Who's scarier? Peter Crouch vs. Rino Gattuso

When Rino Gattuso wasn't attacking Spurs assistant Joe Jordan, he was battling with Peter Crouch during Milan's 1-0 loss to Spurs on Tuesday. While Crouch prevailed by scoring the match's only goal, the question remains: Which player is the more intimidating presence?

As preparation for the second leg -- which will be even more dangerous since Gattuso picked up another yellow card and won't be constrained by having to play a football match -- we put the two head to head to find out which is scarier.

Rino Gattuso, the floor is yours...

A short, hairy, half-naked pit bull of a man attacking old people and anyone else who gets in his way like a feral animal foaming at the mouth? That's the stuff of nightmares. This is going to be hard to beat.

Peter Crouch, your move...

That's, uh, that's an admirable effort, Peter. But when you're that lanky, clenching your boney fist attached to your dangly string bean arm and baring your teeth isn't going to scare an 11-year-old playing with a Ouija board in the dark at a slumber party. Surely you can do better than that.

We'll let you give it one more try, Pete. But really let loose this time. Summon the beast from the depths of your soul. Pump some Ronnie James Dio and unleash the demon. Get freaky. Do it! Now! Go!

Holy lord. OK. You win, Peter. Just please stop.

Photos: Getty Images