IFAB kills the snood, Sepp Blatter claims he was a footballer

"You can have my snood when you pry it from my cold, dead neck!"

The same week League Two side Burton Albion decided to launch their official club snood, the International FA Board has unanimously decided to ban the neck warmers starting July 1 (or immediately, depending on the source). So the likes of Alex Ferguson, Roy Keane and Paul Ince can all rest easy knowing that footballers won't soon be forced to wear skirts and the rock-hard masculinity of the game will survive until the next apocalyptic threat.

And while many of those prissy footballers who have had the revolting gall to wear a piece of cloth around their throats when it's cold outside already decided to comply with the mandate, some, like Mario Balotelli (above) held out. But as FIFA president Sepp Blatter says, those reckless idiots are basically wearing a noose around their necks. Because snoods are dangerous and the direct cause of zero to 3,000 deaths this season alone. OK, so the actual number is closer to zero than 3,000, but just ignore that.

From ESPN:

A FIFA statement read: "The IFAB agreed that in relation to Law 4 - Players' Equipment, the wearing of snoods should not be permitted."! ;

Blatter said: "It can also be dangerous. It can be like to hang somebody.

"I was a football player in winter and summer and have never worn that and we must also pay attention to the law that says what the equipment is."

Wait, what?! Sepp Blatter is saying he was a footballer? There's no way. Not even on Halloween. This cretin has said and done a lot of awful things over the years, but this is truly offensive. Forget the fact that IFAB took even a second to discuss snoods while only deciding to keep flip-flopping over goalline technology for another year and get angry over Sepp's claim that he played football in not just one season, but two.

There's no way.

Photo: Getty Images