Andrei Arshavin conducts greatest Q&A ever, part XV

It is time to weep the tears of unfathomable joy and confusion, my friends! The angels have answered our pleas and bestowed upon us yet another glorious installment of Andrei/ey Arshavin's ongoing Q&A experiment with the wacky readers of his official website. In the many months since we last plunged into the depths of the weird and accidentally brilliant last November, there has been despair and nervous questioning as to whether this ahead of its time series would continue. Well it is. So lets all take an aspirin and get back in it.

2. From Vladislav23
Andrey, when are you going to have another masterpiece of a goal? I want to make a stake on a goal.
P.S. They are all your masterpieces =)
AA: Hopefully, in February.

Well, by Vladislav23's standards, Andrei was certainly right. He even knew the exact day, hour, and even minute it would happen, but he felt like typing a =) instead of all that.

3. From Trellis
Hi Andrey, I'm a Chinese woman. I have many questions, because many people
love you in China. :) What do you think about Wenger? I think that hes
beautiful, what do you think? Good luck!
AA: He's a good coach, and his beauty shall be evaluated by the ladies, not by the
players.

As sad as it is to learn that the Arsenal players don't sit around evaluating Wenger's physical beauty, that doesn't mean that anyone reading this can't pass judgment. So, have at it...

7. From Baklazan
Hi, Andrey. In the 2008 Zenit came to play against Luch in Vladivostok, (the weather
back then was terrible). Well, when the bus carrying the team approached the
stadium, it paused for several seconds. At this point, I was lucky to
be near it. I saw you, Advokaat, Radimov and Gubochan. I
waved at you and you looked back at me and then away, Gubochan was laughing wildly.
Remember me?
AA: No, I do not recall you.

Come on, Baklazan. Do you seriously expect the world-famous Andrei Arshavin to remember someone he glanced at through a bus window three years ago? For real? Unless you were pointing a gun at him or publicly masturbating and breathing fire, that just wasn't ever going to happen.

8. From 2018RUSSIAN
Hello, Andrey! I have a question for you: what will a ball look like at the WC 2018?
AA: It will be round. Thats for sure. There is nothing more I can say.:))

If you really are a Russian from the year 2018, 2018RUSSIAN, you should know that already. But don't be so sure the ball will be round, Andrei. Vladimir Putin is strongly considering making them rectangular bricks that he will judo chop in the stadiums in place of actual football matches.

11. From Gegegegemon
Andrey. I think you're perfectly able to manage Russian football as the president of the Russian Football Union. How do you like this prospect?
AA: I think it's still too soon to talk about it right now.

Yes. It's too soon to talk about right now, but it is most definitely a vital step in his plans for world domination. Women who like to drive, play football and wear clothing not designed by Andrei Arshavin should be afraid.

12. From 6! 5367547
Hello, Andrey. I have already tried to ask you a question on your site, maybe it wasnt a very important or serious one, but still I received no reply.
Attempt number 2:) It has long been evident, but only recently people have started to talk that its time for Akinfeev to move to the top championships. Someone sees him in Manchester, the others madly want to see him in Arsenal (Im no exception), someone just wants Igor to leave for any European top club. Its evident that Igor has already surpassed the level of Russian football. I want to see him with Arsenal with all my heart. But unfortunately, this is not going to happen. Arsene Wenger in the pre-match interview against Fulham made it clear that he is not going to enter the transfer market. Now the question: In those days, when there was an actual problem of getting a goalkeeper in Arsenal (just a few months ago) were there any talks about Igor in Arsenal? Did Wenger consider his candidacy? After all, Igor like no other meets the policy of young players that Wenger sticks to. Igor is quite young. He needs progress. There will be no progress in Russia. . . Maybe you can give Wenger a hint regarding Igor? :) I want him to make one more step up in his career so that he could start playing at a new level. In Russia there is no prospect for him - this is obvious. He is the best in Russia. But he needs to go to the top European club. I will appreciate it very much, if you reply,just a couple of thoughts on the above written. Good luck in the match against Fulham. The game is going to be great today. I'm sure. I hope my question wont be left unanswered.
AA: I have not heard that Arsenal would like to purchase Igor. Nobody has discussed this with me, thats for certain.

First of all, congratulations on asking the most freakishly long question in the history of this series, 65367547. Secondly, way to be subtle with your opening. And thirdly, I couldn't bring myself to read all of th! at blabb er. If only someone would follow this up with, short, succinct and far more relevant query...

14. From Sirotenko
Andrey, how are you doing in Arsenal?
AA: Fine.

Boom. How are you? Fine. That's how you keep things rolling.

17. From ALEKSEITYULIN
Andrey! I am 11 years old. I'm your fan. I want to open my own club. Give advice what will be useful for my business.
AA: And who is your Daddy?:)

"And who is your Daddy?:)" is actually how Andrei responds to everything Cesc Fabregas says to him.

