Random musings of footballers before they fall asleep...

Wayne Rooney

Yeah! I'm back! ... Meat. ... Two goals against a 14th place club, set up by amazing passes that were more impressive than the goals themselves! That can only mean one thing! ... Meat. ... That I'm the best ever again! ... Meat. ... Yes. ... Meat. ... Maybe I should pretend like I want to quit Man United and go to City again so they give me even more money for being back at my best. ... Meat. ... That's a great idea! ... Meat. ... Yes! Even my brain is working mega good again! ... Meat. ... I feel so confident now. I'm going to teach Kai how to blow up a watermelon while karate chopping a mannequin...

Fernando Torres

All this excitement is making me sleepy. ... Maybe I will just have a nap while I drive. ... Dun-da-na! It's time for another adventure of Fernandooooo Gingerbread. Dun-da-na! ... "Please, Fernando Gingerbread, don't go to fight for the Blueberry Kingdom that always fights among the champions! If you do we will stop loving you and melt all your marshmallows!" ... "But I must! I must fight among the champions and prove to the world that Didier Drogba can play nice with a friend!" ... "Oh Fernando Gingerbread, you are so scrumptious and brave with your gingerbread body and pixie dust winks!" ... This concludes another adventure of Fernandoooooo Gingergrbread! Dun-da-na!...

"Hey there..."

Luca Toni

Ah! Another Louis van Gaal nightmare!

Didier Drogba

Time for the disgraces. ... First, Chelsea bought Fernando Torres and David Luiz. That is not a f***ing disgrace! ... Then, we beat Sunderland and played like we did earlier in the season. That is also not a f***ing disgrace! ... Then, Salomon Kalou scored a goal and I didn't he after he did he gave me this look that said "I bet you're jealous right now and my cat is better than your cat!" That is a massive f***ing disgrace. ... Then, Carlo Ancelotti caught me staring at his eyebrow instead of paying attention to whatever he was saying to me. That is an embarrassing f***ing disgrace! ... Then, there were those times those two bald referees who probably burn Torres shirts while small children are still wearing them cheated us out of the Champions League. That...that was a...

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