy f***ing disgrace! ... Then, I'm still two goals shy of 50 for the national team. That's a close f***ing disgrace. ... Then, Kalou said that when I hit 50, he's going to have his cat, Katou, make me a congratulatory card out of macaroni and glitter. That's a cheap f***ing disgrace! ... Then, there were those times those referees who probably did something to my tongue while I was asleep cheated Chelsea out of the Champions League. That...that was a...

Photos: Getty