19. From Veronika1
Andrey, what can you say about FC Tom?
AA: Siberians.

Yes, Andrei. FC Tom is a Siberian club. Well done.

23. From ALEKSEITYULIN
Andrey, my friend and I want to open a football club, we are 12 years old. Do you think weve got a good plan and we are going to succeed? Only I want you to tell me the truth, I wont get offended if you say no.
AA: Who are your daddies, guys? :)

OK now you're just starting to sound creepy, Andrei. Meanwhile, how did you age a full year from question 17 to question 23, ALEKSEITYULIN? Something doesn't feel right here. Can someone please switch gears and make some improbably requests?

24. From miksere
Hi Andrey, you play in a great manner and score very beautiful goals. Please win the Champions League and score 5 goals in the next game. I'm rooting for you and I wish you all the best!
AA: Yes, we definitely needed the fifth goal like air in the recent match.

Hi Andrey, please cure cancer and teach everyone on the planet a universal language that will bring about world peace. I'm rooting for you and I wish you all the best!

25. From dima09
Hi Andrey, tell me if ! its diff icult for you to communicate with the other players in English. And I have one more question: who is your best friend in Arsenal and in the Russian national team.
AA: It used to be hard, but now I have no problem communicating with the guys,
coaches, masseurs and the other staff members of the club or any other
English speakers.

Hmm Andrei completely ignored the best friends question. Perhaps repeatedly asking people who their daddies are followed by an emoticon doesn't help one make friends within a team setting.

26. From misha5220
I recently went by trolleybus (in Nalchik), and saw Kolinko (Spartak Nalchiks goalie)! And what about you, do you ever take London buses or trolleybuses or whatever they have there.
AA: Yes, I took a ride on the bus and went by metro with the kids, havent seen Kolinko.

Hahahaha!

27. From Ainruik
Hello! Arent you afraid that your children can forget their native Russian language in England?
AA: No. We are talking in our native language at home. Therefore, it is impossible.

Impossible!

28. From Sinshine
Hi Andrey. Congratulations on the victory and a scored goal! Id like to know whether youre communicating with Roman Pavlyuchenko now?
AA: No, I'm reading your question now, Roma can wait :)

Once again, Andrei proves that he's too smart for your trick questions. But not too smart to use emoticons. :)

31. From Ivan1319
Andre, you are going to return to Zenith?
AA: Andre-Andre.

His name is Andrei or Andrey. Not Andre. And it's Zenit, not Zenith. Otherwise, every one of the eight words in your question are correct, Ivan1319.

34. From Alenas
Andrey, please give me a cell number of Victor Fayzulin. I l! ike him very much. Please!
AA: I dont have his number. And even if I had, I wouldnt give it!

Screw you, Alenas!

42. From Vika23100
Hi Andrey, My name is Vika, Im 17 and Im a football player ... I'm your fan ... I adore you so much, you're the best player ... please tell me, when I go out on the pitch, I get confused a bit, tell me how to get rid of this feeling? Thanks
AA: By quitting going out on the pitch.

It's that simple. Just abandon your dreams of being a footballer and don't bother overcoming this feeling. That's what your hero is telling you to do, Vika23100. You're welcome.

45. From Fifka777
Do you have a favorite book?
AA: At the present moment, no.

Right now, Andrei thinks all books are awful. Check back tomorrow, though. He might have a favorite then.

46. From Fifka777
Belgium ....
What is the reason of the defeat?
AA: There are a lot of them.

What an excellent follow-up question, Fifka777. You might not be satisfied by Andrei's answer, but just be thankful he didn't ask who your daddy is.

49. From Moonray
Ive lost a very dear person... It is so hard ... How can I overcome it? Natalia, Ashgabat. Thank you.
AA: If youve lost this person for good, its sad. Because this is for always.

I'm very sorry for your loss, Natalia, but...why are you asking an exceptionally kooky footballer for advice on how to overcome something like this? And Andrey, I don't think she means she lost this person for a few days while they spend a weekend at the Sandals Resort in Jamaica. But yes, it is sad because this is for always.

50. From Baziiii
Andrey, Ive read somewhere that your style of playing (among all present footballers) is the! most si milar to the style of Maradona. What do you think about this opinion?
AA: I find it hard to assess because I didnt see how Diego was playing.

You might be surprised to hear that Andrei has never seen Maradona play, but keep in mind that this is a man who doesn't even have a favorite book at the moment, so...yeah.

51. From Prostoya
Just wanted to tell you, Andrey that you're so cool.
Oh, and people love you not only for your great football skills! Its even an absolute pleasure to watch the way you shake your head after the strike, that didnt send the ball directly into the net. Play as long as possible! And live happily! I wish health and well being to you and your family.
AA: Its time to stop making those head movements :)

:)

Photos: Getty Images